Bush To Sacrifice Own Life For Good Of Nation

CAcyclist

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:29 PM
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Bush To Sacrifice Own Life For Good Of Nation

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31306?issue=4228&special=2002

Bush To Sacrifice Own Life For Good Of Nation

April 17, 2002 | Issue 38•14

WASHINGTON, DC— Displaying the selfless courage that has defined his presidency, President Bush announced Tuesday that he will heroically lay down his life that the rest of the nation may live on. "It is the only way," Bush said. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. I must, therefore, die to preserve future generations." Over the vociferous objections of his closest Cabinet members, Bush brushed aside their outstretched arms, repeating, "It is the only way." Onion symbol

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bdamomma

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:32 PM
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1. does he want to be crucified?????

Edited on Tue Jul-11-06 02:33 PM by alyce douglas

and can you imagine if his sheeple did the same thing, it's a cult you know. just thinking out loud.

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mike_c

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:32 PM
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2. sigh-- for a minute there I had some hope....

:rofl:

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sui generis

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:34 PM
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3. oh goodie. the evolution will hopefully be televised.

Hey, does he need anyone to help clean up afterwards?

We have a whole party ready to do that - it should only take us about, oh, twenty years or so.

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Nimrod2005

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:34 PM
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4. Doesn't Chritianity say Christ did the same? Died for the people's sins?

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bdamomma

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:39 PM
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5. well apparently bush thinks that God is talking to him

Edited on Tue Jul-11-06 02:41 PM by alyce douglas

but that was in 2002 I wonder if he even remembered saying that.

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KansDem

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:42 PM
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6. LOL!! Thanks for the laugh...

My favorite Onion piece:

Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works
April 18, 2001 | Issue 37•14

WASHINGTON, DC–President Bush delighted an intimate gathering of White House dinner guests Monday, regaling the coterie of dignitaries, artists, and friends with a spirited, off-the-cuff discussion of the Roman poet Virgil's lesser-known works.

"Ah, W. was in top form tonight," Spanish foreign minister Josep Pique Camps said. "We were all held captive by his erudition and charm. First, a brief history of the opium trade, then a bit of Brahms on the piano, then a rousing discussion of Virgil. That boy is a wonder, isn't he?"

According to guests, the subject of Virgil arose serendipitously when a servant opened a window in the Red Room, to which the group had retired for after-dinner drinks. Noticing the breeze, Bush raised his glass and delivered a toast to the changing of the seasons. He then apologized to "lovely Winter," explaining that he "meant no slight against her."

"The first blush of Spring always reminds me of Virgil's words," Bush said. "In early spring-tide, when the icy drip / Melts from the mountains hoar, and Zephyr's breath / Unbinds the crumbling clod, even then 'tis time / Press deep your plough behind the groaning ox / And teach the furrow-burnished share to shine."

"Book One of The Georgics, of course," Bush added.

--more--

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28498

I laugh hysterically ever time I read this...:D

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Fierce

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:44 PM
Response to Reply #6

8. My favorite, which still makes me giggle,

Is when the Onion reported that Bush had found an error in calculations while visiting the Fermi lab. Hilarious.

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mark414

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:42 PM
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7. Best. Onion article. Ever

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Minnesota Libra

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Tue Jul-11-06 02:49 PM
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9. I knew it had to be The Onion.............

...:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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bluerum

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Tue Jul-11-06 03:12 PM
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10. Here - let me!

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lonestarnot

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Tue Jul-11-06 03:14 PM
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11. Oh shit! I thought I missed som'n!

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JuniperLea

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Tue Jul-11-06 03:18 PM
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12. We need to hire a claire-audio projection specialist

Who can talk to him, posing as God, and tell him how wonderful it will be when he's dead... I'll bring the cross and the crown of thorns.

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