High pressure friendships and women over 40...?

The High-Pressure Friend
By Danielle Crittenden

The biggest surprise for me on turning 40 is how much it feels like being in junior high again. Suddenly, the women in my world are spending hours in front of the bathroom mirror, fiddling with their hair and micro-examining their complexions. They fret over their bodies in ways not seen since eighth grade. And even highly intellectual friends, who used to think nothing of showing up at conferences in drip-dry suits, have begun to give to fashion magazines the same scrutiny they give research papers. At parties or even at the playground, I'm aware of the x-ray stares checking out my outfit, my shoes, my hair, followed by the silent registration of approval -- or disapproval. Women always do this to each other, of course, but at 40 you're aware of heightened inspection: "Hmm, she's looking older. Is her hair lighter? She looks very 'rested' -- maybe she got her eyes done?"




http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Friendship/ArticleLHJ.aspx?cp-documentid=21770>1=8368&lc=1033

:eyes: Personally, I think this woman and her article are full of shit. I'm a firm believer in you getting back what you put out there. If you scrutinize others based on superficial things, you'll get the same back. Personally, I don't encourage friendships with women like those described in this article, I didn't like those type of girls in jr. high, high school or college and still don't...but different strokes I suppose.

I just don't care for the way the article tries to make one feel that this is what's awaiting women when they reach 40. Excuse me, but this is what's waiting for you if you make friends with assholes. Merely my opinion of course. ;)

I'd be interested in hearing what others here have to say about this. Do you have high pressure friendships such as this article describes? Is this a valid issue or some other way to pit women against each other in the media?

:hi:

and although I am 40+ I do not have any of the concerns she noted. I think SHE has a major self-esteem issue by the sounds of it.

some other planet, probably Planet Self-Absorbed.

:rofl:

...and perhaps the realm of those that feel the need to compete with one another. :eyes: Who has the energy?

She's an idiot. Over a decade ago, she wrote a vapid book (big surprise, eh? :eyes: ) extolling the virtues of youthful marriage and admonishing women who put it off by telling them, you guessed it, that they would be rejected in favor of the young nubiles by their male peers. I remember her blathering about it on Oprah and being nailed for her ignorance by some savvy audience members. Basically, she your typical Ivy League educated, wealthy Manhattanite who thinks she knows what's best for every woman despite her utter lack of familiarity with how 98% of the country really lives. I saw that on the MSN homepage this morning and had to wonder what their website editors were thinking by publishing that garbage. Is this what constitutes news to them?

...on a frequent basis?! Good grief! I thought when I saw that tripe it was an isolated incident. Anyone can have an article published on-line at least once. The idea that she's written other similar garbage, and even been on Oprah. :eyes:

She sounds completely out of her mind, to say the least. Thanks for letting me know. I'll make it a point to ignore anything attached to her name in the future.

MSN and AOL put so much crap on their homepages. Thankfully we got away from AOL--now I just have to find something to replace msn....

Alert; I'm about to define a woman by her relationship with a man. ;)

Danielle is the spouse of David Frum!

Yes, David "Axis of Evil" Frum, Canada's own contribution to neoconism.

And it was Danielle's fond boasting emails about hubby David's wit that were apparently a major factor in David no longer being employed in the service of George.

http://www.slate.com/id/2061695/

Posted Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2002, at 6:49 PM ET

One of the occupational frustrations for established writers who become speechwriters is the absence of a byline. Apparently it's a frustration for their wives, too. Today Chatterbox was forwarded an e-mail apparently sent to family and friends by Danielle Crittenden, wife to White House speechwriter David Frum. Like her husband, Crittenden is a reasonably well-known Washington writer. Here's the e-mail:

Dear all,

I realize this is very "Washington" of me to mention but my husband is responsible for the "Axis of Evil" segment of Tuesday's State of the Union address. It's not often a phrase one writes gains national notice—unless you're in advertising of course ("The Pause that refreshes")—so I'll hope you'll indulge my wifely pride in seeing this one repeated in headlines everywhere!!

