What does a young adult need to know in this society?

Endless books have been written about this but I wonder what is the two things you think you need to know. Do you need to know how to cook an egg or the how to eat healthy? Do you need to know how to judge the media hype and make your own decisions? What defines adulthood in our culture? We don't have an adulthood ritual but we have variants of that.

So, post here about a few things you wish your parents had taught you.

Yeah, I just sent my first child off to college. I freaked last week realizing that she added water to the burned food. Had I not taught her that it's best to save what you can and then salvage the rest? Then, I got into sexuality. Yeah, I'm freaking about all of it. I've talked about most things, but I'm curious about what most of you think about what your parents should have told you.

There's very little that's more important to having a less stressful and comfortable life.

within it is critical. Money smarts is the key to success in this culture assuming you have a living wage.

don't assume that just because your kid is smart that he or she won't be abosolutely stupid when it comes to decisions about sex. Oh sure, they know the right answers, but its whether or not the actually make the right decisions that count.

eta: whoops. this was supposed to be in response to the OP. sorry.

Pretend you're the parent or the older sibling, what should they know??

I know the oooops. That what's scares me.

Here's my brief response.

About sex: talk to him or her (I'll just assume him for now, same goes for a woman, I just hate typing him or her, he or she, etc.).

Ask him questions and discuss what he is doing sexually. Ask him how he approaches safe sex and contraception issues with his sex partners. Ask him if anyone has pressured him to do things he didn't want to do or not use contraception or safe sex. Ask him if he found using safe sex or contraception difficult. Ask him what type of sexual relationships he wants (does he want to bang everyone, date and have sex, wait until marriage?). If this is awkward or he resist keep talking until he's answering honestly. You should know the difference by now when he's blowing you off and when he's honest. Get some good info (I often suggest college textbooks to parents such as Levay & Valente's Human Sexuality or Kings Sexuality Today -- both very mainstream, good basic knowledge stuff). Help him with access to clinics for testing, and contracpetion and safe sex technologies. If you can pay for some of it great.

About Money:
Stay away from debt -- especially bad debt. I urge students to work their way through college even if it means an extra two or three years (especially if they can work in the field in which they are interested -- even as a grunt). Practice using credit cards -- start off with having the money first and then paying it off and a few bigger purchases where they pay it off within a few payments. This builds great credit. Don't bail them out if they screw up. Better to learn it right early than keep making the same mistake. A good job that make some money with only moderate interests can be a better decision than something he loves that pays crap -- why -- because then he can spend his money on his perferred activitites. I think this is one of the toughest decisions one has to make. I've seen a lot of people at 20 follow their hearts only to be dirt poor at 30 and having a tough time paying for family and living the live they want (life goals at 20 are often not the goals at 30 or 40). Of course, they are those who work miserable jobs all week long and have nothing left of a life to live. I think kids shouldn't get married until at least 25, have their careers started, a paid off car, and a downpayment on house. Even if loves comes around, and it usually does, blow it off until ready. A loving committed relationship is also responsibility. Shit happens -- spouses become unemployable (sickness, injuries, skilless) and kids cost money and it will be his responsibility to take care of them. Few things hurt worse than failing your family economically. Get into real estate early. 30 year fixed for small dwellings are still better or the same as rent. If he's been using the credit cards well and maybe paid off a car loan, then he's get a mortgage no problem for 0% or 5% down. Start a retirement plan/IRA/money market account with contributing 5 - 10 dollars a week and work up to 25-50 a week.

These are just some of my thoughts - take em or leave em. sorry for the typos

Good luck.

How not to go in debt. The power of compounding interest and saving.

or just know how to manage it period. It was 'not talked about' when I was growing up. Alot of things like that weren't, but I had to learn algebra? Makes no sense.

we have a winner.

most folks ascend into adulthood without basic financial skills like:
balancing a checkbook
doing a basic tax return
creating a budget
how to compare loan A to loan B
what the pitfalls and advantages of debt.

that is all

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

We're still going to win

and I'm definitely learning many things the hard way.

What do you wish you had learned?

I'm going to UGA and having lived in Metro Atlanta through most of my life I'm in contact with a lot of types of people that I haven't normally been around. That and the drinking culture, the very busy streets, etc, are things I'm very much unused to.

drinking culture. I think some of this is dealing with the current temptations and understanding who you are. I can't tell my child how to do that but I sure hope she finds a path away from the insanity.

I mean I usually just try to find things to do where I know it won't be insane; even at my university which is known for its drinking culture there are places you can go where there's fun alternative events to spend time at if you want to avoid all that. It can be hard making stable friends if they are into party-culture and you aren't, though.

As an aside, I lived in a coop/dorm during college where most parties had marijuana laced brownies and it was typical for most to head off to a naked sauna. I could go on and on. Yet, I decided to be myself and that didn't feel comfortable for me.. I refused to be a part of that. It worked out for me.

If you aren't naked, it's not a sauna.

And there's no such thing as a 'free' lunch.

Always use a condom anyway. Always.

That is, how credit card companies will try to rip you off.

Secondarily, how to cook.

Thirdly, how to drink responsibly.

My theory has always been that you just need the confidence to try. It's not that hard.

But a kid who keeps burning his eggs several times over is going to lose confidence pretty fast.

I'm talking about what sort of things to keep in the pantry at any given time, how to make a rue, how to deglaze a pan, basic kitchen safety...

I know a college girl who burnt her arm making spaghetti, she was pouring the pot into a colander in the sink and the steam got her. That just comes, I think, from a great amount of inexperience. I think a lot of kids just go to McDonalds or some crappy place way too much just because nobody's bothered to teach them how to cook.

or make a roux. I suspect I know how, but I don't know the words or the techniques. My Mom definitely knew how to make a white sauce or a pie crust and to use endless fruit from a tree. But, I have no idea about terms and techniques. I think I'm a fairly good cook but I don't know what you mean about a basic rue and deglazing a pan. Well, I actually know what you mean but what I don't know is why that is critical to basic cooking.

These are things that are easy to do once somebody shows you how to them. Preferably by following a parent around the kitchen. But if you didn't have a parent to follow around the kitchen, and nobody showed you how to do it then you'd be completely in the dark. Sure, you could still make Mac & Cheese or gravy from boxes or those little packets, but that's not really cooking and quickly gets tiring.

taught me the basics. She is not a great cook. So what do I need, underline need, to know????? What are the basics that all of us need to know. I don't think we need a basic white sauce since it has too much fat. What we need to know is a basic vinagrette, a pasta, various chicken recipes, a few Indian basics, a chutney and a basic hummus.

There's plenty of kids, I think, going off into the world who didn't have parents or grandparents teach them how to cook, and end up cooking grilled cheese sandwiches with irons.

money management
predatory credit card cos.
networking with peer groups
making good friends
understanding your rights under the law - totalitarian drug laws, cops can lie to you, etc.
responsible drinking and recreational drugging - get educated. some drugs really are bad!
legal limit for dui - .08 - how much is your limit.
career - hunt down people that already do what you want to do - go to professional gatherings and hob nob with these folks.
learn to listen
learn to respect others
value your friends
dont get in any legal trouble.
get involved with politics at a local level - watch the nazi's run your town, as Frank Zappa would say
sex ed- avoiding std's and unwanted pregnancy
develop an appreciation for comprehending the future
set goals - shorty term and five year, write them down!

yatta-yatta

-85% Jimmy

wish i took some of my own advice 30 years ago!

an overnight sensation in the entertainment business. Both require hard work and a tremendous amount of sheer luck. Plan accordingly.

Never vote for a conservative, not ever.

Cheaters and hypocrites may look like winners in life until you look a little more closely. They are empty.

Most people in the world will do the right thing, given the opportunity. When you meet the few who do not, cut them out of your life. They will drag you down to their level if you don't.

Nobody ever regretted not owning more things or putting more effort into a job on his deathbed. Regrets all come from things that could have been done and should have been done for self, friends, and family.

Take those chances, screw up, and learn from them.

Above all, remember how to laugh at yourself. We're all comedians in this play, not central tragic figures.

"Both require hard work and/or a tremendous amount of sheer luck." Lancelot Link and Paris Hilton are perfect examples of coital lottery winners.

The President In A Bubble can fail as much as he wants, can fiddle while America burns, can middle-finger pick his nose to the middle class and he'll be bailed out, he'll still be wealthy, everything will still bounce off of his coat of teflon that only Reagan can envy and he'll be historically reverred. And no, I don't think the Universe will tend to right itself when it comes to dealing with the Bushes. This is the one bunch that Satan was allowed or something . . .

Paris Hilton can do nothing but slut herself out 24-7, party till her liver turns to sand and she'll get rewarded ON TOP of her fortune with acting roles and reality shows.

So impressionable youths, THIS will not be you.

by the content of their character, not by skin color, social status or political affiliation.

Oh, and they should try to live by the Golden Rule.

I know my children know that. Money and all the rest, I'm not sure.

My grandparents raised me, so in some ways, I was more prepared to be self sufficient.

