Would you leave your spouse if you had economic freedom?

I wonder how many marriages are held together by economic necessity. For instance men who couldn't afford child support and self support, or a spouse who stays only because they would lack healthcare coverage.

What made me wonder about this is my brother, who's kids are all grown and his wife has recently "been saved" and is makign his life a living hell. He says he would leave but he because of his bad heart is dependent on her healthcare benefits.

stuck with me for life. and we like each other too much, too good to each other and respect each other to ever not want to be together. we know the grass is not greener on the other side. and that is a wonderful place to be. an excellent way to live life.

but knowing that there is someone who checks all of my GREAT IDEAS to see if they make sense is comforting.

To mix my metaphors, blood is thicker than water under the bridge.

She's quietly made it clear that she won't marry because I don't earn as much as she does. Old ideas die hard, she believes a man MUST earn more than his wife, even though she thinks women should on average earn as much as men.

my condolences............

from ideas she was raised on during the 1950's, even if she desperately claims to have thrown them off. She's definitely an example of a conflicted Women's Studies Prof. on some of the issues.

So who give a rodents behind where the money comes from? That's a rhetorical question, BTW.

because she's putting more in the kitty, and that just ain't the way she was raised.

I really don't think she is unusual among women her age. Sort of like Moses, they led their sisters to the promised land, but tainted with their own pasts they can't enter the promised land and recieve the full endowment.

She should try to sort out these feelings. I personally think it is a bit unusual in this day and age. It seems like does not respect you. It might help to get her into couples counseling and bring this up there. That being said, I don't pretend to give you any advice, since my life is a COMPLETE mess! :cry:

contradiction of the worldview she professes in her classroom. But down in the core of her being she still wants the old ways for her private life. Conflicted is the nicest way I can put it.

I wish you both the best in life!

separate bank accounts. He figures out the monthly bills and gives me a check for his share and I write out the checks so this is a shared labor.

We have recently given ownership of our bank accounts to each other in case one of us gets unable to function or dies and the other has to carry on with the bills, mortgage, etc until the estate is settled and other plans made. But at present I don't have his checkbook and he doesn't have mine. We can get access to each other's money if circumstances require it.

I was just referring to the fact that most states consider everything "joint property" in marriage.

It's funny, except when I dwell on it.

is the most sacred trust given me by God. I will not leave him.

have money who either have young trophy wives or are with women fixing to be one. Neither person looks happy although the women usually have nice boob jobs, clothes and jewelry. That's not for me-if I had "economic freedon" I'd share it with my wife-she's shared all my indentured servitude. The last time I used the term "trophy wife" here I received a reply from a DUer who said he'd clean my clock if I called his wife that. So as a qualifier I am going to say "Florida trophy wives" and hope he lives some other place.

:silly:

It's funny. I can't imagine this is a question one would pose to husbands. I wonder why.

I certainly meant it to BOTH genders - what made me wonder about this is my BROTHER (you know, a HUSBAND). :)

:shrug: Dunno.

I was married twice. Both came to an end after their adultery - and refusal to "work through it."

I'm far from having the requisite expertise to know why I have a hard time imagining it.

Even when the other person is driving you nuts, the love that brought you together is what keeps you there. I know an old couple where the wife is completely immersed in her church. He complains about it ALL the time, threatens divorce several times a year. They are very financially secure, and yet he stays. He'll never leave her. I know another older couple where the wife scrimped on everything their whole life to save every dime, drove him crazy. Now she has Alzheimers, is in nursing care. All that money is gone and he's going to have to apply for state medical. His heart is completely broken to see her like that. That's marriage.

No fucking way. She stood by me when we had very little money and after I was paralyzed in a hit-and-run accident and left for dead, she stayed with me. She came into my communal hospital room (Tripler Army Medical Center), closed the curtain around my bed and quietly made love to me, even with my broken body.

There is simply no amount of money that could ever make me want to leave her and seek greener pastures.

Great for you, and her!

I do indeed feel sorry for your brother, though. Lots of people are in that position.

Redstone

Our love transcends finances.

Of course, we happen to like each other and enjoy each others company, not to mention loving each other. In fact, the thought of life without her, is dismal. Fortunately, she feels the same about me.

There's a lot to be said for compatibility.

Marriage is hard sometimes, but I love him.

Once in a while there is a bit of resentment on my husband's part that I was able to "retire" from my high stress full time job and draw down income generated by my bequest. I have a very part time job now just to pay for my travel to Europe once a year. But mostly, we don't have a major problem with it.

