A Discussion of Step Two

I pulled out some recovery material someone had given me a while back. The only information I have reads "Kelly Foundation" on the header. I haven't googled. This is offered as is and I am just wondering if anyone wants to give feedback.

The starting point is that Bill Willson had what he described as an Eperience! Suddenly he was free of alcohol. It doesn't always happen that way, does it? I've had many 'experiences', but none that suddenly freed me from alcohol. The Awakening is harder for me to understand. AZDem has described action! as the was to find it. I think?

Anyway, reading this was inspirational. No Experience yet! But my mind seems to have a dysfunction, in that it needs to understand. I have been getting a lot of lessons on surrender! That's a good thing?

I would appreciate your comments.

Here's the snip >

Spiritual Awakening vs. Spiritual Experience

Kelly foundation document :

Experience :
“…the people who experienced the sudden changes were very sick alcoholics, chronically confused and hardly capable of helping themselves in any way”.

Awakening :
… of the education variety
… occurs when the alcoholic realizes that changes have taken place in his life (becoming aware)
… as a result of these steps
… open mindedness
… make spirituality simple and understandable

“Both produce the same result: a personality change good enough to recover from alcoholism. … The 12th Step clearly indicates that the inevitable result of taking the Steps is a spiritual awakening”.

is just admitting the insanity of thinking you can drink. we keep lying to ourselves that "this time it will be different" or 'i just can't go on without a drink' even knowing that any problem you have is only going to be compounded by drinking at it.

the action steps start at the 4th. 1,2 & 3 are just getting it through your head that you have lost control of your drinking and that it is causing major problems in your life (Step 1) and that every resource of self will, personal discipline or promises have failed us. We continue to lie to ourselves to set up the next drink. we obsess on drinking. and nothing in our minds seem to be able to stop that obsession. Some other power must be engaged.(step 2)

Step 3 is just a decision. If I make a decision to go to Austin but never book a hotel room, buy gas and sit my arse in the car and start driving the decision was meaningless as I'm still in NM.

The one thing i will say is I had a lot of confusion about "my will" and "my life" in early recovery. What exactly was I "turning over"?

My will is my thoughts, my life is my actions in the outside world. I was told to ask every morning for a HP to keep me sober. Since I didn't have a HP at the time, I used an oldtimer's HP instead. I literally said every morning "Dear Oldtimer's (insert his name here)God, please keep me sober today."

throughout the day if the thought of a drink came into my mind (which it did and often) I would ask again "Dear Oldtimer's God, keep me sober." then I would purposely go find something to do. I'd clean the house if no meetings were available. I'd read the Big Book, I'd call another AA and tell them I was feeling shaky. ANYTHING to push that thought of a drink back just another minute. Sometimes it was a minute by minute thing, in fact often it was.

What I didn't realize is that I was acting on that 3rd step decision by my willingness to do what was suggested. I turned my will (thoughts) over to that Oldtimer's God by asking for help and I turned my life over by doing actions to push that thought of drinking away a second, a minute, an hour at a time.

At the end of the day, I'd say "Dear Oldtimer's God, thank you for keeping me sober today." before I went to sleep.

Surrender is a good thing. As long as I thought I'd find an easier softer way, my way to not drink I was in trouble. When I decided (and followed up with action) to do it their way things started changing. I never said "I'm working my program." I always said 'I'm working the program.' My way didn't work. I had proven that over and over. but I had proof right in front of my eyes at every meeting that the program worked. Just looking at the happy, healthy people in the meetings was proof.

And a little bit of pride helped too. I thought "if they can do it, I can do it" and "If it worked for them, why not me? I'm smarter than lots of those folks so if they can figure it out, so can I."

so to sum up, the 2nd step is about realizing the insanity (lie) that we tell ourselves and that something else has to help. that our best thinking isn't getting the job done and that maybe this other idea might help. I honestly didn't have ANY faith it *would* help, but was willing to surrender my thinking and try it. Based on that belief I started to try it and from the results I learned faith. but it wasn't an overnight thing, it was a struggle in the minute by minute actions every day while I detoxed.

