Did you know that John Kerry? (humor)

-Kidnapped the Lindburgh baby
- Is the Lindburgh baby
- Knows where Amelia Earhart's plane went
- Killed Jack Kennedy
- Started the war in Iraq
- Sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees so he could fund No, No Nanette
- Is actually a republican in disguise despite having one of hte more liberal voting records in the senate
- caused the Democrats not to be in the White House in 2000 despite not being the nominee or running mate
- Kicked my dog
- Is responsible for the fact I don't have a date
- Is a mummy
- is the ultimate democratic establishment person
- is a DLC/PNAC Neo Con War Mongrel with a cherry on top
- Crashed the Hindenberg
- Was the captain of the RMS Titanic
- Assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand
- Personaly ordered the Free Speech Zones at the Boston DNC in 2004.
Feel free to add more and we can blame Kerry for all of the world's troubles.

Is a secret member of Opus Dei
Wears a toupee and is only 5/5 without his shoe lifts
Plans to succede New England from the Union
Is really French Canadadian
He is really descended from Aliens who only look French Canadian
Knows where Jimmy Hoffa is really burried
His wife really owns Diebold
He belongs to a secret branch of the CIA controlled by....

SKULL AND BONES

-He personally started the disco craze
-He's responsible for the levees breaking in New Orleans
-He caused Bill Buckner to miss a routine ground ball in the Sox/Mets World Series
-He stole the prize out of my Cracker Jack
-He shot JR
-He failed to stop the bombing of Pearl Harbor
-The Mullet haircut - John Kerry's idear
-He is solely responsible for global warming, the bird flu and the exposure of Janet Jackson's breast during the Super Bowl

--has both flipped and flopped
--is sterile
--is impotent
--is obsessed with his own genitalia (and probably everyone else's)
--is very, very boring
--is John Edwards' gay lover and has been for some time (that's the real reason Kerry picked Edwards as VP)
--is George H.W. Bush's gay lover and has been for some time (the real reason we still don't know the truth about BCCI or the Kennedy assassinations)
--is George W. Bush's gay lover, and has been for some time (the real reason we still have the Bush Dynasty in control of the world!!)
--helped plan and profited from 9/11
--personally prolonged the Vietnam War by two full years! Yep, through his own actions alone! All by himself even (well, and his Vietnamese co-conspirators!!!!)!
--wants the United States to be subordinate to the U.N. from here on out (and if that happens, everyone gets microchips in their hands!!!!!)
--is the reason there's no vaccine for diabetes, cancer, hepatitis C, HIV, or a publicly-accessible vaccine for HPV (John Kerry is giving women cervical cancer!!!!!!)
--is the actual murderer of Jon Benet Ramsey

ETA: The best (or maybe that should be worst) thing about this list? Every single last item on it is an actual statement made to me about Kerry between the summer of 2004 and now by crazed Kerry critics (some of whom claimed to be Democrats). Sad.

...egh. And I am not even making up the ridiculous "Kerry participated in the Jon Benet Ramsey killing" one, either, as disturbing as that is.

That is disturbing but the way people blame Kerry here it doesnt surprise me.

You might be able to find posters drudging up that allegation in the discussion boards of this evil site:

http://www.rigorousintuition.blogspot.com

It's possible that the "site owner" (read: paid propagandist) has yanked the more offensive anti-Kerry comments by now, though I doubt it. That particular author has come very close to outright calling JK a child molester in his blog entries several times now (he may have done that by this point, actually). Oh, and if you do choose to wade through the chaos of that cesspit, wave hi to Seventh Son (who has risen again on those boards, I noted with disgust the last time I went by there)! Heed this warning, though: don't stay in that insanity too long. For many reasons, including the fact that as you can imagine, alllll kinds of scary folks traipse through those parts. Their comments will warp your brain with their vileness if you stare at them too long.

It shows how far over the edge these people are. I can't imagine feeling anything but disgust if the same thing were said of Bush or Rumsfeld.

from going there--some of you might find "Jeff Wells'" (his real first name is Fred, from what I've been able to gather) shit entertaining--some of you (who, no offense and no judgment, 'cause I've been there) might officially have that outrage-induced heart attack as the result of reading it. And thinking about that place actually led me to come up with yet another "Did you know John Kerry..." for our little list, an insane accusation often touted at Rigorous Intuition: "is the son of one of the...." okay, know what? It's too offensive to post. Just...no. If you're that curious, PM me.

and which so many DU'ers were quick to pounce on and amplify on DU.

but thought my list was grotesque enough without that thrown in.

is a war criminal,