|
"Airport security"
look it up.
this was a routine he developed long before the 9/11/01 attacks:
Here is just a snippet.
I'm getting tired of all this security at the airport. There's too much of it. I'm tired of some fat chick with a double-digit IQ rooting' around inside my bag for no reason and never finding anything.....The whole thing is fucking pointless. And it's completely without logic. There's no logic at all. They'll take away a gun, but let you keep a knife! Well, what the fuck is that? In fact, there's a whole list of lethal objects they will allow you to take on board. Theoretically, you could take a knife, an ice pick, a hatchet, a straight razor, a pair of scissors, a chain saw, six knitting needles, and a broken whiskey bottle, and the only thing they'd say to you is, "That bag has to fit all the way under the seat in front of you.
And if you didn't take a weapon on board, relax. After you've been internal linkflying for about an hour, they're gonna bring you a knife and fork! They actually give you a fucking knife! It's only a table knife--but you could kill a pilot with a table knife.
Anyone can get on an airplane and I'll tell you why. They know they are not a security risk because they have answered the three big questions.
Question #1:
"Did you pack your bags yourself?"
"No, Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to the house last night, fixed me a lovely lobster Newburg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four way 'round the world', and then they packed my bags.
Next question:
"Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?"
"No. Usually the night before I travel---just as the internal linkmoon is rising---I place my bags out on the street corner and leave them there, unattended, for several hours. Just for good luck.
Next question:
"Has any unknown person asked you to take anything on board?"
"Well, what exactly is an 'unknown person'? Surely everyone is known to someone. In fact, just this morning, Kareem and Youssef Ali ben Gabba seemed to know each other quite well. They kept joking about which one of my suitcases was the heaviest.".............
Airport security is a stupid idea, it's a waste of money, and it's there for only one reason: to make white people feel safe! That's all it's for. To provide a feeling, an illusion, of safety in order to placate the middle class. Because the authorities know they can't make airplanes safe; too many people have access. You'll notice the drug smugglers don't seem to have a lot of trouble getting their little packages on board, do they?......
And by the way, an airplane flight shouldn't be completely safe. You need A little danger in your life. Take a fucking chance, will ya? What are you gonna do, play with your prick for another 30 years? What, are you gonna read _PEOPLE_ magazine and eat at Wendy's till the end of internal linktime? Take a fucking chance.....
You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people---Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalist, and just plain guys from Montana---are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time. That's the internal linkreality.
Angry men talkin' to god on a two-way radio and muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually gonna provide us with a great deal of internal linkentertainment. Especially after your stupid fucking economy collapses all around you, the terrorists come out of the woodwork. And you'll have anthrax in the internal linkwater supply and sarin gas in the air conditioners; there'll be chemical and biological suitcase-bombs in every city, ......
As far as I'm concerned, all of this airport security--the cameras, the questions, the screenings, the searches--is just one more way of reducing your liberty and reminding you that they can fuck with you anytime they want. Because that's the way Americans are now. They're willing to trade away a little of their freedom in exchange for the feeling---the illusion---of security.
What we now have is a completely neurotic population obsessed with security, safety, crime, drugs, cleanliness, hygiene, and germs. "
"One phrase that come up quite a bit in abortion discussions is "sanctity of life." What about that? Do you think there's a thing as sanctity of life? Personally,, I think it's a bunch of shit. Who says life is sacred? .....god? Great, but if you read your history you know that god is one of the leading causes of death and has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Moslems, Christians, Jews, all taking turns killing one another, because god told them it was a good idea. The sword of god, the blood of the lamb, Vengeance is mine, onward Christian soldiers. Millions of dead people. All because they gave the wrong answer to the god Question: Do you believe in god?
No.
BAM! Dead.
How about you? Do you believe in god?
Yes."
Do you believe in MY god?
No.
BAM! Dead!
My god has a bigger dick than your god.
For thousands of years all the bloodiest and most brutal wars have been based on religious hatred. Which of course, is fine with me; anytime "holy" people are killing one another, I'm a happy guy......but please, don't kill each other and give me that shit about sanctity of life."
|