Things one should know when going away to college...(in no particular order)
1. Learn how to cook a basic meal: proper use of appliances, etc. Your living expenses will be lower and you will eat healthier if you prepare your own food.
2. Learn how to balance a checkbook (I didn't have access to a credit card and Gparents didn't use them)
3. It is ok not to jump in the middle of the social scene - you are at college to learn, not play
4. Don't sign up for too many hard classes in the same semester unless you want a nervous breakdown
5. Learn to use cleaning products and tools, frequently.- keeping your living space clean means getting back your deposit when you leave
6. Clean clothing is important. Set a time each week to do your laundry.
7. Despite the fact you just left high school, you are now an adult. Act like one. It is ok to have fun sometimes, but remember you are now completely responsible for your own actions. You screw up, you suffer the consequences.

My grandfather, having trained me to be a tool user, sent me off to college with a basic tool kit: saw, hammer, drill, screwdrivers, etc. I still have all those tools and have added to the collection.

Hope this helps.

By the way, I still have the sewing kit and the tool kit I got when I went to college. I used the tape measure last week.

Tthey taught me worthless stuff like "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "work hard" and "do the right thing" and "follow the rules."


They should have taught me something that really applies, like "crime pays" or "look out for number one and screw everyone else."

Those seem to be the hallmarks of success in Murka.

I made it before I read yours. LOL :rofl: :hi:

:hi:

I know I would've had about a 10 year head start if I'd known this when I got started. :hippie:

That was one thing my parents NEVER taught me. As a result, I'm independent, but when I discovered that most people are willing to help you -- in fact, WANT to help, and feel good helping, and that there are professional people who actually know better than me and are there for the asking -- my life became much more manageable.

Also -- look for the hidden agenda. I guess that's just something that comes with experience...

Corollary: how to seek good advice.

I'm not sure I can take credit for teaching my daughter this, but I'm so thankful that she learned it. I think I succeeded by learning to ask for help. It's what most of us need to learn. Ask and learn!!!

s

...

The most important issue to settle is death, and to be realistic that you might
die, and you don't have forever to waste your time being mediocre, and in the
pursuit of a solution to the suffering of existance and your spiritual side,
then life is otherwise a waste.

But hmmm. what else. There are no friends in immature life... Everyone is living
a dream and projecting their wants and desires on to the people around them, that
you to get your own life sorted out, will need to renegotiate those agreements
so you can be enlightened, and not just the person they know, and that renegotiation
is one of power where you cast off all the dependencies, where you are truly independent
and speak for yourself, from your own work, your own space. But gaining your space
is more than simply going to school, more than earning money, more than a loving partner,
it is finding your path in life, your perfect place where 'you' are in the groove,
and if its not working where you are, then have the courage to move on to where it will
work for you. Then you'll have no excuses and grow up to be a mature contributor to
our civilization.

Do drugs, don't do drugs, whatever, do sex, don't do sex whatever... enlightenment is
the awakeness in your mind right now, and it will never leave you, though you might leave it
for spells in your ego, projecting yourself in to a nonexistant future or a nonexistant
past, and for the sake of your career, this be important, get your degrees if you want to
change your social class, learn to be generous... the greatest lesson in life, IMO,
is to be generous, to realize that there is enough for everyone, and that the experience
you are having is what your soul wants or you wouldn't be there.

My kids will be in college soon enough, and I think about this a lot.

My parents both had (what I imagine) were very happy and typically 1950's college experiences, and they probably expected the same for me. But I found college in the 'seventies to be a burning hell, and it didn't help that I had some serious mental health issues, and that the very few friends I had were mostly way, way, over the edge.

The worst thing is that I didn't feel I could talk to my parents about any of the horrors I was experiencing. I had some happy experiences, and I'd tell them those, and they would be happy. The first time I got kicked out of college, my parents simply assumed it was something almost trivial, and they didn't probe too deeply. I was a good kid, I wasn't addicted to drugs or alcohol, I wasn't having babies, and I worked, so in their eyes I was doing okay, and probably better than the kids of too many of their friends.

The second time I got kicked out of college, they were a little more concerned, but by that time I had pushed them out of my sphere of people who had any influence over me.

Therefore the first promise I make to myself as a parent is that I will keep in touch with my kids in college, and visit them often, even if it embarrasses the hell out of them. My parents never visited any of the places I lived, they didn't know my friends, and if they had it would have been an OMG eye opening experience for them. I'm not sure they would have responded appropriately, but I'm pretty certain I would if I found my kids in similar situations. But then again, I don't expect too. My kids are already much more straightforward than I ever was, and my wife and I have a much more open relationship with them then I did with my parents.

It's close to a miracle I went back to college for a third try and graduated, and it was only by the perseverance and insistence of a few professors who knew me. The incident that got me kicked out of college the first time was centered around a professor who was now the dean who had to sign my readmission, and he was still very pissed off at me. He grilled me for what seemed like hours, and promised me very explicitly I'd be out on the street if I screwed up again.

I don't expect my kids will ever find themselves in similar situations, but that's the basis of my second bit of advice... Tell your daughter to get to know her teachers! I was very fortunate I had people looking out for me when I needed them the most. Without them I would have been lost.

I think we all want to connect and we try. I actually think by trying that we eventually connect.

So I'm putting on this happy face to them, and stuffing all this bad stuff into the closet, and eventually the back wall of the closet blows out, sucking me out with it.

I don't mean visit your kids in the sense of spying or snooping on them, but to, as you say, "connect."

My kids are going to do bone-headed things in college that disappoint me. They are going to have romances that I would not approve of, they may flunk classes, but I don't want them to feel they have to hide from me for fear of disappointing me.

I wish someone had explained to me all about credit ratings. How to get a good one and keep it good.

but I really, really wish I could have forced myself to participate more in on-campus events and not be afraid to make an effort to talk to people and join in. I regret that I spent so much time alone while I was getting my BA. I think I missed out on a lot.

I practically lived in the computer labs or the library, but I was fortunate that right away I started taking classes that had field trips, especially botany and geology. You really can't be a loner when you are camping out in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of people. Once I did that it was a lot easier for me to participate on campus.

That they are generally prejudiced and ignorant, and will go to great lengths to remain so.

That they will screw over anybody that gives them a chance, often to their own detriment, simply out of spite.

That often they will lie right to your face and have no honor.

That honesty is rarely rewarded, while deceit almost always is.

That playing by the rules is a sucker game and, in fact, the rules are made specifically to identify the suckers.

That image is far more important than substance.

That if you work hard and do an exceptional job, you will be rewarded by having to do the jobs of the others that don't, in addition to your own job, and you will be the first one laid-off, "because, with your ability, it will be much easier for you to find another job". Oh, and you will be the last promoted, because the (department, office, whatever) can't run without you.

That success in life is due to birth, luck, and connections, knowledge and competence have little, if anything, to nothing to do with it.

That here in amerika, money is the most important thing, with enough of it, you can do anything you desire, and without it, you can do nothing but struggle.

(Except, of course, the big ticket items like house and car.)

five, six, or even seven years now, of payments for a box on wheels that takes you from point a to point b.

They are strictly a liability, not an asset, and buying one is never, ever, an "investment".

although you probably wouldn't need your parents to explain that fact of life to you

I'm a life-long bachelor that made a conscious choice to be so. I've been very successful in the dating/sex category for a long, long time, and believe me, you don't have to have a $60,000 penis extension to get laid.

the world is pretty unjust.

rich greedy self absorbed pigs get richer.

back stabbing pricks get ahead.

sometimes fairness and divine justice do kick in.

dont plot another persons downfall, just focus on your own improvements.

learn to read really good. maybe a couple of books a year or something.

set aside time for people - family, spouses, friends, etc.

set aside time for doing what you love.

discover new stuff you grow to love.

take occasional night classes - in hobbies or career oriented stuff

-85% Jimmy

who still can't read for more than 10 minutes at a sitting.

in this society you are judged by looks and money

those who worry about what other people think of them would be surprised at how seldom they did

those two statements are not contradictory, do you see why?

will probably come in handy in the coming years. Endless war and all that.

1. No job pays you a living. Any employer is going to pay you just enough that your slide into debt is imperceptible. Higher-paying jobs come with bigger expenses. If you want to make a living, you have to do more than one thing.

2. Just because someone says he/she is in love with you, doesn't mean you have to give them the time of day.

3. As mickey-mouse as it may seem, the education you get makes a difference in how people see you.

Whether it's not getting into debt, not getting pregnant/getting someone else pregnant, not catching STDs, not accepting lifts from people over the limit, not getting hooked on drink or drugs, or whatever, an awful lot of valuable lessons boil down to how to resist pressure to do something you think is unwise.

Also, something which my parents stressed to me, and for which I'm grateful, is the importance of actually getting a good degree. There's all sorts of fun stuff to do at a university, but the thing that will have the most lasting impact is if you do well in the exams or not.

One or the other or both are guaranteed employment for the future, compared to how tenuous everything else is.

and STDs...then you don't know them well enough to have sex with them.

ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!!