you just like being miserable

- I think you LIKE being unhappy.

Uh. Yeah. That's it. It makes me deliriously happy to be so f'ing miserable. yup.


Sometimes I do wonder though. This isn't the first person that said that to me. Do I? Or is this just something the clueless say to piss off the depressed? :shrug:


You know, when someone close to you says, 'what can I do to help?' or 'how are you really feeling today' - silly me, I take them at their word and try to tell the the real truth. Only, you know what? I don't think they really WANT to hear 'how I'm really feeling today'. They don't really WANT to hear what it is they can 'do to help'. They want to hear, "Oh, I'm just freaking fabulous. Everything's wonderful. Just be your sweet charming oh-so-supportive-and-understanding-self and while I'm at it, let me just do what ever your little heart desires because you've been oh-so-supportive-and-understanding and I know I've just been such a DRAG and a bitch and all. Want your pillow fluffed??"

:banghead:

Do you ever just get tired of even trying anymore?

a large percentage of the human population is in deep sleepwalking denial, shallow personalities , superficial understanding , unwilling to step out of what comforts themselves and expect the world to be the way they want it to, emotionally fucked up,or just dumb as a box of rocks.

I pretty much have given up on humanity. Too many of them are diseased with the normal virus , or locked deep in the land of make believe where abuse isn't painful to others,and they can control their own reality just by pretending to be good it will be different..for you too if you do as they do, never mind you'd need a barf bag to even GO there. Society is full of self delusions,some are sanctioned and others are not... or people got the sociopath/narcissistic/authoritarian , or evil virus..Just stay the fuck away from those people. Unless you are planning to gaslight them to get them out of an organization before the fuck it up with thier "charming" personality.

As for the human beings with decent empathy, I found the biggest concentration of empathic people is found among the mentally ill, the abused, the poor,the freak, gay and minority populations.
But also you can run into the worst asshole people too in these populations.

Being nutz you can kinda give up the pretense of "normalcy" after you have had issues for a few years, it is fruitless to even try to pawn it off as a momentary lapse of reason. Being among the mentally ill it's kinda relief in that way, but sometimes other people's issues and personalities can clash with yours and it's nobody's fault, and it can get ugly especially in group settings where staff have control issues and are totally oblivious to it.But all the patients know, which staff are fucked in the head...

Take heart, I agree I get sick of happy go lucky normals, acting like they can open Pandora's box and not see the demons inside.And then get offended when they get the truth. It IS annoying as hell.

One thing I do is something freaky and unexpected and kinda over the top to blow their minds after that bullshit.. When they are about about to spew the line, "you just like being miserable"..you can tell if you watch the body language it's like they are turning away inside and their eyes go flat..So I look at them and cross my eyes and twitch going Erk EeK urp. as I tell them I am SO Happy.

Or I just fall outta my chair and when they get all concerned I tell them I am OK I just collapsed from joy in a monotone.

Or I whap my head gently on the table for rhythm and grin from ear to ear like Jack Nicholson in the Shining,and sing the song from Ren and Stimpy, Happy happy, Joy Joy.(Even the parts about Whizzleteeth and I didn't mean to shoot officer really etc. in funny voices)

If I am particularly suicidal I might sing Ooooh.... The LOrd Loves A hangin'That's why he gave us necks, to tighten up the vocal chords and straighten out the pecs.. From Ren and Stimpy. Or I wanna die from misadventure...From Wayne's World..in a daffy duck voice or bullwinkle or some other funny voice. I do not let them get a word in edgewise, until after the song is over and they are unspeakably dumbfounded.(some of the looks I have gotten are priceless BTW.)

After the tune,before they can say anything,I whip around like I am possessed and look at them in the eyes with anger burning and say Oh,Yeah bay-bee!! I am having a WOnDerFul DaY!! Woot! in a syrupy way with 2 middle fingers up,what do you think I feel like hunny? Look dear, if you don't like knowing how I feel Pleese DON'T ASK ME AGAIN...Consider yourself warned.I won't lie for you... *smile*, I mutter I pity the fool.or Excuuuuse Me! Alrighty than,,.than I lay my head on the table until they sorta awkwardly slip out of the room totally mortified. Bwahahaha!!.

