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My daughter was diagnosed by 4 different physicians (a radiologist, a maternal-fetal specialist, a neurosurgeon, and a geneticist) at 24w gestation with a severe birth defect which would result in either death at birth or shortly thereafter, or -- best(?) case scenario -- life as a vegatable. We were referred to a late-term abortionist in Wichita, KS and told 'nobody will judge you.'
We declined the abortion. We went home. We wept. We prayed. We were terrified. At times, we felt we could trust that God would give us the strength and grace we and our daughter needed, whatever the outcome, but there were times when we asked 'why?' and when we felt totally abandoned... Sometimes you just can't pray anymore, you just can't dare to hope. It was a very long 16 weeks. I remember the sense of longing for her that -- whatever else might be wrong -- she would have such a capacity to feel the love that we had for her. It made me realize that ultimately, the ability to share love with one another is what is truly defines our lives. Her life, however different it might be from ours, would have meaning if she could receive love.
My daughter was born via cesarean, in the hopes that avoiding head trauma during birth would not further damage what brain capacity she might have left. When we heard her take that first breath, that first cry -- even before she was totally out of my womb! -- my husband began to sob with relief. She did have a large mass on her neck, but it was NOT a herniation of the brain, as both a CT scan and MRI proved. Her brain was perfectly normal -- not protruding outside her skull and filled with fluid. What happened to the hole in her skull they visualized during my numberous ultraound scans remains unknown.
And so, the neurosurgeon bid us farewell and the pediatric surgeon entered the scene. His diagnosis: aggressive in-utero cancer requiring immediate removal and biopsy. So, day 2, she was sedated again and underwent a 3 hour surgery to remove the tumor, which was wrapped around her vocal chords, her neck muscles, and everything else in that region. And while we were thankful that her brain was normal and she was recovering well from surgery, now we waited again for the lab reports to come back while my oncologist-husband began researching infant cancer treatments. Thank God, none of that was needed, as the tumor was benign! A totally random, highly unlikely thing. About a 1/30,000 chance of this type of tumor occuring without serious fetal deformities, some of which are incompatible with life.
I know that our case is the exception, and I don't share this in order to say "the doctors could be wrong, so I wouldn't terminate." I understand, I truly understand the anguish of being told that your baby cannot live outside your womb. I don't think it's an easy decision, and there were times when I questioned whether we had done the right thing. I do understand wanting to spare a baby the suffering of death (although I think by the time these types of things are discovered, there is likely suffering in utero during an abortion procedure as well). What worried me the most was that she would not die quickly, but would linger in a vegatative state, in pain, and we would face withdrawal-of-care issues I don't even want to think about.
My daughter is now 6 years old, going into 1st grade. She reads (a little), annoys her older brothers, wants to grow her hair like kindergarten teacher's hair was, and has asked for a kitten for her birthday. She has a scar on her neck from her surgery and a little scar below from the drainage tube. Otherwise, perfect in every way. She looks just like my husband -- although I take some solace in a comment made by a gal at church: "That baby looks just like her daddy... but she gets that twinkle in her eye from her mama."
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If this is simply a cut ans paste job, then I need to let other people on the message board (not DU) know because this person if going for sumpathy. If it's true, then I don't want to say anything.
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