One man's ambivalent retreat from his racist past

You may wonder why a news story about a former racist repenting and asking forgiveness from the blacks he assaulted belongs in GD or elsewhere, but the article itself raises issues that fit more in here--how this man who,up to 10 years ago, was so full of hate, suddenly realized how that hate was destroying him and keeping him from peace.

Full article is here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090404/ap_on_re_us/one_man_s_apology

Relevant bits here:

Wilson says now he is ashamed of his behavior. He has since apologized to his grandson and to the neighbor he threatened. And he has been surprised by how liberated the apologies have made him feel. People don't understand the burden of carrying all that hate, he says.

The burden only grew as Wilson got older and began to put his affairs in order, buying burial plots for himself and Judy, dolefully pondering the afterlife.

"I'm going to hell," he told Clarence Bradley one day in January, when, feeling poorly after yet another doctor visit, he stopped by his friend's auto paint and body shop on Eastview Road. The two have long shared an interest in antiques and cars.



I think this is a good example of how we can get "stuck" in an emotional rut. Wilson said "I'm going to hell", but I can't help but feel that that was where he's been living for years--and the realization that he could ask forgiveness and move on with his life has liberated him.

Be sure to read the article, especially the reactions of the black civil rights workers he heckled and hurt.

It just shows that it is possible for anyone to change. There's hope for all.

(sorry for misspelling)--the Huna idea of "I'm sorry, please forgive me."

I had an interesting experience with that. Of course it was nothing as huge as what this article was describing, but it brought the truth home all the same.

I never got along with my immediate boss. I suspected he didn't want to hire me but the VP overrode his decision. I never did find out. But we were like oil and water from my very first day.

After butting heads for months and months, over big things and small, he came charging into my office to chastise me for doing something wrong. He was ecstatic that he had "caught" me screwing up.

Normally I would have argued with him till we were both blue in the face and wishing each other dead, but something else in me took over that day. I let him rant, and when he was finished, I looked him in the eye and found myself saying, quite sincerely, "You're absolutely right. I made a mistake, and I apologize."

LOL the color drained out of his face and the fight drained right out of him. I actually saw him physically sag. He was SHOCKED that I responded that way and had no idea what to do next! After a long pause he said something to the effect of "Well...okay. Don't do it again." And he slunk out of my office and didn't bother me for days afterward.

I didn't feel like I "won" or put one over on him. I just felt sad that that office's climate was such that nobody ever took the blame for doing something wrong, so when someone DID, it was shocking and unexpected. I think the place would have been so much more productive if people owned up to their mistakes.

I would say your boss thrived on arguing and adversity and simply didn't know what to do when someone wouldn't fight back.

He was perfectly civil and friendly with the other people he supervised and who were on the same "level" as I was. It seemed I affected him in a visceral way, apparently starting on the day of my interview. No, wait, let me rephrase that--he APPLIED evilness to me; it really didn't matter who I was or what I was really like. I represented something negative to him--perhaps simply that I wasn't the person he wanted for the job--and therefore he never saw the real me in front of him. I was more of a symbol, something to despise. And boy, did he despise me. Which, in turn, made me dislike him, which made it escalate to alarming levels.

And I suppose it's the same for all combative situations, big and small. Like the racist in the news story--he didn't know why he hated black people; he just did. But somebody has to break the back-and-forth of tit-for-tat hatred. Like the black people who practiced Gandhi's mode of passive resistance. Eventually it worked far better than fighting back would have.

I'd like to say that things got better between me and my boss after that day, but it didn't. He just worked extra hard behind the scenes to get me fired. It took him 2 1/2 more years and a new, naive VP before he succeeded, though--and even then I quit instead. :evilgrin:

Sure seems like a life of racism has sapped a lot of energy from him. After all the apologizing that he feels is necessary for atonement, I just hope that he can forgive himself in this lifetime. Sure makes me feel proud of Americans, the victims ready to forgive such a longtime violent bigot and move on to do good things with the total experience from both sides of the fence.

I respect the forgivers even more than the person asking for forgiveness here, although it takes great courage on either side.

Thanks, Ayesha. That was a good read. I feel so bad for that man--he had no idea why he did the things he did in his youth and couldn't remember most of his actions. It really makes you wonder about the power of "tradition", indoctrination--hate that's taught--and what happens when a person "wakes up".

he can't remember some of his actions or why he committed them? It reminds me of Oprah's segments from years ago, reviewing important newspaper photos and the people in them. One of them was a group of White teens in the act of hurling insults at a group of Black teens integrating their school. One of the teens, now a middle-aged woman, couldn't stop crying and begging for forgiveness. It was so pitiful and my heart ached for her because she had already been forgiven.

So I truly in my heart of hearts want to believe that we are all in this dance macabre together; that there must be an agreement among us entering this reality to undergo all of these high periods of contrasts and duality to learn the meaning of Oneness. That the higher lessons are as much for the victim as for the perpetrators, and we exchange these dreadful roles over and over again until we get it.

Sigh, it sure is exhausting though.

It is SO HARD to remember that evil people are just playing a role and there is no good or evil in the traditional sense--that we apply it as part of our chosen drama.
Cheney and Bush are good actors. Too good. :scared: