My Grandson

This is an email I recieved from my daughter and my response;

Well, I officially despise California schools! I got a call from *****'s teacher today. And you can always tell its not good when they say " First off, I think ***** is a great kid but..." Yeah, it was one of those calls. Anyway, turns out ****** likes this girl at school (has liked in fact). He's been chasing her around trying to kiss her and stuff like that. Well, after being told to leave her alone (she finally told on him) what does he do? He grabs her butt! Now he did not act alone (of course) there is a obvious future postal worker ***** pals with at school who started the whole mess. It was a series of incidents that transpired before I was notified. By then he was nearly suspended from school! WTF? He's grounded and we had a long talk about good touch and bad touch. I tried to probe him to see if he had "sex" questions but he shut down at that point. I know what he's exposed to at home what are parents exposing their kids to? I don't think ****** would have gone so far had he not been influenced. In Hawaii almost all his classmates were cute little girls and he never had ANYTHING like this happen. I don't know. I love you.

****


My feminist self will tell you that it's partly the patriarchy. (I know you saw much worse in Afghanistan, but it's alive and well in the US as well) that children are being sexualized early, with pre-programmed roles. (male aggressor, objectified female) When you look around, music videos, movies, all the media that children are exposed to, they act on what they see.
Another part of feminism for me is that young women/girls being are being groomed to be sexually available 24/7 to males in the name of sexual freedom and choice. It's total bullshit. You don't need a feminist lecture, but I will tell you as I get older, I see clearer damage the imbalance of male/female sexual power structure has done, and am becoming more and more "radical"

I don't blame or bash men per se. We're all a part of this. But one of the things I would suggest regarding ******, is discussing- on his level- the roles of girls and boys. He has a lot of powerful female (you primarily) as well as male influences in his life, so the potential for true balance is there. It doesn't have to be a sex talk at all. Let him know the girls are strong and capable and more than body parts (tits, ass, thighs) And that sometimes girls don't behave very well.

What used to be innocent has been destroyed in many areas. If there is a "gang" of boys chasing little girls, (in my day, we had to wear skirts and the boys would pull them up--it was seen as a sign that the boy "liked" the girl--, and a little girl was NOT being chased, she felt left out. In retrospect those little assholes should have been told to keep their hands to themselves, but that wasn't the times.) It's male aggressive and ***** needs to get the message that it's disrespectful to young girls/women, and even more important, disrespectful to himself as a young boy/man. ***** is a natural leader. He is busy fitting in, and I agree, those little Orange county future wife-beaters are a bad influence. If he leads them, it needs to be on his own terms, not theirs, and I'm betting you point him in the right direction

It sounds like you're handling it just right. He's too young for much more than "good touch, bad touch" stuff. But the programming starts very early. As he grows a little older, see if you can get him to see through the lies of the media (who only want to sell shit, really) and see girls as human beings first.

I love you. Momma
PS. Cali laws have sucked for years. I'm sorry you're going through all this shit.

She's defending her son, (he's 7) And I apoligize for the "postal workers and wife beater and Cali laws suck" references,(she has other issues with California laws unrelated to this) we tend to be pretty casual when we talk to each other. But I hate seeing this. If my Grandson is grabbing a little girls butt, he needs to understand it's him that's doing it, not other little boys not matter what the influence. I tried to be supportive in my response, and will talk to her soon on the phone, but what do you guys think? This is the daughter who spent nearly 9 years in the military. Any advice would be welcome.

If he's new to the area this just could be that he's vulunerable to manipulation right now because he's trying to make new friends. He needs to prove himself as the new kid. He needs to go along to fit in. If that's the case then he just needs some extra attention and a good talking to.

Once your grandson understands about boundaries and what's okay and what isn't I'm sure he'll be fine.

If the schools had their way kids would go through 12 years of school without ever coming in contact with each other. Now that kids aren't allow to hug each other, or wrestle, or ever touch each other in any way the only way they come in contact is as the result of dares and acting out. I think that is a background part of this problem.

My daughter just left the military. She has a strong personality, and I think he'll be ok. It was the butt grabbing stuff that got to me. Where the hell did he learn that?


Plus, I want to influence him in my way to respect women as equals, and you can't start too early. I don't want to hammer feminism,(yet) but I want him to be very aware the traps men and women can fall into because of percieved gender roles. He's just a little guy.

And Hi, BTW, it's good to see you!:hi:

:hi:
Thank you. It's good to be back. I sometimes wonder, when I'm gone, if people notice that I periodically disappear for a while.
:)

try to nip these unhealthy behaviors in the bud, without sugar-coating your assessment of the situation or pollyanna-ing the seriousness of sexist messages funnelled into the minds of kids by our misogynist culture. I think it was also good for her to be reminded that she isn't helpless in this situation and can instill in her son a non-sexist attitude of love and maturity in the future if she chooses to try to help him embrace that. Great work, Grandma. :-)