I'm having trouble finding a counselor and a psychiatrist.

The short story is this: because I tried to kill myself a couple of Octobers ago, the bitch-doctor in charge of the health clinic where I was being seen decided I was "too difficult" a case and kicked me out of her clinic. I lost a great physician's assistant (PA). I was in the process of making her my primary care physician. Worse, I lost my counselor.

My counselor and I always clicked. I'd been seeing him for several years when the narcissistic, obnoxious bitch-doctor cut me off, right when I needed him the most.

Since then, I've been going through counselors and psychiatrists like cheap Wal*Mart underwear. I had a good psychiatrist for awhile, can you believe it? I wasn't sure such a creature existed. But he had to quit due to health reasons and I was shuffled around until I ended up with Dr. Television.

I call him Dr. Television for obvious reasons: I see him through tele-conferencing. As if that wasn't impersonal enough, Dr. Television himself is rather impersonal. He has a condescending, smarmy attitude about him. Like most psychiatrists I've known, he's convinced he's god. They can't all be god, can they? At best, all but one are wrong. The odds for Dr. Television are not good.

Last time I saw him, he tried to be my primary care physician. He told me I should be using insulin and second-guessed my decision to have spinal fusion surgery. "You had the surgery and you're still in pain?" he said. "Then why did you have the surgery?" I was thinking, "Um, excuse me, Dr. Television Almighty, but recovery from spinal surgery takes TIME, dumbass. And my diabetes management is between me and my endocrinologist...or whomever I can find that might be better. Stick to psychiatry, you insignificant dingleberry on a baboon's blue ass. Then again, you suck at that, too, don't you? Bastard."

I have a rich inner life. Or something. :)

I couldn't face him again. Luckily (?), I was in a helluva lot of pain the day of the appointment and could cancel it in good conscience. I don't want to see the arrogant SOB again.

As for counselors, my last one wasn't working out and now I'm having trouble with the new one. She is having trouble understanding how negatively my fundy upbringing affected me and thinks I should be able to easily tune out all the fundy propaganda I'm exposed to on a daily business. It's not that easy. I need someone who can understand what it was like growing up fundy, what it was like to leave, what it was like to lose all my friends, what it was like to have them try to cast demons out of me, what it was like to be rejected simply because I no longer believe.

Someone who was not raised fundy--indeed, someone who wasn't me and wasn't raised in my situation--has a hard time understanding.

So, I'm adrift without a decent psychiatrist, without a counselor.

I think the first step is to find a new psychiatrist, but this county doesn't have any decent ones, anymore. There are two. One is--shall we say?--rather stupid. The other one is mean. He was in no small part responsible for his wife's suicide a couple of years ago. The inpatient psychiatrist is a fundy. The fundies are in charge of the funny farm and it ain't funny. Probably, I'll have to update to Dr. Television 2.0, if there is one.

Then I have to either educate my current counselor or find a new one.

Damn that bitch-doctor! Why does karma never affect those without a conscience? I want my PA and old counselor back!!!!

and used to see a good counselor. I'm just going to the psychiatrist now because it's too expensive to see the counselor. My insurance only covered half of her $100 a pop sessions. Plus I'm getting along ok right now and don't really feel the need to see a counselor. But I'm just saying there are good people out there working in the field. You've just apparently had some bad luck in finding the right mental health workers.

If I remember right you have limited access to doctors and counselors because you live in a rural area. Correct? Maybe the television doctors are your best chance at finding someone who is tolerable. Do you have a lot of choice on who you see via computer?

The provider has to accept Medi-Cal. It limits my health care. I see the person they tell me to see, pretty much.

It sounds like there are a number of insensitive people who work in your area who have no business in health care.
I have had my share of problems with doctors around here. I don't know if I really have good advice besides try to find out what all your options are. It is bad when you choose a health care professional based on who is less bad.
Good luck.

i presume there is no way to get your pa back. i can't believe that needing help gets you kicked out of a mental health clinic. oy.
it is hard to find a good one. my therapist has been damn little help to me so far. she is full of don't do that, don't do this, but no do's. just warnings about how high the stakes are in my situation. thanks, i would never have guessed.
you gotta keep trying, tho. what choice is there?