Atheist Culture

Atheists have no culture, and not enough community. Here are some suggestions for cultural phenomena you can cultivate at home:

Cultural quality #1: When you meet another atheist, look at them solemnly and nod. If someone asks about it later, say, “We’re going to rob a liquor store.” If they are offended, tell them it’s an atheist thing and they wouldn’t understand.

Cultural quality #2: Don’t have sex before marriage. I know this is going to be controversial but we don’t want anyone thinking that we aren’t religious just because we want to “go wild.” Also, don’t get all gay with each other. They’ve been expecting that.

Cultural quality #3: When someone wants to debate the bible and it gets onto a point neither one of you can confirm, say, “Oh, I have one right here.” Pull out a special bible that’s riddled with inconsistencies, which you’ve painstakingly prepared by cutting and pasting little strips of text from one part to another, and typing in contradictions. You can also order these from bible supply catalogs under “King James.” They use that as a code word for pranksters.

...

Cultural quality #9: Keep monkeys in the house and talk to them just like you would a member of the family. Get as surprised as you would if a member of your family started throwing poop. Even if it’s several times in a row. We have to back up this evolution thing.

http://apatheismpodcast.com/2010/04/01/atheist-culture