My husband had a meds change that went south and he decided to leave me.

It's true. Just about two weeks after his meds were tweaked, he decided I was a bad person. He told me that I was a control freak and an anti - Semite (:wtf:) and not his wife but only his roommate and not his family but only his caretaker.

And because he was scared, he took all the money and of course, that means, he left me with all the bills. And he left me with 7 cats and our dying Lab who adored him. It was pretty horrible.

And I guess I needed to post this, I hope, not so much to get "awe, Beth" from you all but to mark how fragile some people really are despite their best efforts. To mark how tech doesn't really solve everything, to mark that our mental health is a process much more than it is a decision. To point out, our families really work hard and we need all the understanding and support we can get.

We are your teachers and your entertainers and your nurse practitioners and your printers. We are seniors and vets and we may not be very vocal but, we're here.

This post is to mark, that even if you and your whole family knows the situation and does its utmost to take care of it, things can still go drastically wrong and the community at large just doesn't seem to notice.

My soon to be ex, my oldest friend, will be fine, somehow. I'm not sure how. I'm cool although this has been painful for me and scary, too, because I have no idea how he is. I guess I'm trying to trust that there are enough adults around him to put arms around this. And, I can't be passive. I have to make calls that are uncomfy and to find out what is what. That's the job.

Families dealing with mental illness are tired, cranky, reactive and usually strapped. Oh, and many of us are are on the edge if not homeless because the illness broke our piggy bank. But, we're also by necessity, creative, thoughtful, patient and loyal.


As the rock song goes, for what it's worth.

:hug:
:grouphug:

This sounds so painful. I don't know what to do but offer you a hug.:hug:

:)

made for an interesting childhood :crazy:

:hug:

:toast:

:hug:

My "Momma" is a bipolar/paranoid schizo combo. Quite fun lemme tell ya. :hi: Thank the gods for lithium. ;)

:-( My mom is being pulled off of her miracle drug due to kidney issues. Damn side effects that make the con side of the list one too long. She has yet to find a replacement drug that works nearly as well as lithium. I say fuck the kidney, take one of mine and start over again, she won't do it.

I'm so sorry. My mom has had issues with weight gain and such, but so far the kidneys are ok? She did become a diabetic however, and there is a link to the meds.

Lithium is really an amazing drug for bipolar, though I know that some are looking to CBT as an alternative/compliment to medications?

Best wishes.

I can sympathize with you. I also am married to someone on psych meds who has mood swings. Fortunately, he'd never leave me - at least not that I know of. I hope that you can get in touch with your husband's doctor SOON, so that s/he can get this problem straightened out.

99% if the people we've dealt with.

It's a good thing to have a professional that you can trust. :)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=276&topic_id=1649&mesg_id=1649

I've been using it for well over a year now and it's significantly cut my depression symptoms. It doesn't do much for "circumstantial" depression, only clinical depression and bi-polar disorder. The success rates are higher with this device than with Prozac, but physicians are often not allowed to prescribe it due to rules imposed by their group practice. The device doesn't provide continued revenue for the practice, unlike prescription meds. Or so I was told by my GP.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. :hug:

if he has talked about it with some of his clients. He's an indy and I'd go on teevee for him. :)

and lots of them

I don't know you but, I am so sorry for you.
If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to send me a personal message. I will be happy to hold your hand and let you cry.
It is so shocking the way the people you think you know best turn around and so something horrible like this.

Your family here at DU are here for you.

change in meds disinhibited some anti-social behavior that is normally held in check.

My deal is, many of us are vulnerable to mental illness and the delivery system for the wonderful technology we have is pretty much not happening. :(

and with the added stress of some mental illness the fatigue of it all can be too much. Change in meds or just what's going on out there in combination...who knows.

:hug: and :grouphug: for you, the 7 kitties and the dying lab...who needs the last days of love.

So much bad stuff and angst out there over what was supposed to be "holidays" and the rest.

Hang in...

:hug:

:toast:

The "delivery system" of mental health care has been the second hardest thing to deal with. She has a highly incompetent doctor who has made things infinitely harder.

When I informed the head of the Edelman Clinic that I was publishing a book based on my journal, he went pale and tried to do better. But, he really couldn't do better. That place is dangerous and people are going to get hurt or worse. :(

I finally got Doug out of the public system down there and begged the money to see a competent doctor. That produced the longest period of stability he'd ever had in his adult life.

I can't fire him. As an example of his uselessness, she allowed me to come to one of her meetings with him and gave us carte blanch to talk about her situation. I had already figured out that she had another diagnosis (in addition) of borderline and I mentioned my suspicion to him and he said that he had already figured that out but that "there is no reason to dwell on that" and dismissed my concerns. And he just kept adding meds to her cocktail as she got crazier and crazier.

One good thing is that if she does move back up here, she'll need another doctor. Maybe this one won't be a dangerous moron.

There are really good docs out there. I hope your family finds one that is careful in prescribing and titrating. God, it's like wrestling with an alligator with one arm. :mad:

and infuriating you but actually, more likely, they just wouldn't surprise you. There is no system at all when it comes to mental health.

This society actively resists dealing with mental health issues, and discriminates against those who suffer them.

Hey, let's do something about that. :)

That's the understatement of the year. Bad doctors tend to become psychiatrists, largely because they think the job is just sitting behind a desk prescribing more and more meds all day and not really actually DOING anything. And the few good, caring psychiatrists are unbelievably overwhelmed and burn out quickly.

I'm so sorry, sfexpat, this has to be so hard to go through. But, as you've recognized, there's only so much you can do for those you love before they have to start helping themselves as well. I hope you are able to go on with your life and find peace and strength in doing so. Mental illness often wreaks havoc on families and couples, and the lingering social stigma, which seemingly refuses to accept that most mental illnesses are biological and NOT a "character flaw" or weakness, certainly doesn't help.

I had several psychiatrists once my familial clinical depression was finally diagnosed, and they were all just prescription-pushers who saw you for five minutes every six months, then patted you on the head and sent you on your way with a new or renewed prescription. To me, something still just wasn't right all that time, even though I was fully aware of my family's history of depression, especially among the women (my grandmother, in particular, suffered terribly with it). But moodiness was also a part of their depression, and moodiness was a major, major part of my own personality. It took moving to a new city in another state, and finding an actually decent, caring, and COMPETENT psychiatrist before I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and not just depression.

The difference the resulting change of medication with such a diagnosis has made is truly remarkable! And the doctor actually penciled in an entire half hour for me and all of his patients, and really talked to all of us. He had come to South Dakota from Alabama twenty years ago to work in the Indian Health Service on a reservation, so he really was very caring.

HOWEVER, and very unfortunately, he died suddenly of a massive heart attack on Dec. 5, while vacationing in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. SIGH. And now, since I'm currently uninsured, I have to try to find a psychiatrist who will accept uninsured patients, which will be damn near impossible around here. I can't afford my medicine any longer, and the public mental health services here are almost non-existent. Fortunately, I have a strong support system, which is keeping me stable for the moment. But his death was a real blow and a shock, and I know that some of his more unstable patients are really suffering.

RIP, Dr. John Fox. You will certainly be missed!

to be seen by a doctor. Don't let it slide. If there's something I can do to help you find resources, pm me.

This life is too precious and so short.

:hug:

by the citizenry!!

Did you ever see the movie "The Doctor"? I just rewatched it, and it speaks to me. What is needed is for the damned doctors themselves to go through their own "treatment", and see just how sane they are after that!!!

REALLY!! That's what I most want to see. A "Boxing Day" for mental patients... let them, for a day, week, month, be the "Doctor", and for the "professionals" :puke: to be the patient, and watch changes get made FAST.

Can we do this? :rofl:

:rofl:

bobbolink,

I totally agree,for even as practicing psychotherapist and counselor, it took 10 years and over 50 different medications and 10 diagnoses for me to be finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And I had the most problems with psychiatrists and instead just privately paid for my own psychotherapist until he referred to one he worked with. It was then that I discovered the others had prescribed medication that exacerbated my symptoms making me more unstable.

Unfortunately, you are right about how our society treat mental illness. I am also a writer on mental health issue and I am a columnist for my local newspaper on this topic. But I have found that none of the major magazines want to touch the subject of mental illenss--I've queried
Redbook, O (Oprah's magazine), Glamour, Woman's World, Counterpunch, Alternet and several others -- only to receive rejections or no response at all. Still, I run a bipolar group and keep public awareness on these timely ignored disorders.

:applause:

:hug:

Great mag- and the editor is fantastic. :hug: to you for your work, professionally and privately. My mom struggles with her bipolar as well. It's really hard for me, but I know it's millions of times harder for her to deal with it.

of love and compassion. I simply couldn't let this act go unremarked. You are truly a model for the rest of us. I feel uplifted to know that such people as you are out there doing good works. I must commend you.

Love and Peace.

I hope you are OK. Mental illness can be such a total mess.

I've heard of this happening when someone changes meds for a mood disorder. People don't realize how hard it is on the friends and family.

Hold on, you will get through it. :hug:

I've had similar experience in my life with a loved one, and I can appreciate what you're going through.

Unfortunately, the sick person is usually incapable of realizing the destruction they have left in their wake - they're just trying to survive (or not).

You just did the most powerful thing - you shared your pain in a non-victim manner and I send you my condolences and my admiration for your courage.

May your new path be more peaceful!

That's what we're here for. And, what a relief that is. :)

I am so sorry.:hug:
I don't know what else to say, except that you have been a remarkably strong woman through all of this.
I just hope that you know that the man that you married doesn't believe a word that the man that left you said.
My wish for you is peace.:hug:

:evilgrin:

:hug:

He might not tell the doctor, but the physician should be aware that the medications may be causing this sort of bizarre thoughts and actions.

