Device Allows Cheney to Experience Love for the 1st Time

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_heart_device_allows_cheney_to

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Device Allows Cheney to Experience Love for the First Time.

"Recovering from minor heart surgery Sunday, Dick Cheney stunned both the medical and political establishments when he mysteriously began to experience love for the first time in his life..
It is believed to have been the first recorded incident of Cheney exhibiting compassion for his fellow man.

"When he came home, he did not characteristically stomp into the house and grumble about how the 'stupid American people should just be shot,'" Mrs. Cheney said. "Instead, he bent down to scratch the dog behind his ears instead of kicking him, and kissed me off-camera for the first time in 10 years." Later, he canceled his regular weekly meeting with Halliburton executives, then kicked off his shoes, rolled up his pants, and strolled around barefoot on the White House lawn.

Attending a GOP fundraiser, Cheney said "If the events of Sept. 11 have taught us anything, it is this: We need to learn to love one another." "We are all entwined in an unbreakable braid of human brotherhood. Each of us has something good and special to offer. If we work together, we can make the world into a most wonderful place where we can turn our attention to the truly important things, like snuggling." "I've wasted so much of my life on a mindless quest for power and outright destruction," an increasingly emotional Cheney said. "What about all the sunsets I've missed?"