D

More gossip here:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/archive/index.php/t-43046.html

Crittenden herself seems to have aspirations to being this generation's Barbara Amiel -- currently wife of Lord Tubby of Fleet ... you'll know them as Conrad Black, Lord Black of Crossharbour, and his wife Lady Black, a persistent columnist in his publications. (Damn, I can't find the pic of the two of them dressed up as Cardinal Richelieu and Marie Antoinette ... but I digress.)

http://www.playindex.com/Currentbio/cover_bios/cover_bio_7_03.htm

The daughter of Maxwell John Crittenden and Yvonne Ann (Wilson) Crittenden, Danielle Crittenden was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, on April 20, 1963. Following her parents' divorce, her mother married Peter Worthington, a co-founder of and columnist for the Toronto Sun.<*> Her mother writes book reviews for that newspaper, under the byline Yvonne Crittenden.

Danielle Crittenden began her career in journalism as a teenager, with a column in the Toronto Sun. After she graduated from high school, she traveled in Africa and China as a freelance writer rather than attend college. In 1994 she founded the Women's Quarterly, published by the Independent Women's Forum;<**> the group's mission, according to its Web site, is "to advance the American spirit of enterprise and self-reliance and to support the principles of political freedom, economic liberty, and personal responsibility among women." She also continued to write for other periodicals.

Hmm; apparently she didn't go to any university at all. Seems to be kinda the Tori Spelling of journalism. (Ditto David; his mother was Barbara Frum, kinda the Barbara Walters of Canadian journalism, who I always thought was a hack.) With a dose of the right-wing Canadian adoration of all things Amurikan.


Add the voices of everyone I know to the chorus of "pay her no heed"!

_________________________


* Worthington is a right-wing asshole and the Toronto Sun is a low-brow right-wing rag -- oh, and the other glowing review referred to in this article comes from Alberta Report, a piece of filth published by a good friend of David Reardon, the inventor of "post-abortion stress syndrome.

http://www.danielkukwa.com/2004/04/27-silly_old_.shtml

John Doyle's TV column in The Globe and Mail is a joy to read, because it's full of his caustic, sarcastic, sharp Irish wit. Recently, it's been used to good effect, as he's been campaigning to get FOX News onto Canadian cable. According to him, we should all watch and laugh at the best comedy on television.

Then, along comes Peter Worthington of The Toronto Sun, Canada's answer to a right-wing elder statesmen. On Monday, he slagged off Doyle for his juvenile writing, and thinks we need FOX news to challenge prevailing orthodoxy & think differently. He also says to trust him about FOX news not being pathologically conservative or right wing.

Poor Danielle, maybe she just never had a chance.

** http://www.pfaw.org/pfaw/general/default.aspx?oid=11625

IWF (Independent Women's Forum) is an anti-feminist women’s organization founded to counter the influence of the National Organization for Women (NOW) and “radical feminists” on society.

Danielle Crittenden HATES US FOR OUR FREEDOMS!!!

Maybe in a world I don't live in. I work with a lot of younger women, while pretty and vain like many of us at ANY age--They act better than that. They get their hair, and their brows and their nails and their toenails done. Shopping is important. Weight is important. The single ones joke about their dates and what makes a crappy one. (I work in a hospital and doctors in residency top THAT list) I find them generally supportive of each other in these little discussions, and there is always the "oh she's so pretty" one that doesn't get knocked for it, but validated.

Now what I personally think of all this primping depends on how enlightened they are as women, and whether they choose to make it my business. I do a lot of drive-by feminists "lectures" every chance I get.

Women my age, Well maybe it's my profession-- nursing and I just haven't seen this. I have a friend who is quite well off, and she likes expensive name brand crap, spa's, all that (I recently enjoyed myself with her and my daughter by making a big show of not knowing who Prada is. I do stuff like that sometimes--easily amused I guess.) She is a beautiful, intelligent wonderful women who I can talk to and enjoy her company even if we come from different sides of the tracks.

