A few words about "being a good fit"

(You might not want to read this if you're very frustrated in your job search.)

Perhaps I shouldn't take it personally, but I do and I have been. I know, it's intended to be a positive spin on a rejection and/or lawsuit protection, but when somebody tells me "you're not a good fit," I hear, "Your personality is wrong, your character is wrong, the way you've lived your whole life is wrong."

The result is, I unproductively stand there, analyzing my life, wondering what decisions I made and didn't make that made me this wrong fit. Even those 10-20 years ago: for example, I've never played team sports in my life. Look at all these studies saying how many women CEOs had athletic experience. Even though high school was that long ago, I wonder if I could, indeed, be judged less likeable and less of a team player because I didn't have that particular experience at that point in time. Especially since more of the X/Millennial generations have played team sports than any other generation in American history.

When it comes to subjective assessments of personality, literally anything could go, which is what makes this issue so scary and corrosive for me. The feeling of having my entire life's work, my education, my drive to learn, my openness to new experiences thrown under the bus because of a 10-second gut feeling... it's a real hope killer. Yes, it's life. But it's a hope killer. And the one thing you cannot lose in a career search is hope.

intermittently for nearly 20 years. I used to think it was a reflection on me. And it hurt.

I've come to understand it is a reflection of the company and the person making the hiring decision. I do not see it as a subjective assessment of my personality. It doesn't really have anything to do with me or with my skills or my work ethic. The failure is not mine. Perhaps someone is biased against me because of my age or gender or race or nationality. Perhaps someone is threatened by my education or experience - or lack thereof. Perhaps someone does not find me physically attractive enough to fill a position dealing with the public - or maybe they think I'm too attractive to get my hands dirty. Or they do not care for my style or quality of clothing. Perhaps they infer values, faith, lifestyle or socioeconomic status and use that to judge me. Perhaps they are so rigid that they will not consider hiring a candidate who has not foowed a traditional career path. Perhaps they are enforcing their own priorities as to what course of action and career choices are appropriate for me. Perhaps they simply have another alternative hire they prefer because they come recommended or maybe they have some connection to them through others they know. Those are all biases that have absolutely nothing to do with my ability to perform the job duties competently.

And then there are times when decision makers use that line rather than specify specific reasons for not hiring. After all, it is an easy out and nobody really know exactly WTF it means. It's a cop out.

However, I do think in many respects that we never leave high school. There are always cliques. Everybody seems to need somebody to look down on as they say. In a lot of ways everybody is either a popular kid or a cheerleader or a jock or a pretty kid or a brain. Or maybe they are greasers or dopers or "from the other side of the tracks" or "from the 'hood" or wallflowers or just plain old trouble. Adults kid themselves to think they have outgrown such childishness.

Of course, the good news is that nobody really needs to have a job. You do not have to play their game and make yourself subject to such disrespect. What you do need to do is to earn a sufficient income. And there are lots of ways to do that if you are willing to work hard, invest a lot of time and effort and assume some risk to be independent. Some folks choose this. Some folks are forced into this. It can be more lucrative than traditional employment and can offer a better quality of life.

Personally, I burned my resume a few years back. I found my passion and am working to make a livelihood of it. I am saving my pennies and hope that livelihood will enable me to expatriate myself to start a small business abroad. Expatriating oneself it is often much easier with the experience, skills and resources to provide your own income when you enter the country.

only four months at a job; I had no clue it was coming. Some of y'all know my story. I left a job I'd been a for seven years with 'promises' of a growth opportunity. I got positive feedback from the company president, had my work displayed in the hallways (I was in a marketing position), etc. Then one day, I had the rug ripped out from under me.

I think there were a lot of screwed up things going on at the place. Fortunately, I was able to at least get severance and unemployment (and a letter of recommendation...they fucked me over, but I was going to at least get something for my portfolio, damnit!). Apparently, this place has a history of screwing people over (found this out from the employment commission as well as from a former employer), and I frankly think I was set up...it's a long story.

It was a tough road and thank G-d, I found a job after looking and interviewing my ass off for five long months. I had to take a bit of a pay cut, but I'm in a different industry (renewable energy), which is interesting.


Good luck to you! :)