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If this thread goes well I'll repost it in the lounge to get a wider response.
I have a friend (a girl) who is very afraid of guys. She admits this herself. I am the only boy she is friends with (that I know of, I looked at her facebook profile and only 4 out of her 50 friends at school were boys). She absolutely refuses to have a romantic relationship with a guy. I would like to have one with her, but for now we are just friends, as I fear that broaching the subject would cause her to spurn me entirely.
However, I know it is not a mental component or because she is distant. To the contrary, we have had some very personal and mutually revealing conversations. We have both remarked that we have a lot in common. She prides herself on being distant from others and trusting no one. I believe she trusts me, however, because of the sensitive personal issues we have discussed. Combining that with the fact that she doesn't have any other guy friends, that makes me the only boy she trusts.
She is very shy, particularly around boys, and absolutely refuses to have any kind of physical contact. She also never wears skirts or dresses, short sleeve shirts or removes her jacket if she's wearing one. At the end of one summer, when she was returning to school (and after yet another of our bonding conversations) I asked for a hug before she left. This she adamantly refused and her smiling face quickly changed to the a stare of daggers. Another time she was with me and another friend (who she used to like very much but not anymore, long story), and he gave her a "wet willy" by surprise. We both laughed but she was certainly not amused. She screamed at the top of her lungs, got up, stood for the rest of the evening on the other side of the room and refused to accept any of his apologies. Perhaps I'm under reacting, but jeez, it's not like he violated her or anything.
And that, friends, brings me to my point. Given what I know about my friend and her behavior, I believe she may have been somehow abused in the past. As they say, 1 in 5 girls is sexually abused at some point in her childhood. Of all the girls I have ever known, if I were to pick one who I thought may have been molested, it would be her. Her shyness and self-professed "fear" (yes, fear) of boys is inexplicable to me. When I spend time with her I always go out of my way to be very kind and considerate and show her that not all boys are people she should be afraid of. After some effort I think she sees that, and she is not as reluctant to be left alone with me as before.
Based on what I've said here, do any of you agree with my theory? I've known shy people, and I've known girls who think all boys are jerks, but not anyone who acts like this. If she has been hurt in the past, I'd like to be able to talk to her about it and comfort her if she'd let me. Obviously, though, I'm not going to broach that subject. I sent her an e-mail today wishing her happy spring and she's been on my mind. Is this a possibility or am I just way off base?
(sorry to bring up such a sensitive topic, but I feel better doing it in an anonymous setting, and you Kerrycrats are the coolest DUers, so, naturally I came here :) )
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