I got this technique down from years in the psych wards where they ask you really stupid questions that they don't want to hear the truth to... I swear if I ever hear "I know it's real to you but"..while a nurse scurries in with a needle of god knows what, aimed right for my ass.. it will be too soon. Sometimes it's best to blow them away with something so off the wall it just ends it right there. Being crazy has it's advantages against irritating people. It is better and more fun to fuck with these idiots heads than let them go on offending you.

want to be unhappy, no. can you not help it that you are unhappy? pretty much, yes.
talking to SOs requires that they do actually want to hear what you have to say. and also requires that they are not afraid to hear what you have to say. that can be pretty hard to come by.
i am an emotional person. DH tries really hard not to be. he is finally comfortable both with the fact that i have strong emotions, and the fact that he has more than he admits. it was a very scary thing for a while. he built a tall wall around his emotions, and there was a little flooding when it finally cracked. but he found out that what was on the other side was not more fear and pain, but a lot of love and trust. we just had to get that fear out of the way.
and everybody had to get some good sleep. big factor, too.

have courage, mzteris and your SO, too. like ava says- peace takes courage.

But in some instances, there are ignorant ones, in other cases just defended and in other cases they feel helpless too. good to sort it all out. I had no clue you were talking about your SO. Don't go acting all freaky with your sO. Do it to people you don't want asking you.

That said, "You like being miserable" line comes from the you make your own reality school of self delusion.Where everyone can be horatio Alger.
This mentality of berate the victim for hurting and pull yourself up by your bootstraps "tough love" is not helpful to many really,it might be ok for those who respond to"discipline" but not everyone responds to that discipline routine well .And some people discipline themselves inside and berate themselves so much to try to be good control symptoms etc for other people that the request to be more disciplined is ludicrous. Because for the person talking to you living out side of your head has no clue the tremendous amount of self control and struggle it takes in your own mind to overcome depression or mental illness just to function in life. That is something no one who has NOT felt mental illness fuck up their life or a psychological injury maker life hell can comprehend, how hard and painful mental illness IS.

nobody is fucking horatio alger anywhere, at all, anyway. everybody needs help and a support system. everybody.
keep trying panther. keep trying.

1. The people who try to support you because they want something back.

2. The people who support you because they care about you.

3. The people who don't know what else to do but support you and then learn, relationship goes both ways.

I don't mean these guys are stuck in categories but, that's what it feels like sometimes.

:hug:


/oops

:hug:

it's like saying to someone with a broken leg "you just like having a broken leg" or a diabetic "you just like diabetes"

I get tired of trying, I truly get so damned tired of trying sometimes.

:hug:

:grr::mad: ...incredibly dismissive.

I'm glad that depression (and mental health) are seen as legitimite health issues today, whereas years ago it was something most didn't even talk about or acknowledge. In spite of that, I am astounded that so many are still so disparaging of those that suffer from it.

No one WANTS to be sick.

Anyone that's ever suffered from depression knows how horrible it can be--the darkness, the isolation, the despair. The feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. :cry: I can't think of a soul that would ever WANT to feel any of it for an extended length of time.

I heard the fake protestation of concern so often I stopped taking it seriously years and years ago. I kept it all in and now it's exploding my world apart.

We're social creatures, we need to live within networks of relationships that support us through our lives. Nowadays that is mostly gone, and we are left with shifting networks of lightweight 'friends' who don't really give a shit. As you rightly pointed out, when you actually tell somebody how you REALLY are, they don't want to know. That would actually demand something from them, but the modern world is all about the self, not about what one can do for others. How many people notice when you're gone? Who calls, who emails? From my own experience, I can say: very few people. I don't see how anybody can NOT be depressed in a life such as this.

Even those you really believe ARE your friends - and then - they never call, never write, never check back to see how you're doing. . .

Though the original message was about someone supposedly much closer than a "friend" - but I don't think he really cares either. Or rather he cares, but only if it's 'good'. Never when it's bad. Bad is MY fault. Bad is anything that reminds him of his crappy childhood. Bad is anything not HAPPY and superficial and his f'ing WAY!

