Loner Guilt?

I had a big fight with my mom about three months
ago. Well, she got really mad at me. Neither one
of us had a car and so we used to rent one every
couple of weeks to run errands and such.

She yelled at me about something, and I wasn't in
the mood to deal with it, so when she went into the
store to get something, I walked to the bus stop and
caught a bus and went home.

I turned my phone off, and later when I turned it on
again, she had left me six messages, each one more
panic stricken than the next one, where was I, how could
I leave her. (She has panic attacks and agoraphobia, but
she has a habit of using her illness as a club to get what
she wants.)

I left her because I didn't feel like being yelled at.

I wrote her a letter about a month later offering lunch,
and she wrote back with an ultimatum that I was in the
wrong and I must beg for forgiveness or some such bullshit.

So she's got a grudge on, and I'm not in the mood to deal
with it. She's pissed off. I wrote back with an open
lunch invitation, and sent a card with a cute polar bear
saying I missed her. Nothing. No response.

I used to see her about once a week, and to be totally
honest, not having to see her that often (or at all) is
a huge relief. I'm totally okay that she's got a mad on.

Hence the question about the guilt. Are my feelings
just dead or does this kind of relief make sense to
anybody?

I'm with you all the way kid, you have to defend your boundaries.
It can take years for them to come around though, or never.
On the other hand, you put up with that sort of treatment and
you get to do it forever; and nobody has a right to be uncivil
to you, so it's completely appropriate to bail out when they do.

I thought she understood where the lines were.
Or at least she put on a good show. (Her and
my Dad are divorced have been divorced for about
six years. I guess I should have said I'm 40
going on 16 it feels like. We had a good thing
for a lot of years.)

And now my friends who saw how close we were are
still asking me "have you talked to her?" I'm at
a loss to explain this sense of relief I feel at
not having to deal with her anymore.

Hence the guilt.

These things are OK until they are not OK.
That's how it is with power struggles, which is what this is.

Keep the lines of communication open, I will be surprised if
there is not an eventual resolution, it doesn't sound that bad
to me, as these things go.

And you have zippety-doo-dah to feel guilty about. She's the
one being stiff necked, and she has to learn to respect your
autonomy(IMHO).

:)

I'm getting ready to take it to another level
though.

I've lived in the same place for a dozen years.
I've loved it here.

Thing is, finally my feet are starting to itch.
I work from home as a transcriptionist through
the Internet, so I basically can work anywhere I
want. If I can get an Internet connection in
Honolulu or Seattle or Miami, then I can work
there.

I've never seen the Grand Canyon or The Badlands or
the Florida Keys or Niagara Falls. I've got a yen
that I want to go.

Yikes, huh?

Yikes indeed.