Blessings

as always. I've been waiting for the big white lightening stick in the sky to whack me on the head and make me "SOBER". The reading suggests I'm not going to get that. I'll have to crawl. oh damn

the universe will come in to support you.

don't count out that lightening stick all together, you just have to truly be willing to go to any length

you are my higher power. I mean it sincerely. Bob might be okay? But I like you. (what you have to say)

that sounds so sappy. I need people to lean on. Is that wrong?

every morning (and throughout the day as needed) pray "Dear AZDem's God, please keep me sober" and don't forget to give thanks at night for a sober day.

I truly did just that, "Dear Neil Burt's (may Neil Rest In Peace) God, keep me sober."

but votes, it really was a minute, sometimes a second, at a time in those early weeks. you just have to keep asking and keep asking. the one thing it did do was replace the drinking thoughts with a willingness thought minute by minute.

just keep saying "I won't drink this minute, no matter what. I may drink tomorrow, but just this one minute I won't drink, no matter what. Please (insert any name here)God please keep me sober right now." and then go *DO* something. Clean out the closet, get something to eat, take a shower ANYTHING! but get up and *DO* something healthy. Ask yourself "What would I be doing right now if I wasn't totally insane?" then go do it

:hug:

PS BOB is pretty cool too, but whatever it takes. You can use my God, he is really really big and loves you a lot!

when an elephant gets sick all the other elephants gather round and hold her up until she gets better

there is a reason the steps all say "We" it's a "we" program. you have proven to yourself over and over that you can't do it by yourself. Let us hold you up and love you until you get better.

the sick elephant doesn't feel disgraced?

I should think it would know and be grateful for the love of it's fellows and promise to pay it forward when the opportunity presents

Love is not a one way street you know. It's an ebb of flow that goes where it is needed the most. One can't truly give love until one can receive it without any expectation of response.

Can we learn to accept the grace and love of the universe without keeping a ledger sheet in our hearts?

"I owe you but you over there owe me. OMG, I can't 'be beholden' to anyone! So I have to get the tally sheet even again because Heaven Forbid I accept a gift with graciousness and gratitude."

sound familiar? can you find an attitude of gratitude for gifts freely given? can you realize that gifts you receive today can be paid back later when you actually *have* something to give?

Remember that every single person sitting in a room of AA today with a little sobriety under their belt had those spiritual tools freely given to them in their early days. It is the deal we make when working those steps. the 12th step tells us that "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we try to carry this message to others (especially alcoholics) and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

only after we have reaped the rewards do we quit taking and start giving. but first we have to be willing to take what is so freely offered

As Dr. Bob tells us on page 181 why he "carried the message" for the rest of his days

1. Sense of Duty
2. It is a pleasure
3. Because in doing so I am paying the debt to the man who took the time to pass it on to me
4. Because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip (relapse)

so my dear votes, thank you for keeping me sober one more day

:hug:

I was rather confused, conflicted and angry when I came in. It was very difficult for me to conceptualize any sort of benevolent power that could work for good in my life, much less restore me to sanity. I am not exactly sure how I actually came to believe, but I do know it was a gradual process.

I was in a big hurry to "get" Step Two, and was getting really frustrated, when a very wise AA said to me, "Some cakes take a little longer to bake than others, that does not make them bad cakes, just different. And it is okay to be different."

except something being bigger than you and that this something or other might help you stay sober.

I've had such a stormy journey with the notion of "God" that I will say that simple is better for me.

It's not hard to believe in powers greater than I am. Alcohol (and a lot of other things too) was greater than I am. The universe is greater than I am. The idea is to find power. The group is greater than I am. I can't stay sober without them.

Simple is better for me. When I get caught up in trying to figure out HP, I get more messed up than when I just accept that it is. I live in the redder part of the country and a lot of AA'ers are pretty into the church thing. I attend a church, but I would probably make many people cringe if they had any idea what I believed. Or not. They might not care a bit.

It's an adventure of the spirit!