The pendulum has swung...my other half is manic

He's driving me up a wall. The tax money is coming, and he's been plotting ways to spend it ever since he found out how much it would be. He's been spending hours online looking for parts for his car (not to keep it running, to MODIFY it). My job situation is highly unstable right now, but that doesn't seem to matter.

He thought that his clutch was going out, but found out today that's not the case. It's something else in the transmission, which can be handled with a $250 deductible thanks to a warranty plan we have through our car insurance. Well, since they're messing with the transmission anyway...He's up to about $1600 now.

We're getting just under $4000 back (EIC). $2000 of it goes to his mom, who financed my car for me because my credit blows (thanks to him). So, we'll have about $400 left once he does all of this rap to his car. I need new glasses...I'm out of contacts, and my glasses are four years old. I can basically see out of them, but it's time for a new pair. By the time I get new glasses and contacts (the only things I specifically stated that I wanted out of the return, well in advance), there won't be much left.

Why oh why oh why does he have to spend money as soon as he gets it??????

Lithium works wonders for me. I haven't had an episode of mania since I started taking it 20 months ago. But it's also possible that he is just bad with money. My dad's not mentally ill, but he has to spend every penny that doesn't go for bills. He actually started spending more than he brought in and is now working a second job to pay off his credit cards. There are sane people all over the country who do that type of thing.

There's nothing wrong with him.

Yeah, OK.

So, it's normal for a guy in his thirties, with a family, to not work (or even look for work) for three years? No, I don't make millions, we barely scrape by. I had a hysterectmony, was off work for 6 weeks, drawing disability from the job, but only 60% of my normal income. Then there was the six months that I was unemployed. We were on food stamps to eat because the unemployment barely covered the bills. He never budged.

It's normal to go into a fit of rage for reasons known only to you, and not tell the other people why you're mad? You just bang cabinets, throw things, and act like a two year old. This is normal?

It's normal to blame ALL problems on someone else? Nothing is ever YOUR fault. He can't keep a job because I make his life so miserable. Please note, he makes no moves to leave. I am a horrible person, because I won't let him do everything that he wants to do. Oh yeah, and after two kids, I got fat. I weigh 115.

He also tells me that he'd like to kill himself, and how he'd like to do it. Oh, and that's my fault too, because it's my fault that he's unhappy.

I think I'm ready for meds now, even if he isn't. Sorry about the rant, but it had to go somewhere.

I'm kinda new here, but I feel for what you're going through.

I am bipolar, and I refuse to take my meds - they make me feel like someone robbed me of my soul. I'm hoping to be a writer when I get out of college, and the way they make me, I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything but drooling. Plus, I have a severe distrust of the pharmaceutical companies. (look at the news lately)

Reading what you say about your other half, kinda reminds me of things I do myself. (unfortunately). I know I drive everyone around me mad when I'm cycling - I try my hardest to control it with talk therapy, ( I think talk therapy works a hundred times better than any med they try and force me to take) and herbs, but it doesn't always work.

Have you thought of setting up a separate bank account? I know that's a pain in the ass, but if you were able to do that, then there might be a way to not let him know about the money. Does he go to therapy? I have heard of people taking herbs, like valerian root, kava kava, etc. to help bring them down when they're too high (manic). I have used valerian, and it did help some.

That sounds horrible the way he talks to you. Do you go to therapy? Have you thought of any of the online support groups for families?

My thoughts are with you - I hope things mellow out for you soon. This newsletter this man puts out keeps me up to date on the most current BP research, sometimes he has some good tips. http://www.mcmanweb.com/

On Edit: As hard as it is to realize, this disease is most likely biological, so you have to remember, that it's not really him talking all the time. I have a hard time distinguishing that myself, and I know others around me do as well. This book might help too...
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1572243422/qid=1108471305/sr=8-6/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i6_xgl14/103-2571036-2818238?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder
by Julie A. Fast, John D. Preston

I had to cut up his credit cards and get separate bank accounts and I charge him "rent".

He went on a variety of mood stabilizers that certainly have helped.

His father also has manic swings that are well treated with lithium.

All you said was that he liked to spend all his money. There are a lot of people who have that problem who are not mentally ill.

Honestly if I were in your situation I would be thinking about leaving. If he won't accept help and continually makes life bad for you, what's the point in staying with him? If you threaten to leave he might get his act together.

with good results. you have to start at 1 gram and get one with as much DHA as possible.

but the fact that you accept being treated like dirt. Since you don't have money for therapy, find a support group - any of the Anonymous groups are great - and they have them for EVERYTHING now.

Get some help, work on your issues and you won't take his crap anymore.

I know. I've lived it.

consider yourself lucky if you have no kids and leave him as soon as you find a place to go.Do not talk to him when he begs,do not take him back,you gotta be strong because you are the strong one.He will get his stuff together maybe, but don't look back. Advice from a stranger is odd,I am relating to what you said about your partner because it sounds like he has to get his life together and the love you have for each other won't help.It's romantic to say love conquers all,you are not his mommy.

Someone needs to put the brakes on all this before your head explodes.

Having had my own head exploded many times, can I ask a question?

Have you found a quiet way to talk to him? My larger half had so much going on, I had to sort through it all piece by piece. Being able to tag up in a quiet way was one piece that helped me nail all the other ones down (as much as they are, anyway).

Sometimes my husband doesn't treat me very thoughtfully and it hurts my feelings. But after looking at it really closely, it's not his wish to do that. It's a side effect of what his brain can do to him/us, not at all a lack of love or respect. But, that's just us.

Take good care,
Beth