Pulse check

How's everybody doing? Obviously it's been a rough week or two and I think about the real human beings that sit at the desk or the table on the other side of the computer screen. I just wanted to see how everybody is holding up under the barrage.

How's it going in real life for you? Are you battling demons you thought vanquished because of these threads? Do you have a support system to help when it gets too much?

All to often we deal in anonymity but I try to remain aware that there are real people with real wounds dealing with people who would seek to continue to do them harm and I can't let go of it just because I've walked away from the computer. So many good people have left this community, I don't want to lose any more.

:grouphug:

survived a sexual assault or anything like that, I'm sure I'm not dealing with the same kinds of anger and pain that the survivors of this board may be at this time.

For the record, I am feeling much better about my own life generally, despite the continuing battle with misogyny we clearly still need to fight on this planet. Yay, feminism.

in your "real" life. I know there have been tough times there.

My own personal life peaked a couple of months ago when I got a job with a company that was voted among the top 100 companies to work for by Working Mother magazine 5 years in a row. Not that I'm working mother (you all are probably aware of my stance on children in my life) but working for a company that *really* makes an effort to value women's contributions to the work place, *truly* values diversity and is *really freakin' serious* about discrimination and sexual harrassment has lifted my spirits immensely.

Thanks for checking in. :hug:

I was starting to think they were a thing of the past.

firsthand. But even so, I can't stand to read some of those threads. It makes me realize just how bad the problem is. Fortunately, I've been very busy this week and haven't had much time to get online and piss myself off. ;)

It was just too upsetting to read those people's posts defending rape and believing rape myths. Not to mention the ones who attacked me and my story. I'm doing better now that I am staying in here.

My RL is going great, doing a lot of photography (check out my posts in the photography group) and work is going OK. Enjoying the nice weather, too. And trying to decide if I'm ready to date again. It's a scary step!

Take it slow and do whatever you are comfortable with. Dating doesn't mean you have to be ready to "marry" again, it just means you're looking for some company. Good luck and if you ever feel uncomfortable with the situation, trust your intuition and get out.

I'll check into the photo group tomorrow when I have more time.

As for the idiots who attack you, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'd say "ignore" is your friend, but if you're like me, you just couldn't not check what they were saying. Sometimes it is best just to walk away. :hug:

I just need a break. So I've been dealing with household stuff - taxes, cleaning, replacing furniture we either wore out or never had, putting in the garden, dealing with other landscaping issues....

And editing. A lot. I'm getting through 20 pages a morning before I start the other stuff, and being very, very productive. Nothing new yet, but I know I have to get through the stuff I've got written and get it camera ready before I can write anything new.

But DU is not a place I'm really happy with, save here, C&B, and DIY.

When DU really gets to me, I hang out here or in the Pets forum. I'd like to say how can pets be a contentious spot, but I'd actually be wrong. :( Still, most of the posts there are about how much more humane animals are than people at times.

I find getting away altogether an absolute necessity at times. Gardening is my elixir. :)

Edited to add: :hug:

I figure I've got enough on my plate that I shouldn't have to deal with ignorant assholes. ;) While I was molested when I was very young (5 or 6), I don't have really horrible, raw scars from it. Well, at least I don't think I do...

My thoughts to all of those who do still feel the effects of rape or molestation. It could not have been an easy week. :hug:

As a side note, could I impose on all of you for some positive thoughts? I had an endoscopy yesterday and the doctor ended up taking a biopsy. It seems that I have a condition (Bartlett's esophagus) which can sometimes be cancerous or pre-cancerous. I swear I feel as if I'm on some sort of roller coaster. Last week I had a mammogram call back which scared the crap out of me. I could do without the stress, you know?

I can offer a little encouragement--I also had a call back (first time ever) and learned after I went that the clinic does TONS of these. They have a policy that if there is even the TINIEST change since your last mammogram, they call you back in. (I went back in and all tests showed there was nothing to worry about--everything benign). I also learned that HRT produces a lot of changes that prompt these call backs. So the probability of your having a serious problem is very low.

At the least they should put this policy on the cards they send you for the call back so that you'll worry less.

The positive side of me says this is a good policy to follow since the tiniest speck could turn out to be a problem and we should not take chances. The more cynical side of me says that this is a nice moneymaker for the clinics--to charge many women for 2 mammograms plus ultrasound--and a CYA strategy for lawsuits.

It can be quite discombobulating to get a call back. Mine was many years ago for a questionable pap smear. Mine resulted in nothing more than having to have a cryosurgical procedure. It was all "quick and easy."

I wish for you a quick and easy procedure and a physician who is a goofy as mine was. Goofy in a good way. For example: me on the table after having "assumed the position" with him sitting in his position just sitting there holding the cryo probe. I looked down at him and said "for this I'm paying you $95 bucks?!" to which he replies, "but of course, if I let this probe slip it might accidently hit your bladder and you'll be peeing icicles for a week!"

Okay, that was my attempt to hopefully, get you to giggle a bit. I believe in the power of humor to heal.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and energy.