I have no "social network" to speak of. It seems as if DU is about as close as I get to friends these days - and I embarassed myself in the Lounge the other night so now I'm a bit wary of even posting in there. :(

I'm sorry. I know you're going through your own thing right now - and here I am going on about myself.

:hug: for you billyskank. I can't see how anyone could be anything less than your friend - you've always seemed to be such a straightforward, caring, unconditional type person.

This is *your* thread, and anyway just 'cause I'm unhappy doesn't mean you can't be. :hug:

For all its been well publicized people seem to not understand the reasons behind depression. Most of all they seem to not understand that its a chemical imbalance in the brain that often leads to depression so that you can't HELP being unhappy.
I also had someone today tell me that if I just go out and socialize more I would be much happier. Uh no. I have no desire to socialize with people really right now. In fact thats incredibly hard to do. I have a hard time just calling people on the phone. what makes you think that facing a roomful of people who while maybe good intentioned might bring up issues I wish to avoid dealing with right now.

On the meds, change the dosage, change the meds. Add the sleep aid. Change the sleep aid. Change it again. Change the med again. Change the dosage again. Add in something else. Change it's dosage. Drop the sleep aid. Try something else. Tweak tweak tweak.

And every freakin' time - you go through that adjustment - mental AND physical. Sleep problems. Diet problems. Weight gain. Anxiety. So gd tired during the day. Feeling blah. Looking for any little thing that might mean you're feeling better. Getting excited over being able to make a gd decision about which bunch of bananas to buy without dithering over them all.

And then - getting kicked in the teeth - again - by the person who says they really really do still care. Yeah. Right. Sure. And, of course, it's all your fault that they did it and why are you so upset anyway because what do you care what they do and they didn't really do anything wrong, but IF they did - it's your fault if they did. But they - er - didn't, of course. But IF they did - well.....

:banghead:

What other people do DOES affect me! Duh. I'm depressed and they're not friggin' helping any by their behaviour. But it's my fault because I'm depressed and I should just get over it and be happy happy HAPPY!

Sorry - ranting again. :(

You know the person who gave me the "get a life" lecture was my stepfather. He thinks I should associate more with "real" people. I guess that the nice folk here on DU are figments of my imagination....sometimes its really really nice to have anonymous friends to talk to, air out the frustrations especially when those closest to you DO NOT understand. I have been on that meds roller coaster too--I really understand that as well.

For a lot of people..and I may be one of them...being depressed is so common that it becomes your comfort zone,so to speak.It's not a matter of "liking" it per se,but it is easier to stay under that rock sometimes than to face the day.

This was pointed out to me by two psychiatrists and one counselor,so I doubt it was the clueless just trying to piss me off.My first reaction was to laugh inside at it,but the more I thought about it the more I realized that there was some truth to that,in my case anyways.

I honestly don't know how to react when good things happen,and it makes me very uncomfortable when they do,or when people actually care.My Spidey Sense starts tingling big time. :)

i have trouble keeping friends because of this. i don't want to bring anyone down and i don't want to be a burden and i don't feel that it's all that important to them anyways- many 'friends' i've had seem to get tired of hearing how i really feel. and yet if i hide it, they get offended. it's hard to tell who really cares about what's going on, and who is just acting because you know, that's what you're *supposed* to do. so i avoid getting close to people and try to keep my distance
i think a couple of people who have said that to me just felt hurt that they couldn't fix it and said that to lash out. i don't know.

Mainly for the same reasons,though I really don't trust even my best friends entirely.I do the same thing and avoid talking about it.I can be very negative when I'm really down,and there's not much anyone can say that will change it at the time,so why ruin their day too?

I've told people here more about me than I have my own family.I never tell them the mental aspect (can't hide the cancer part,or I'd do that too).

It sucks being alone but I'm done reaching out to change that.

i have 2 people that i talk to every day, and i always feel so guilty about talking about myself so much, but i cant help it if it's on my mind and won't go away. they are very good to me, though. i'm fortunate to have that, but i fear losing it and sometimes clam up and dont talk because of that fear. the thing that scares me more then anything else is being alone.