Weirdness

Tonight I have been badly depressed. About 2:30 am My partner and I went out for a drive.Sometimes we just drive around the empty streets in the dark with CD's on the stereo 'cause we both find doing this is soothing.We like our nocturnal ways.The bustle and garish traffic during the day stresses us out, it's too, I dunno stimulating and bright.We stopped at a Dennys for some food because I felt run down..It was all I could do not to cry into my diet coke I felt so sad.

Anyways we got out of there and on the road again,As were talking,
we passed this car, it was partially off the road, no light and there was a shape of a person in it. I couldn't see the situation well no streetlights,and we were in a car going past.But it looked like they had been run off the road considering the strange angle the car was in and the fact there were no trees,no other car,no glass on the road, or rail guard thingys for her to have run into and bounced off of,the car didn't look smashed either.. So we passed and found a place to turn around,because we were going the opposite way and because I wanted to check it out,make sure everything was allright as I fished out my cellphone to call 911.. When we got there less than 2 minutes later a cop had just pulled up and he had opened the car door so the interior light was on .And I saw there was blood all over the place,it was a blonde woman and the back of her head was blown apart. The windshield was full of bullet holes?? and brain spatter??!! Yeech.. Oh shit. Than I realized we may have just missed witnessing a murder.

But it's strange, I'm very sad for the horror that unfolded there,yes,and I hope her loved ones can cope and heal and I hope they catch whoever did this, but in a weird way I envy her too. She's free of this world and all it's suffering.
She will never have to see her loved ones die or suffer again,she'll never be sick again,never have her heart broken or feel pain anymore.Her body is dead.Her spirit is free.

As we drove away I sent her the kindness and spiritual protection so that she might not be distracted, manipulated or confused as she leaves this existance,so that her spirit may become as free as it chooses to be,and that the things of this world that trap spirits here cannot catch hers and force her to be reborn into another body..

Yet I live,in sadness and wait another night for my turn to go home.

I just had to talk.Thanks for being here Y'all.

I'm sorry your soothing drive was disrupted in such a terrible way. Hope you two are okay.

If as you say, this poor woman, went home, that makes you part of the underground railroad because you were there for her when she needed something difficult and important.

peace,
Beth

Envying freedom is not weird in my experience.....I have been sadly jealous of those who have died, but now I feel honored to sit out my time here without wanting to control the on/off button.

I may not learn all that I could have in this life, but I sure feel I have come a long way with a ways to go yet.

But what a horrific sight to bear....

:hug: :grouphug:

DemEx

That must have been a very unpleasant experience. Are you feeling any better today?

Still sad as shit,but I'm okay.

It was triggering.
because I have been shot at before,in a car
when my father flipped out, because we moved out, he tried to kill my mom when we went to the house so he could sign the tax return thing..Luckily I have worked through alot of the stuff with that issue in therapy,but it's still upsetting and it causes intrusive memories..too The symptoms of the memory trigger has stopped ,thankfully.

As for envy, don't worry I have given up controlling the life on off button.But I still long for freedom anyway.
Because with suicide you can bust yer bawls to work out every damn detail and still not die.(happened before) and reality is, you can come out injured and in more torment than before.I have seen too many near misses to keep on trying..I am lucky I haven't been permanently injured by trying tho. So I won't take a chance on making my life worse than it already is unless it's a truly dire situation.(like a certain painful,horrid,terminal illness or enduring torture).

I just pace the cage day after day ,here,doing what I can do to help myself cope and feel ok,and I do what I can to help others out who suffer,too,I love my loved ones and my cats the best I can and I make sure they know I appreciate them ,I do art to cope ..

I made a kickass pair of leather gauntlets recently with a blue/green/purple..shimmery painted tooled tribal design on them.(Luminere paint is the coolest shit EVER) I did the tooling on a leather panel that I dyed a brilliant royal blue,Than I riveted that to a simple black peaked gantlet with 4 buckles and straps ( covers from my wrist almost to my elbow) giving it a pretty layered 3d look.
Everyone gawks over them when I wear them out.).I write stuff, do whatever I can..But I'm still here with an ache inside that never stops,waiting until the door finally opens one day..