Feds Link Joe's Web Hack, OJ Real Killer & Ah-nold Groping Investigations

In an effort to streamline processes and save money, the FBI has decided to combine three
extremely important investigations into one massive single investigation.

The FBI has reopened its cold case files on the OJ Simpson hunt for the "real killers" of his wife
and her waiter boyfriend, as well as Arnold Schwarzenegger's self-policing effort to investigate charges
that he is a serial groper, linking them to Joe Lieberman's charge that his website was hacked
on election day by elements connected to Ned Lamont's campaign.

"The common factor linking these crimes is the level of absolute bullshit associated with the
claims being made," said FBI Agent John Smith. "This is not your garden variety BS that one hears
in a bar or at a Tony Snow press conference. This is specific bull that rises well above the imaginations
of those people who we would consider sane. That alone should give Americans an idea of the deep
concerns we have about these three seemingly unrelated cases. In all three cases, the individuals making
the claims immediately ratcheted down their rhetoric after the passing of a few news cycles...or an
election. We're looking to see if there's some connection to the way the government has used the
color-coded terror alert system. Al Quada may be involved."

Representaives of Mr. Lieberman, Simpson and Schwarznegger all expressed concern that their "strong
and ongoing investigations" were being linked together and urged the FBI to "just get over it" and "move
on to other matters ASAP."

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