Ignacio Upton for Unitary Executive in '08!

The phrase "POTUS" is soooo 1776. For a post-9/11 America, the term "Unitary Executive" is a more apt term to convey a Commander in Chief who cares about fascis....er "national securiy!" Because this office will carry so much power (sans a REAL legislature) I hearby announce my candidacy for Unitary Executive of the United States!
Once I seize the office that is mine by divine right in 2009, I will fulfill a quota to waterboard 100,000 Republicans by the end of January. I will also give that tired old Congress and much needed vacation at a lovely tropical resort in the Caribbean, where they will be free to stay for days, weeks, months...or years!
And while they are on extended vacation, I'll keep the country safe with the stroke of my pen. My signing statements will allow for a more flexible government in the way of fighting terrorists and subversives. I'll have both Bin Laden and Hannity getting Abu Ghraibed once I find them! Oh, and Karl Rove will be at the top of the human pyramid!
Now, I'm actually younger than 35, which is the required age to be Commander in Chief. But we've already removed other barriers in that pesky 18th Century document...why not remove one more insipid hurdle

Behold your beloved Unitary Executive...ME!

Urinary Executive?

Oh, wait, I know why not -- because he ain't worth piss!