And, after having a succession of "boyfriends" through the years, I give up on getting married. Some people are just meant to be single. And, now, I've grown to enjoy it. I like my freedom. If I HAD a spouse, though, money wouldn't matter, because I could never be married to someone who has a regular job, and I would have to be the one with economic freedom.

the stay at home.... i equally have the economic freedom you talk, even without the full time job you speak of. we have set up the situation that never will i be in the position of having left the work force, i will be in financial dire straights. that was a big concern for me chosing the life i did. always there are ways to resolve, if one choses. i was also older getting married. i was prepared to be single always. i valued that life too. higher in all things

Powerball jackpot. I have someone in my life who I can count on 100%...more than any other person. He wants to do whatever he has to in order to make sure I have what I want or need.

And I feel the same way about him. He's my rock.

regardless of any other consideration...

I would be lost a lonely and sad if I weren't with him...

On edit, after re-reading your OP, I can understand circumstances where this would be a consideration.

I guess we're one of the very lucky ones...

love is another matter entirely.

Anyone who does their own divorce finds out quickly that the act of marriage is merely a legal agreement, allowing the spouse to speak for you if you could not, inherit property you've both accumulated together, and even take over inherited property sometimes (depending on the state) when the other spouse dies as well as establish parentage for any children conceived. In my state a woman can conceive by another man, but if she is married, the husband is the legal father. Not too long ago at our county courthouse, a man gunned down his soon-to-be pregnant ex because the father was someone else, but HE was expected to pay the child support.

Marriage is good if you want to make sure your spouse is able to speak for you in a way you want should you say, be incapacitated and you trust her to carry out your wishes. It is good to ensure she/he will get your retirement and that their social security is based on your earnings, if it is more.

It is seldom that a spouse leaves if they are economically safe, indeed, if anything often, especially in domestic abuse cases the spouse leaves in spite of being economically disadvantaged when they leave. the idea that marrying gives economic security anymore, is a myth. This is the sad part of trying to marry off low income single mothers, as if having a "sugar daddy" will fix everything. Most have fled their situations because of domestic abuse and in spite of leaving everything behind. Over 70% of welfare mothers are domestic abuse survivors.

As for the woman who refuses to marry the person above simply because he does not make as much as she does, she is not being very caring about his future IMO. Her social security could help him out a great deal should she die first and leave him with the sole responsibility of any children should there have been any and to carry out property distribution, etc. Rather than trusting her partner, perhaps she wants a brother or sister or other blood relative to decide whether or not to pull the plug should she not be there to tell them otherwise. Even if she does will all her property to her live-in, she opens the door to relatives contesting that.

As a woman myself, I see little reason to marry especially now that I am older. I would prefer to live with my partner without any need for that. I would marry only if my spouse would want me to speak for him and that we had a good enough relationship that he trusted me to carry out his wishes. If he was able to do it, I would hope he would ensure I did not suffer in poverty after he died. But if he had children, I feel they should be seriously considered, unless they had other inheritances that would be more or were comfortable enough already, and I would hope that he would trust me to make sure it was evenly distributed, and that his kids had a loving step-parent who was trustworthy enough to make sure that all were cared about. I would be content for the time we had together, most of all.

My 2 cents

Cat In Seattle

My SO made it increasingly inconvenient to stay single...:spank:

But there are times when I think I'd love to find out.

regardless of my economic circumstances, however, each person's marriage problems are individual. I would guess that you would weigh the benefits on each side of the column as well as the drawbacks.

because your husband will know that you have the freedom to leave if he pulls any shit (abuse, adultery, etc.). He won't subconsciously resent you or look down on you because you are an economic burden on him. He won't take you for granted if he knows you're married to him because you WANT to be his wife, and not because, to any degree, you NEED to be financially taken care of.

Yes, I know people can have a great marriage even if one spouse is financially dependent on the other. And it's great if one spouse makes enough money for the other to be a full time parent while kids are small. But there's a substantive value when both spouses know that the stay-at-home spouse could go into the marketplace and get a good-paying job and support him or herself, if necessary.

money, which at times was good because I had to help support him during his times of economic deprivation. It sort of went both ways. In the beginning of our marriage my money was the important source of income because he still had a previous family to support.

However, as we neared retirement it was his money that was the major support and that provided the lion's share of our retirement so I believe both need to strive to be independent although you will depend on each other throughout your marriage.