Prayers desperately needed....

I am losing it.

Again.

After 20+ years of battling depression (I am 34) I have finally been diagnosed not as deppressive but as bi-polar.
Which means wll the anti-depressants I'd been on didn't work for a reason. And they made my illness worse to boot. INstead of cylcing over months I now cycle over a week or even in a day.

I haven't had a great relationship with God over the years and have been even more distant since my mother died a couple of winters ago. (How dare he let that happen?!) And now I have this craziness that keeps getting worse, a med that is scary yet unlikely to help me for months, a husband who despises my faith beliefs and doesn't believe I am mentally ill, and my dad is seriously involved with a woman (which I am mostly ok with, but I still miss my mom.. and miss them as a couple.)

I am so stressed out right now and feeling so fragile and have been crying off and on all day.

So some hugs and prayers could be just the thing I need. :cry:

:hug::hug::hug: You have had an awful lot on your plate. I pray that this diagnosis will help bring you healing, wholeness, and peace at last.

hopefully, this new diagnosis will allow you to receive the sort of treatment and meds that will help you. :hug:

:hug:

And send your ignorant husband to talk to your doctor, if he doesn't believe you have a real illness.

That's half the battle. If you want to drop in on the Mental Health Support Group (I post there) you'll meet a lot of folks who are battling issues similar to yours.

So you're a rapid cycler -- eek! But don't panic: the first thing I'd do is find a REALLY good doctor (I have ADD and I trust my doctor implicitly) if you don't have one already.

Next, find out all you can about your illness, and all the treatment options. And a support group (not a virtual one), if possible.

And hang in there.

:hug:
I also lost my faith in God when my mother died. I was just 13 and just rebelled against God and religion. It took me time to understand that my rebellion was linked to my mother's death (duh!) and even longer to realize that this is not a reason to turn my back on the Creator/ Spirit.
I recently refound faith in my middle-age (don't tell anyone -- late 40s) and have found praying to Mary helpful.
I will keep you in my prayers tonight and I wish you the best. Now that you have a diagnosis, you should get better treatment.

I'm not religious, but I saw your post and felt the need to post...My gf is bi-polar, severely so, on disability. She's survived the worst of the worst, and she's still here, going strong. She's our hero. :)

:hug:

but my prayers are with you. My faith and others' prayers are the only things that have helped me with my bouts of depression, so you are definitely in my thoughts.