(The Onion) Pierre Will Be Leading The Vertical-Insertion Team ...

Pierre Will Be Leading The Vertical-Insertion Team Into The Vakhan Territory

Ah, yes, our new senior applied-science director. Come in, sir. Hello and welcome to our little corner of the operation. Tea? Turkish? Mei Ling, some tea for the honorable science director. Susan is well, I trust? Good, good. Of course, sir—right to brass tacks it is.

I believe you've met Pierre. No, don't look for him to salute, sir. Why, none of them do. With all due respect, it's not important. So, yes, Pierre will be leading the vertical-insertion team into the southwestern Vakhan territories. Our search for evidence will be facilitated by the fact that the region is most certainly deserted by now. For the time being, Pierre assumes that our nebulous opposition exercised a rather nasty nanotechnological option to cover their tracks. After all, that is what Pierre would have done himself. In any case, we need you to describe to Pierre exactly what it is he'll be looking for once he gets there. Once Thanatos Tertius, as we're calling it, is found, he'll dismantle and neutralize it.

Don't worry. He's capable. Pierre wrote the book on eliminating the Russian HIND assault helicopter using a standard NATO entrenching tool—literally. You can find a copy of it on the laptop you were issued this morning. So, to answer your question, he certainly can perform a "decent" field-expedited tachyonistic-reactor disassembly.

For the love of... Yes, sir, he's well aware that it will kill him. Really, I must take exception. You insult the intelligence or courage of Theta Omicron squad.

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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37310