I think the article is ridiculous, plain wrong and belittles women in general. She sounds like a horrid gossip. The behavior she is describing, (sounds like a television character when I think about it) can be found at any age, or any gender really- and it's not attractive or nice. Ever.

However, I saw similar behavior from other women when I was in my 30s and going cheerfully to pot. Women who had been stone hippies, back to the earther, let it all hang out types were suddenly clustered around the collagen face creams at the health food store. Aging had become the enemy and the natural process by which our bodies change over time had to be something to overcome at all costs. In this case, it was about fifteen bucks a jar, a huge dent in their food budgets.

There seem to be two major sins a woman can commit, enjoying food and having birthdays.

However, I think the critique the writer of this article feels is 100% internal. I sincerely doubt anyone she knows is obsessed with anything but their own daily losses to age and gravity.

And yes, she definitely needs to make some new friends. She's entirely too wrapped up in this stuff.

..sadly--not to contradict you, Warpy. I was pretty taken aback when I encountered them, but knew immediately that I didn't care to develop a friendship with them.

My husband grew up in a small, suburban community. Very tight knit, religious (Catholic). His family socialized with a very large, Catholic family. All but one member of the family grew up and stayed pretty close to that community. They don't socialize with many outside of their family circle. They haven't developed much outside of their family of origin. (Just to give a bit of background).

Anyway, some of the women I met that married into this family, were rather vicious and judgemental as described. They had little knowledge or concern about what else was going on in the world (politics, women's issues, current events, etc.). They know what is expected of them--they vote the way their husband's vote, and believe what he believes. :eyes:

I had the misfortune of spending an entire evening with them once. :scared: They spent the entire time talking about their in-laws, their latest diet efforts, how useless their husbands were, comparing their children to other's children, discussing how big other's houses were and how clean (or dirty) said people kept their homes.:crazy:

I got the sense that this is what they've seen in others and they were mirroring this behaviour. I say that because little of what they did was based on a sense of individuality. These were women that did "what everyone else did." One got angry with her husband for not getting the Christmas lights EVERYONE else was getting one year--her house could NOT look different. Total conformists.

I also got the strong sense that it was rooted in insecurity and lacking a sense of self. Patterning others behaviours is easier for them than taking the risk of considering, or developing themselves in any way. The times when they were really struggling with direction, who they were, etc--they got pregnant. :shrug:

I still think the author's stance (from my original post) is full of shit. Not all women have such insanity in personal relationships waiting for them when they reach 40. Because we all aren't shallow, vapid, vain and competing with our peers.

I have no friendships like that and I would never have them. I'm friends with women who are concerned about life. We talk about life and not about how we look. Of course, we sometimes talk about looks but I would never have a friend who focused on that. I'm 48 and most of my friends are a few years older.

All my friends are too tired from working and trying to keep the family happy to worry too much about their hair and makeup. If our shoes match, we're having a good day.

...a dear friend of mine who is so caught up in how she looks (aged 42) that she has a designated treat day (day of junk food) to fuck scrutiny, because if someone is going to judge her by her cover (she is actually quite gorgeous as it is) then they aren't worth the spit in their mouth. And I for one certainly wouldn't be calling them a friend or even an acquaintance.

in this exact age bracket. I typically can't stand them though. If any of my friends turn out like that in 15 years, we'll have some issues.

:sarcasm:

Why in the world would anyone want "friends" like hers? A few who have other redeeming qualities, maybe, but, dear Danielle, why would surround yourself with them unless you were exactly the same way--in which case, why are you complaining about it rather than stopping it?

Geez, bliss, you are right, she's full of it.

has me sitting her lmao!!!

:rofl:

I don't know anyone like that. Everyone I know is too busy trying to figure out how to keep their jobs, pay their mortgages, and maybe sometimes go out to dinner. Everyone I know is so damned tired it's all we can do to wash the dishes and the laundry, let alone fuss about how we (let alone other people!) look.