Can't sell your house? Woo is there to help! Or, How to Make A Buck on the Bad Economy

I was watching the Today Show this morning, and they did a piece about things that people are resorting to in desperation, to "cleanse" their homes and increase the good vibes for potential homebuyers.
This piece on the website has a much more skeptical tone than the on-air piece. As I was watching the on-air piece, my mind clicked off after the realtor guest maintained that she sold a New York condo after having the place "smudged" by a Native-American healer, to rid the place of the bad vibes remaining there from a vicious divorced couple who had owned it.

I am definitely in the wrong business. For $125 a hour, I can walk around somebody's house with a wad of smouldering sage, and "cleanse" the place of bad spirits. Come on, let's all jump on the bad economic bandwagon. Unemployed? I can get you a job after just three acupuncture treatments. House in foreclosure? You're just not taking the right herbal supplements.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/28069047/

because there's usually no yard to bury an ugly plastic St. Joseph upside down.

Smudging, evicting demons, feng shui, and ghostbusting will have to do.

I went looking for a link to the episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit! about Feng Shui. Couldn't find it on U-Tube, but it must be around the internetS somewhere. Priceless! Listen at the end, when the Feng Shui expert walks out of the house he has just finished and mutters: "The place still looks like shit."

But while poking around, I found this priceless bit of wisdom about using Feng Shui on your car:

Don't park your car facing your residence, as cars are "predators" which can create feelings of unease among the building’s inhabitants.

Remove clutter within the vehicle for better chi flow.

Tie a blue ribbon to the rearview mirror, splash salt water in the interior (though probably not on any cloth seats) and keep a bottle of water in the car.

http://aftermarket.autoblog.com/2006/04/17/how-to-drive-and-park-your-vehicle-the-feng-shui-way/

The comments were mostly posted by sane, non-woo people and are wonderfully snarky.

"Parking ON a feng shui expert is best."

I wonder what those tree shaped, pine scented, nasty smelling car deodorizers do for one's chi? I've got a blue one hanging in my car right now, but it doesn't seem to do any good.

I'm trying to buy a house, but everyone is either happily holding onto their fucking house or selling for a crapload of money (we didn't have the bubble here, but prices are starting to go up because people are realizing this is a great neighborhood, the bastards). Where's the foreclosures? I need a nasty divorce or some shit, preferably in a 3+ bedroom 1.5 bathroom with a fenced yard.

...like people do in NYC. Look for the ones where the kids are listed as living at least 500 miles away, and then go and do a drive-by. They'll want to unload the house fast, to clear up the estate. You leave a very gently worded letter in the door, telling them you're interested in the house.

I know that sounds really cold, but honestly, a friend of mine who recently lost her very elderly mother said the family was actually grateful when they received several of those. They sold the house to one of the people, and cleared things up in record time.

Everyone here lives within 8 blocks of their parents (I do too)! This is one of those neighborhoods. I usually hear about when someone dies, and either one of the kids, one of their kids, or a friend ends up there. Its definitely NOT a buyers market in my neighborhood right now. Everywhere else in the darn country is in the crapper and when I am finally ready to buy a house, my neighborhood decides to buck national trend :eyes: I'm hoping things change in spring, winter is typically slow in any real estate market.

Find the house you want to buy, break in and re-arrange the furniture so that the feng shui is bad.

It will be on the market in no time at all!

I think that just might work!!