Lessening the severity and duration...

so one thing that I've noticed is I have a hard time not reacting to things that remind me of bad things that happened. Sometimes it's more intense and sometimes it's less... but it's always there.

Today it was a little worse than it has been lately, and that sucks. But I felt it starting, and I reminded myself that I won't be able to go through life and never be reminded... so it's on me to consciously mitigate those emotions that I have when I react this way, by concentrating on the fact that it's just my state of mind right now that's making it more severe... that it's not always this bad, and it doesn't have to be, and that dwelling on it won't help.

So I forced myself to stop thinking about it, to keep my focus external. It's helping... but I don't have much practice with this conscious re-directing once things get emotional. Usually I feel that loss of control and panic, and it can be days of misery after that.

But I think this time I've got a handle on it... barely.

This sucks.

The more I consciously redirect, the easier it gets. It's like muscular memory. Breathing, (controlled and deliberate) thought stopping ("Stop."), self affirmation ("You're going to be fine."), simplifying ("All I have to do is X; I don't have to solve everything. Okay, X".) And this from a person who at one time was a panic attack away from the ER.

Grab that handle, baby. :)

:hug:

I want to go into whinybutt mode about how it's just not faaaaair that I have to deal with this. :P

Which, since I'm mocking that, means I'm feeling better already... which is kinda surprising.

So yeah... shorter duration if not less intense today. Progress!

:hug:

:woohoo:

lol

There are about ten people in my big extended family dealing with the same DNA. More than once, we've traded stories about our panic and had big laughs. My darling godmother hyperventilating on the kitchen table over a mouse, waiting for us to drive over there like some "I love Lucy" episode. Me hyperventilating in the ER and refusing a tranquilizer because I was more afraid of Valium than of my impending demise, lol. My mother talking herself over a bridge and over another bridge and over a narrow mountain road and over another one because she was taking four kids up to Yosemite, my pro horn player brother playing a matinee, hyperventilating over a tripped trigger and then, going back in to play the evening show. lol

We need to do a book. :)