:hug:

It is an emotional roller coaster when you get sucked into the medical system. It's a different world where you have little control. I hope it comes back negative and take lots of long walks and baths to help with the stress. :hug:

Scary stuff. Take some deep breaths and keep yourself in a positive place.

Let us know what you hear. Until then, you will be in my thoughts.

Edited to add: :hug:

Medical problems can be very stressful to deal with. I hope it all goes well, & turns out to be nothing serious.

The welcome here cheered me up quite a bit.

Any of you who read the Disability board may know I'm one of the chronic pain people. Stress makes the pain worse. It's been a very painful week dealing with GD.

I'm saving up my strength to mayby jump back in later. Once the case in Atlanta goes to trial we all know it's going to get worse in GD.

I have chronic pain too. Maybe I will have to check out the Disability group.

It would be good to have more people with more to discuss.

I hadn't visited the Disability board in a while and I'm sorry to hear about your pain. Fully aware, however, of how stress complicates it. I know everyone here appreciates it when men take on the mindset of other men, but be gentle with yourself. You've done a lot and it has been noticed. Thank you. Now take some time for yourself. I hope your pain subsides.

:hug:

Thank you. :hug:

I'm pretty shocked at some of the posts and the number who support them or don't call them on it. I also have daughters and I worry that misogeny has gotten worse since I was a teen. I don't know why but maybe my generation missed some important battles that needed to be fought earlier.

I try to not let DU interfere in my personal life. I'm beginning work on a project that I think could make a significant difference in improving the environment. I'm also working on a campaign for a strong environmentatalist and a man I trust. So, I'm hopeful for once.

Great job on the new project.

I agree about our generation maybe missing some battles that should have been fought. I think we thought we were on a roll but this "backlash" is incredible. I never saw it coming.

Tell us about your project (in celebration of Earth Day :) )

I'm ok but I'm dealing with some demons that have come up from it. No big. I have a wonderful husband who knows all I have been through. We talk about it sometimes and sometimes we just "be" together in silent understanding. I worry about those who don't have that kind of support and was hoping that even if they didn't check in, they'd understand the "silent" support we can all offer each other here. Thanks for checking in. Hope things are ok with you. :hug:

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm so lucky to have a good feminist husband, sometimes I forget that even in a place that should be safe like DU the neandertals still lurk, still hurt, still abuse.

Thanks so much for this thread. I know I needed it.

"still abuse." Ain't that the truth. And, like most abusers, they don't even believe they're doing it.

Glad you found some respite here. :hug:

I've been really busy for the past 2-3 wks, and I haven't been on DU much, but when I did check in and started seeing some of those threads I was appalled, disgusted...you name it. I started reading through one Thurs. or Fri. and had to quit reading it.

Today I did visibility for a candidate who is running for the county commission. I'll be at an early voting precinct for her on Mon. and Tues. and another candidate has me for Wed., Thurs. and Fri.! I've got to remove the sorta smartassed bumperstickers from my car and get on some local ones so I guess keeping busy is a good thing!

You're doing impressive stuff, tnlefty. Sometimes the stuff I read here is my motivation for getting out to work in the real world on these issues. Sounds like you're already doing that. Thank you for "walking the walk". :hug:

and within my precinct - being out and in sight for local candidates is required!! I enjoy it though.

One of my goals for the next 6 months is to get a core group of women within the district together on a regular basis (at least once a month) to discuss issues and to field and groom candidates for the offices of school board and county commission, well in advance to a vacancy of the seat or office! Democratic women first and if no one is willing to run then on to progressive men. This is one area in which the repubs in my area have an advantage! Even if they field a candidate within 2-6 months of an opening for an office there is money available to fund the candidate, etc. I'm going to put a committee together that can find candidates, groom them and raise money for them 2 yrs. in advance - or that's my goal anyway!

I've found a lot of the Duke threads here to be sexist, insulting & depressing. It's very frustrating because you don't know whether to participate & take the knocks, or hide the threads & let the jerks take over. Some of the responses have literally made me want to cry, & I've considered the value of coming to a place that will make me feel so negative about things. I wanted to thank you for your kind post - it's nice that there's forums like this one to offer a respite from the craziness out there. :grouphug:

After being 'piled on' by two of the lacrosse team's supporters in GD, I've sworn off any threads dealing with the rape scandal. I guess they got their way: they've intimidated me into not posting anymore on that subject. :-(

I was feeling really low last week (to the point where my husband asked if I was still taking my antidepressants), and I'm sure the misogyny around here had something to do with it. I felt a little better by taking action: Sending part of my tax check to Planned Parenthood, buying a snarking t-shirt ridiculing South Dakota for its recent actions, and ordering some great jewelry made out of expired birth control pills to benefit a Planned Parenthood branch in another state where reproductive rights are on the line.

better. The "broom" threads today made my skin crawl.

It really does seem to be getting worse, and not just here. I watched Bill Maher last week, and he made an offhand comment about how women may allege rape for the purpose of revenge, and how that may be more likely in the Duke case because she's black, and "you don't diss a black woman." Nobody called him on it. :mad: