This is Twisty, and therefore far too hot to post anywhere else

There's plenty in the post that goes before this list, but really, this is the solid gold

http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/12/06/i-got-yer-rape-prevention-email-forward-right-here/

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to assault her.

4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don’t assault her. You know what? Don’t even ogle her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars.

7. When you lurk in bushes and doorways with criminal intentions, always wear bright clothing, wave a flashlight, or play “Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)” by the Raveonettes on a boombox really loud, so women in the vicinity will know where to aim their flamethrowers.

8. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a trusted feminist friend to accompany you when in public.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to assault a woman, you can hand the whistle to your buddy, so s/he can blow it to call for help.

10. Give your buddy a revolver, so that when indifferent passers-by ignore the rape whistle, s/he can pistol-whip you.

Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her that you expect to be assaulting her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

I can here the scream of indignation from here; But but but *I* don't rape! This couldn't apply to me! I love women! What about the men?

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/06/02/jackson-katz-violence-against-women-is-a-mens-issue

Snip:
Another reason why Katz has a problem with people using women's issues to describe violence against women is the issue of perpetration and who is responsible for perpetrating these acts. "Take rape for example," said Katz. "Over 99 percent of rape is perpetrated by men, but it's a women's issue?"

Kats said one underlying problem is that college campuses tend to focus on the prevention of rape and sexual violence. "But the term prevention in not really prevention; rather, it's risk reduction," Katz said. "These programs focus on how women can reduce their chances of being sexually assaulted. I agree that women benefit from these education programs, but let us not mistake this for prevention."

"If a woman has done everything in her power to reduce her risk, then a man who has the proclivity for abuse or need for power will just move on to another woman or target," Katz added. "It's about the guy and his need to assert his power. And it's not just individual men, it's a cultural problem. Our culture is producing violent men, and violence against women has become institutionalized. We need to take a step back and examine the institutionalized polices drafted by men that perpetuate the problem."

for years.

Because of my disability I was in college for 9 years instead of the normal 4-5, I was in this organization for 6 of those years. I would go in front of lecture halls of up to 50 people and talk to people about "rape prevention" and about how men need to get involved in preventing rape.

I didn't know at first that I knew anyone who had been raped, but as people found out about my volunteer work a lot of my friends (women) came forward and told me they had been raped and talked to me about it.

A lot of people assumed that I did this volunteer work because someone I loved had been raped. I never said otherwise. I just told them that someone they loved had probably been raped and they would never have been told. They wouldn't know. They should care about this and do something about it assuming that someone they know has been affected.

I wish we had taken a whole different perspective. I wish it was more about preventing men from raping instead of preventing women from being at risk. I wish in retrospect that we had been so much more savy than we were. :(

But I hope we did some good.

:hug:

It's really a major cultural shift and something that takes real initiative to change. Risk reduction is important, but it doesn't work towards stopping rape.

You're a wonderful person. Thanks for all you do.

And from the quote in PeaceNikki's post:


"If a woman has done everything in her power to reduce her risk, then a man who has the proclivity for abuse or need for power will just move on to another woman or target," Katz added.


Do you know, I had never actually thought of it this way? I'm feeling quite embarrassingly stupid.

I know I hadn't done enough to reduce my risk when I was abducted, raped, blah blah. I was off guard because I was hitchhiking with a man (who had been mistaken by the abducter for a woman - ya can't tell the boys from the girls these days, yada yada). He was going to Toronto, I was going farther, when he got out at highway 10 I wanted to as well, because the ride, while not "bad", was boring and irritating and a little weird; he said no, it's a good ride, going all the way, stay on. So I did.

I firmly believe that one always, always reports -- no one with a conscience could live with the thought of it happening to someone else and knowing one could have averted that. In my case, the women affected by two previous incidents with the same man that weekend did report (one in which two teenaged girls were raped, one in which three teenaged girls got away from him -- the ones we know of, the ones who did report), and I am eternally grateful to them. Police were looking for him when he found me, so it was too late, but with my info they found him in short order. I do believe he was escalating, and the next woman would have been found dead if ever, as I almost was.

But I'd never thought: what if I had done what I "should have" to protect my risk? Not hitchhiked, not got in that car, not stayed with that ride, not ignored my gut. Were there no other women hitchhiking on the 401 that day? He was driving around looking for victims -- that's the part I realized later, and connected with my blithe 60s university-student assumption that people who picked up hithchikers were to be presumed good, and how wrong I was. I'd just never thought: if not me, someone else, who might not have been so quickwitted/lucky and got away in time.


So thanks to both Book Lover and PeaceNikki for my two thoughts for the day!




fixing those typos ...

And share it with everyone you know.

"This is the foundation strategy for engaging young men and boys in gender violence prevention," Katz told an audience of school counselors, social workers, teachers, University of Iowa psychology students, social workers, and community members at a forum in Iowa in April. "The first problem I have with labeling gender issues as women's issues is that it gives men an excuse to not pay attention. This is also the problem with calling them gender issues, because the majority of the people in the status quo see gender issues as women's issues."

This particular discussion point also really hit me like a ton of bricks:

Le sigh. I do not love the world in which she has to exist, though.

Quote:
I do not love the world in which she has to exist, though.

:)

That really belongs in GD next time there is a rape discussion thread.

I wish I was around more often right now so I knew I'd see it to comment on it.

Thank you for posting that. Brilliant! I had forgotten about that blog, I used to read it frequently.

It just seemed so ... right. ;)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=118&topic_id=271889&mesg_id=271889

:thumbsup:

This is asinine; "How many men here do you really think attact women" (More that you would imagine motherfucker. Try to be part of the solution hmm? Just for a day?)

Perfect post iverglas

I just checked out that thread... now off to shower, though we all know some shit just don't come off...

I've hung out there for years. Believe it or not, the issue can be intellectually stimulating -- clashes of public interests and individual rights, all that.

It's gone the same way as DU in general -- intellectual stimulation, any kind of informed discussion, is at a premium these days. And remember how much lower on the ladder that place started. ;)

So when I wandered back after one of my increasing extended absences last winter, and took a look around, and thought: ick and ew, I just decided not to waste much more time on nice -- as in both Ms. Nice or "nice" arguments ("characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy: nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis").

A movement and its adherents are what they are.* Saying it is worthwhile. In this case: right-wing, racist, misogynist scum. Particularly misogynist, but very importantly an integral part of the modern right wing the US. Viz "open carry" at kids' soccer games and in family restaurants, and guns at healthcare rallies. Wtf, eh? And the guns-on-campus movement, which is first cousin to the "free speech" on campus movement (Horowitz et al.) (and organized/funded by the same network), anti-choice exhibits on campus, etc. Provocateurs. Using rights as a club with which to smite any uppity disadvantaged group within reach, and to impress upon anyone considering getting uppity that they, the racist misogynist right wing in all its manifestations, control the public spaces of the nation.

*I refer, of course, to the gun militant movement, not any DU members in particular or in general. ;)

It can be fun. Really!



typos........

Around here we have an idiot who was protesting the Gun ban in parks. To be fair, his argument was that he had a concealed weapons permit, and he felt his rights were violated. Why he's an idiot? He hung around a park with his 'concealed' weapon hanging out (there's a joke in there somewhere) until he gets noticed enough to get press. It was all about 'him' as they say. Dumbass.

I have a friend who is also from Canada who is one of the few women I know not afraid of the word feminist, who is blown away on how Americans love their guns, says we have a gun culture that's part of the culture of violence. Talking to her, I find like so many things, I've taken for granted that guns and the violence that comes with them as the norm, not acknowledging that it's a 'norm' of patriarchy, as so many destructive things are--as though there wasn't another way.

***For any lurkers, YES guns and guns control and violence are a 'Feminist' issue**

Everything is

The name might be Kiwi2010 if it were from NZ and joined next year. But its initial is P and it joined this year. Do a little searchie in the forum in question. ;)

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her. If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her. If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her. If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her. If a woman is jogging in a park at 5AM, don't rape her. If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her. If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her. If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her. If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her. If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her. If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her. If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her. If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.

If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her. If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend. If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police. If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape. Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x, y, or z. Don't imply that it's in any way her fault. Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl. Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can too help yourself. Rape is not about sex, it's about control and power, and what kind of power comes from taking advantage of others? No power anyone should ever desire.

If you agree, repost it. It's important.

to take that one out for a walk in the dark dank place. ;)

...that anyone would have to say this (don't assault a disabled woman). But sadly all that I've read on the issue (assaults against disabled women and children) shows me it's necessary. :( (sigh)

Movies by Quentin Tarantino, the protagonist, ie "the bride" wakes from a coma. She hears noise and lays back down, pretending to be back in a coma. We are then treated to a disgusting little scene where orderly "Buck" (my name is Buck, and I'm here to fuck") in his moonlighting job as a pimp for the completely vulnerable and helpless, is bringing in a 'customer'. He says, "The price is $75 bucks a fuck my friend, are you gonna get your freak on or what"?

Buck proceeds to give what are apparently by rote instructions, such as "no hitting" "no leaving marks of any kind" "her plumbing don't work down there anymore so feel free to come in her as much as you like" provides a nasty container of Vaseline for lubricant tells the guy he's got 20 minutes and to have a good time.

Why I bring this scene up, is that while Tarantino's movies always have a kind of neo noir comic book aspect, and the ever present graphic violence in his movies can be somehow both bleak and malignantly bloated, he actually went there, went to this particular place of violent sexual assault, used it in a story line. What was funny about that scene, hilarious actually, wasn't the usual misogynistic bullshit---'how funny is that, fucking a cripple har har har' brand of over the top humor, (by those who think they are oh, so cynical and worldly, and are always part of the "lighten up crowd" if you dare point out that fucking a woman in a coma isn't fucking funny) but what happened to the customer and the pimp.

"The Bride" (Uma Thurman, who plays a character that happens to be one of the foremost assassins in the world) kills the customer, then beats the fuck out of Buck and kills him by slamming his head in the door repeatedly. You see his leg start spasming and recognize the damage she's done to his brain. It's a great movie moment.

Oh and then she steals his vehicle; named 'The Pussy Wagon' painted prominently and brightly on the tailgate.

On a side note, the vehicle, as gaudy as it is, is in very good shape, red leather seats and whatnot, and if you allow yourself to think HOW an orderly could afford such a vehicle, you start thinking pimping coma victims is good money.

Realistic? Of course not, right? In Tarantino's world everything is exaggeration yes, but he does treat certain behaviors as a social mirror.

...of the film, I did NOT expect to like it (at all). Saw it in a theater toward the end of it's run, and LOVED it! Went back and saw it again (twice). Dh bought me the film when released on dvd. The aftermath of the scene you described, is one of my absolute guilty pleasures. ;) :spray:

Not sure if it's true, but I read that Quentin has the actual 'Pussy Wagon' parked in the driveway of his home, or at least did at one time. Pimping coma victims is probably a good chunk of change for the sleazey pos that go there. But movies about coma pimps getting their asses obliterated....$$$$$$ (way better money). ;)

One of the exchanges I like in the movie is when she's talking to Bill's "surrogate" father, le pimp, when he says "I heard you were driving a truck" she replies "My Pussy Wagon died"

Of course then he says "The pussy died, eh?"

I have the movies on DVD as well, there's so many great little scenes and lines, but I agree, seeing that pimp piece of rotting shit get his comeuppance is a major highlight.

excellent movie, lol

:loveya: :thumbsup: :hi:

May I add some points specifically for the cyber age?

--If you encounter women on-line that make it clear they aren't interested in communicating with you, stop and go away.
Don't insist that they talk with you.
Don't continue talking AT them.
Don't minimize their concerns about talking to you.
Don't tell them all the reasons they're wrong about you.
Don't force your time and attention on the women, by continuing the discussion, starting new discussions, etc.

Whether you agree or not, doesn't matter. Just respect their right to NOT want to, (talk with you) and move on. If you insist (by forcing yourself onto women, and in to their discussions) you're akin to a communicative rapist.

--Lurking in an environment where anyone has made it clear that you are not welcome, is akin to real world stalking. So...
Don't lurk (hang out quietly, observing)....waiting for an opportunity to "share."
Don't watch their conversations quietly, waiting for an opportunity to join in.
Don't wait for a time they may, "change their minds" (or cool off, or forget that they're angry, etc.)
Just accept the reality of the situation (they don't want to talk w/you). Go find someone that wants to talk with you.

Stop insisting that women tolerate you, your company, your opinions, your ideas, etc. There are plenty of people in the world that will be interested in what you have to say--go find one of them, and stop harassing the women who've made it clear they aren't interested. (yes, I said harassment--it's another form of insisting people deal with you when they aren't interested).



------------------------
As far as I'm concerned, the internet has merely made it easier for men to be disrespectful of women's rights and boundaries.
On-line anonymity allows trollish--stalker--predator types to utilize behaviors most would easily recognize in the real world as inappropriate. But on-line the same behavior isn't as immediately recognized. Sometimes it's harder for people to gauge the reality of one's motives, but it's certainly not impossible.