Wondering if any of you

get so depressed, and scared, that you just make things worse by not participating in life? By hiding. By putting off important things.

I get so worried and scared, of everything, that I stop opening the mail, stop answering the phone, stop talking to most everyone...the end result is bad.

And the thing is, it makes it so much harder to appear ok. And then there is the starting over, again, and again, and again. Repairing the damage. 10 x the work there would have been. Never getting ahead.

You are certainly not the only one who does that.

I'm 43 - should have done something with my life by now, but I'm always playing catch-up because of all the crap going on between my ears - and sometimes the mountains seem so enormous that I just want to shut down completely.

I turn in on myself and don't want to leave my apartment, or do the bill, or go run important errands. The difficulty socializing because of my Asperger's doesn't help.

and want to fill in. This is a symptom of depression (I learned from my doc-internist). I'm taking meds, have been for several years, and they usually work. Have a big confluence of events occurring in my life now, so I use that as an excuse to do nothing; things have degraded recently. Friends and family either complain or try to help. My sleep/wake pattern is NOT a pattern or schedule.

Chat on.

I have bipolar disorder, and recurring episodes of depression are part of the illness. Even with medication and treatment, sometimes you can't avoid it, and you have to learn to get through it.

If you're having issues, talk to a medical professional. If it keeps happening over and over again, it may be more than just "a passing phase". It could be part of a diagnosable, treatable medical condition.

You don't have to continue to live that way.

That's one of the worst parts of depression. It just feeds on itself making things even harder to do. The urge to withdraw is almost overwhelming, including the urge to withdraw permanently (which thankfully I'm not feeling lately, and I hope you aren't as well). It becomes an endless cycle that seems impossible to break.

If possible, I highly recommend trying to find a counselor to talk to. What you're feeling can spiral out of control very easily. A counselor/therapist isn't a cure all, but they can help a lot. Sometimes just having someone to talk to that isn't directly involved in the things bothering you can be a blessing in disguise. Please take care of yourself.

Put it all in paper grocery sacks, like it was toxic waste, and it was too. My neolithic ancestors didn't have to worry about crap like that. They hunted, they gathered, and if you were depressed, well maybe a bear would eat you.

The IRS was not amused that I had multiple unopened notices in those paper sacks. But when my meds were right I dropped it all off at an accountant who's seen worse, and he fixed it up.

Depression sucks, and it can be expensive too.

Best wishes to you -- may you find something that works for you, and may you see something or someone to make you smile every day.