Update on MBD: First two meetings, Dr.'s appt, etc.

First of all, thanks for all who have checked on me. I have had a two days or so with the doctor and two meetings and -- gasp -- starting to function and take care of my family again. Tonight is exactly one week since my first post in this forum, and you guys have motivated me and given me the courage to stop drinking, admit my problems to my husband, go to the doctor and attend two meetings. My last drink was Monday morning, March 19 at 9:35 a.m. I threw it up in the kitchen sink. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since. I am nowhere near in the clear, but I have started what is hopefully a long, sober journey to a better life.

The Doctor: I told my family physician everything. When I saw him on Tuesday, it had been a mere 30 hours since my last drink. He was anything but condemning. He upped my blood pressure meds (I've been hypertensive for years -- gee, think drinking had anything to do with that?), did a physical exam ("Liver still soft and pliable...."), tons of bloodwork, and thanked me copiously for telling him about my problem. He assured me he'd work with me to get it taken care of, and told me to get to AA pronto.

When the labs came back, my electrolytes were all whacky -- potassium and sodium low, etc. (Not eating and throwing up does that to a person I guess) Now for the unbelievably good news: my liver function tests were only "slightly elevated." WHAAAAAAT??? Levels he assured me will come quickly back to normal in 4 to 6 weeks of complete abstinence and improved diet. I feel so blessed. I was sure my liver was about to fall into the street and shatter, and I told him so. He attributes my good fortune to my otherwise healthy lifestyle when I'm not abusing alcohol. (When I'm sober, I'm one of the "healthiest lifestyle" people you'll ever meet -- ridiculously good diet, exercise 5 days a week -- which is one of the ironies of this whole thing).

The Meetings: I went to two meetings. The first was in a church with an older congregation, and no surprise, the meeting attendees were all over 55. They didn't make me feel weird, though. Everyone was nice and offered me coffee and what not. I felt like everyone's daughter. Or granddaughter. They had a speaker on Higher Powers and Steps related to that concept, so there was no real discussion. (This seems to be a speaker kinda group, as they were talking about who the next speaker was going to be). Some folks were sitting at tables and some were in chairs against the wall, about 25 people in all. I was horrified to be the youngest person at first, but no one was horrified but me, evidently. Probably a good meeting to be my first.

The second meeting was downtown and a lot tougher for me. Mostly men, and from the snippets of conversation I heard, many were there through court order (no judgment there -- could easily have been me). I hung in the back row and listened to the speaker (I did not consciously seek out meetings with speakers, it just turned out that way). The message was about admitting that we are powerless against alcohol and that if we do not turn to our higher power and attend meetings, WE WILL DIE. That's when it got a litte fire-and-brimstone. The guy was almost (but not quite) shouting things like "THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW. ACCEPT IT." Woah. I'm having enough trouble with one day of sobriety at a time, dude. "This is your life" is a concept that sent me running into the street with the shakes.

So, I know I need to hear that message, but that was not the group for me. I will keep trying. I promise. I'm going back to the Grandma and Grandpa group tomorrow (fits my schedule) and go from there. I can find many meetings in my area, it's just doing it at a time that my son is in daycare or my husband can care for him. I'm going to try two different groups on Saturday and Sunday.

Well, there it is. I am still having my problems, of course. the withdrawl symptoms are easing, I have been able to drive and cook and go to the grocery store and function a bit(faking normality), but I am far, far from "okay." My brain is still reeling at what I have done (guilt, horror, self-hatred), my body is going to take a long time to heal and tells me "fuck you" in many ways. I am working on reading "Twelve steps and Twelve Traditions" right now and have ordered the Big Book online.

I have not cried yet. Not since my last drink. That is coming, I felt it today, and it will probably all come out at my first meeting where someone is "nice" to me and/or when I tell my story.

Again, thank all of you for your time, your compassion, and your giving. I am here because of your support.

MBD

I meant the crying. Not a drink. god willing! MBD

So glad to hear you're doing well (you really are). Good for you that you're taking what you can from your meetings. It sounds to me (and I'm a real newbie with AA) that maybe you went to some open meetings or speaker ones? Your first meeting would normally have you splitting off with the women into another room where they tell you their stories. I bawled at my first AA meeting a couple of years ago. This time around I was mentally alot further along. But I remember how it felt, so I know where you're coming from.

I walked in on a meeting last Friday that had only men (they joked that women do show up, they just don't come back). I'm getting over myself and it was fine. I would also recommend a counselor/therapist. Mine has helped me get to the real issues fast and since I can't go to as many meetings as I'd like, this really helps. I've gone 3 times (counseling) and doubt I'll need to go much longer. She has me working on a relapse prevention plan. So, if that doesn't take too much, I can just stick with AA after that.

What I've done mentally, to get me to accept the not drinking is viewing as an allergy. My husband's allergic to honey. He really likes it and loves baklava, but knows what happens if he eats it. So, he doesn't. My body has a reaction to alcohol. If I don't drink, I don't have that reaction. Might seem stupid, but it's been helping me cope.

Take care and keep us in the loop!

It took a lot of courage to come that clean with your doctor. I am certain you will find a couple meetings that really click for you. Obviously that mostly men one was probably not one of them.

:hug:

You and your courage has brought a smile to my face today. Thank you.

And I couldn't be happier for you.

See if at the next meeting you attend they have a meeting list for your area, they should. This will allow you to find meetings that fit your schedule.
And keep communicating with your loved ones, and us about your hopes, dreams and passions. Be honest with people but most of all be honest with yourself.

Peace to you and your family MBD, and just remind yourself, I won't drink TODAY, you'll be amazed at how far that will take you.

:yourock:

John

that really gave me chills as 3/19/92 was my original date of sobriety, so many memories. I used to go to a group like that in Black Mountain, with many older people. I hope to be one of those people one day as many of them have decades of sobriety and may have gotten sober at the same age I did.

There is also a meeting in downtown Asheville, or was, called 107 Broadway (it may have moved) that is like that, with a lot of people just stepping in to get an hour off the streets and free coffee. It is good also to go to meetings at treatment centers for yet another perspective. I went to all different kinds, including women's meetings and gay meetings, and gained something from each one. I am glad that you are feeling better and your withdrawal is easing and I wish you the best and hope that you continue to get better and better and better.

you've been in my thoughts a lot.

maybe a noon meeting will click, often they're full of busy professional people :shrug:

in any case, you'll find your AA home I know :hug:

so glad the physical stuff is managable and your doctor is supportive and already knows your history, that helps a lot.

if you need to talk, or have questions, we're here, just reach out and we'll be there.

Welcome to the road of happy destiny, it's a wild ride but worth every minute!

:bounce:

Finding the right meetings was hard for me, too, at least at first. After a while I got to know people and felt at home at any meeting. But not for those first few months.

A good piece of advice that someone gave me early on was to get a phone number from someone, anyone, at each meeting I went to. It forced me to reach out and connect with people and gave me a list of folks to call when the going got tough. And call I did........ Experienced AA's love to give out their number and like it even better when you actually call them. :hug: Good luck!

and let us know how you're doing.

You're at the end of your first week
and that's great!!

Keep going to different meetings till you
find ones you like.
The Grandpa/Grandma meeting sounds good,
they will take you under their wings.

As yes, get lots of phone numbers.
If you can't reached the first person
you call, you will have more numbers to call.

Bless you, MBD.

Please stay in touch with us.

:hug: