A Lesson in Defending Yourself - For Personal and Political Purpose

I work in corporate america.

I have worked many places, however my current job is okay. It is not the best, but I have a great boss, a good coworker and I basically know my job and am respected by my colleagues.

About 4 years ago our office got a new arrival from one of our other company's branches. The fellow was acerbic, rude and dresses like a skinhead (our office dress is casual but is normally more business than casual).
This fellow bullied everyone in the office and all the people in the office were so polite and so taken aback that their manners almost completely paralyzed them. He got ruder and in fact one fellow even left the company because of him and the fact that his behavior went unchecked. In an office with limited office space and where most of us share an office...he got his own office because he was such a bully and a jerk that no one wanted to work with him or be near him.

And then...he decides to start picking on me.

I was in the kitchen heating up my meal and he came to bully me about a case I had logged and he got the case. He starts berating me, bad mouthing the client and trying to insinuate that the client and I were mentally retarded....

I let him have it. I told him in a very firm and cold voice. "This is a professional office, perhaps you may speak to people like that at home or your other office, but not here." "I happen to have a degree in XXXX, I am well versed in this technology and it is your job to help me fix this problem" "If you continue to speak to me in an inappropriate tone and in this manner, I will take it up with HR".

I also said a lot more...and in fact people ran out of the kitchen and doors closed because people were fearful (of what I do not know)....

And guess what...the bully backed off. I verbally hit him on the nose, granted I didn't call him names but I gave him a professional ear beating and a warning that I was not going to turn the other cheek...I also spoke to him in a very harsh way that he was taken aback...

Today he moves out of the way when I walk down the hall and he is pleasant to me.....

Meanwhile he continues to treat his own boss like a doormat.

People have to earn respect and they have to demonstrate that they respect others...and when they do not respect you...there is no reason you should go out of your way to respect them. I think in many ways that Karl Rove has been treated with far too much respect because of his supposed "pr powers" ...but he is nothing more than a bully and he deserves a good ole taste of his own medicine.

That's the way to handle any and all bullies. :thumbsup:

that bullies and pricks use the fact that most people are too well mannered to steam roll over others.

Delay, Hastert...all of them got away with far too much because of "good manners" on our side of the aisle.

KR's dead mentally ill mother is not here to defend herself, though.

target for Rove....

He is just the kind of bastard that would have mocked Kerry, Edwards or Gore if it had been their mother...

and then jokes about it.
And *that* ought to be the focus.
Now Larry Johnson has become 'busy work' for GD, and darnit,I've helped. :silly:

on the carpet for what he is, and does, NOT 'mimicing' him is the best and ONLY way to deal with him.
I admire the way the OP addressed this mans behaviour, and called him out, clearly, firmly, AND honorably- not needing to stoop to his childish and (little-ego motivated) bullying.
Not allowing someone to abuse you, doesn't mean you have to be abusive in return. And not allowing someone to continue to be abusive to you- is in reality doing THEM a favor, because it is giving them an opportunity to recognize their problem, and maybe, just maybe, do something about it.

If we use the same tactics and adopt the same attitudes of those we find offensive, and who we oppose, then WE are the losers no matter what the outcome.

Just like responding to 9/11 violence with more violence- what has it gained us? And how long will we be paying the cost of our folly-??

a good policy to "call out" the jerkweeds and point out their behavior to them. It usually stops them cold in their tracks. There is a risk in doing so but not a huge one.

anyway, I would definitely escalate this to HR anyways as this person is creating what could be termed a "hostile work environment" and if the company does nothing they are exposing themselves to significant legal risks.

Or MORE.

I just got action - SERIOUS action - at my kid's school on a bullying problem, even this late in the year, because I wrote everything down in detail, issued it to the school hierarchy, AND cc'ed it to the archdiocese - letting them KNOW I had done so.

BOOM! Problem addressed. In fact, they broke land speed records doing so.

I also experienced this with a family bully. Asshole brother-in-law who picked on my husband once too often. Let's call him george just for reference. He started picking at my guy at a family dinner - WITH all our kids and his own wife present, as well as Grandpa and Grandma. It was a serious crisis in the family past - also involving bullying (of my husband when he was a kid), and it had been very hurtful to him (especially since nobody really stuck up for him when it happened). So george started needling him about it at the table. My husband got upset, asked that it stop - which it didn't, and he finally got up in frustration and left! Fortunately, he had come separately, so I wasn't stuck for a ride home. The rest of us sat there in silence for a few moments, and then george started in the needling, behind my husband's back. I finally said - "why don't we talk about something else?" The needling subsided for about 20 seconds, and then started up again. Nobody else said a word to stop it until I spoke up again, in a somewhat louder, more forceful voice: "WHY don't we talk about SOMETHING ELSE???" And the needling stopped again, for about another 20 seconds. It resumed once more. This time, george's wife (how 'bout let's call her laura) started chiming in a little, while, again, their young children (and ours) were listening and Grandpa and Grandma just sat there stoically, saying nothing and doing less to intervene. So I just lost it. I turned to george, looked him straight in the eye, and roared - "SHUT UP, gEORGE!!!!!"

And you would have LOVED IT! Guess what happened?

That putz brother-in-law of mine suddenly turned into the weenie I always suspected he was because, like any other bully on the playground, he could dish it out like gangbusters but couldn't take it. He got up out of his chair and walked out. Followed by his wife and their kids. Got up from the table and walked out the front door and I NEVER saw any of them again. They NEVER again came to family get-togethers like Christmas and Easter and what-not. They only visited Grandma and Grandpa on occasions when we weren't there. I never saw their weasely faces until a family dinner shortly before Grandpa died. And believe me, george and laura tiptoed around me like they were walking on blown eggs. Scarcely ever even looked me in the eye.

Moral of the story?

NEVER, EVER, let a bully get away with it unconfronted. ALWAYS confront a bully. ALWAYS. And watch 'em shrink straight down into nothing! You'll find it utterly satisfying. They get their power from PERCEPTION, ONLY. Perception of those bullied - that these people are invincible and can't be beaten. Well, they're all cardboard cut-outs, every last one of 'em. Bluster ONLY. Held up by their own hot air, and the "legend" they're trying to create in YOUR mind. Almost embarrassingly easy to knock over and deflate. The only problem is - not enough of the bullied dare try it.

....

he is not only a bully but he doesn't do what he is supposed to be doing.

In fact, he is consistently the "excuse" for why projects do not complete on time and yet he is deemed untouchable.

why he hasn't been fired...I think it is because the folks around him mistake his bullying bravado for some super sized intellect but in reality he is a mediocre employee who spends half his time pissing around.

to speak. If they don't "get it," speak to them in their own language. They'll get it then.

I've come to expect the reaction you got in the kitchen (people leaving and closing the door in fear of a *gasp* confrontation) from people on the west coast but have encountered the opposite reaction in the east.

People have been well trained to be good sheep and keep their heads down and their mouths shut, and above all, be very afraid of any/everything. Can you imagine your grandparents generation putting up with the shenanigans we've seen here in the last 10 - 15 years?

:patriot: :kick:

works very well. No need to be course or vulgar. Maintain the high ground and thrash them soundly with rational thoughts, clearly and calmly spoken.

There is a serious bully/blow-hard in my town who crosses to the other side of the street when he sees me coming. If I come up to where he and others are congregated in a little knot, visiting (where he gets treated deferentially) he ALWAYS speaks to me in polite terms and generally kisses my ass. It astounds others.

It's good standing up to bullies. With most of them, it doesn't take much.

a lot of that kind of bullshit going around. Good for you! :applause:

i can't stand bullies. I do not like to be bullied and I don't like to see others bullied.
I find that those who have something to hide tend to be bigger bullies. Either they don't know how to do their job or they are insecure in their talents/job so ...they create a safety zone (so they think) with their bullying)

Sometimes they just attack face to face and sometimes, when tweaked face to face, they begin a behind your back sneak attack.

If you're lucky, you can create an anti-ambitious-asshole environment which will have the offender move to greener pastures.

AND to personnel. I've found if you bring other eyes into it, there's a lot more explaining that will have to be done for them to try any reprisals against you. Leave a paper trail.

and, after being verbally berated for months, I finally fought back -- professionally and calmly -- much the way you did. Two days later I was called into her office where she had HER boss on speaker phone who threatened me with my job if I didn't get a "better attitude." Go figure.

When assholes like this get in a position of power, there is no backing down on their part. As an employee, you take what they hand out put your head down and try to get through the end of the day/week.

Btw, this is RIGHT AFTER I notified them that I would be having surgery in two weeks. Happy, stress-free recovery!

They shouldn't be mistreating you.

And if they keep supporting her up the chain-of-command, then that will tell you something valuable: that maybe you don't belong in there, where you get no support but only abuse in exchange for doing your job.

I would have walked in a hot flash; however, I'm 51 years old, there are no middle management jobs left (where I've been working for the last 30 years -- this position is a secretarial position -- the ONLY thing I could find), the unemployment rate around here is regularly double digit and my husband's been out of work for a year. I don't mean to sound like I'm whining here but no, there are no options. I tried calling HR but quickly saw that there is no such thing as a neutral party. Life goes on -- for the moment.

in fact his behavior has basically screwed him into a no future career..

What amazes me is how he treats those who do have power in the company, he is flat out rude to them. I don't know if he has pictures or evidence to hold over their heads but it just amazes me as well as others.

You confronted the guy on his BS and told him firmly want you were not going to take.

However, (and I'm not sure if this is what you're referring to), you did not tell him that his mother's suicide was probably his fault. That would have had nothing to do with his work performance, and if you had said that, you would have lost the respect of everyone else in your office, even though they hate him too.

We have to continue to call Rove out and belittle him on his job performance. We have to point out, loudly and clearly, when he is a mean-spirited, lying jerk. And we need to do so in a way that will get people other than those on DU to hear us.