I am very sorry. I've had a family member go through this, and know how getting the proper medications makes all the difference.

There are also now some doctors having success treating mental illnesses with nutritional therapies instead of medication, as it turns out there's a strong link between things like depression and key dietary deficiencies or excesses.

people for centuries have believed that the diet is the key to proper behavior (the Romans the Greeks, medieval quacks (experts in the humors and vapors,) 19th century American dieticians, and the like, are actually being vindicated by modern science. Or at least their theory is accepted, if not their exact practices. Many other things can also cause depression, such as heavy metal poisoning, deficiency of omega-3, amino acids, vitamins b or c, or from taking antibiotics. There is a bacterium in the intestines that eat a yeast. When the bacteria are killed by the antibiotic, the yeast runs amok and causes depression.

you, to both of you. I hope somehow things will work out and you both will be well.


:hug:

...of our experiences are ever really similar-- with my ex. It's pretty awful watching someone go through those changes. I'm so sorry, Beth. I wish there was something to say that would make it better. In my case, I ultimately broke it off for my own health and well-being, although that comes with a butt-load of guilt. Still, there is only so much you can do to support someone's personal implosion.

Hugs and best wishes. This too shall pass. :hug:

But I decided not to do that. I decided instead to make a safety zone (my home) and to be available in other ways. Oh, and, I did that while uncoupling from him which just about killed me. The beach is just a block away.

When you love someone, it really does hurt when you are away from them. Isn't that something. I thought that was a metaphor but it's true.

The weird thing for me was how the community took his reports and chalked them up to a "he said, she said" deal when it's public info that he's dealing with seriously difficult DNA. Mental illness is the last house on the block.


Thanks, Mike. :)

And no matter what, even if you get to a point where you can live together again, do NOT remarry. Keep finances separate, keep that distance. You can be supportive without being drained dry.

I say take care of yourself for now, do something good for YOU. You certainly deserve it.

assumes all cases are equal. Family law an industrial process, not a human process.

I went through a simular education in my divorce. My kids mom was seriously over the edge, it was documented repeatedly. I was caring 24/7 for the kids, and yet almost every professional I dealt with wanted to treat the situation as "he said, she said."

Things are much better now. My kids mom is doing much better.

But the process generally made things much worse at the time of crisis, not better.

Hang tough. I know you will!

I'm glad she's better, John Q. I hope you and yours get some peace this year. :hug:

My husband is narcissistic and borderline. Meds have a very dramatic impact on his behavior and we're still trying to work through all of the issues after 13 years and 4 kids. His narcissism compels him to act like a good guy in public so people have an incredibly difficult time understanding what's so hard for me but life with him has mostly been an extreme rollercoaster ride. Even the people in the community who know about his diagnosis really have a hard time understanding it at all. Its very draining and difficult for those of us in the home who have to live with it day in and day out. Right now he is stabilized so I'm thankful for that but last year there were two affairs and unbelievable turmoil for the kids. Its exhausting. When he's been out of the house its been a blessing in disguise because there was time to take care of myself too . . . but I know how frustrating it is to watch someone you care about become someone else . . . and once they're that other person they don't understand the need to fix the meds or sometimes even to take them at all. I wish you the best. When you're with someone like that things are so wildly out of control that I know, I at least, do everything I can to create stability and predictability (though I used to love spontaneity) . . . and my husband called me controlling too. I hope you recognized that there's no truth in that. You need your boundaries, you need stability . . . its normal. Its just his way of shifting blame (which he can't handle) for his bad behaviors away from himself.

I have a little essay that I wrote some years ago about Borderline families. It's in the Mental Health forum somewhere. If you want, I'll dig it up for you.

I was a big fan of spontaneity myself. :hi:

And thank you for the welcome!!

Its amazing/discouraging how few people in mental health really know how to deal with this. Meds are an issue. Therapy and support for yourself and the family member are a real challenge. It took 12 years to get this diagnosed accurately but even then his therapist's issues are being countertransferred far too much . . . .and we're still working through meds, etc.. You are a very strong person. No question. You have a lot more serenity about this than I do. I'm glad you found a good support network. You mentioned you were (for a while) in LA? Can I ask where? We are in Long Beach. Were you able to find much support in LA?

and I'll do my best to give you the resources I know of.

:hug:

I'm so sorry. And you're right about the strains of depression eating up relationships and stealing money from the poor.

It's why we need national health care.

But I think the name 'mental illness' implies something evil when it's no different from high cholesteral or anemia. We need to make sure people know it's not any different or any reason to judge them.

My best wishes for you.

with mental illness every day.

Let's see how we do. :)

I can relate in some ways...

:hug:

We will make it okay. I am concerned for our families who are every day turned away fron getting the smidge of care they need to make life possible.

to see this for what it is and not take it as a personal rejection. Best of luck with those critters from a fellow animal lover (2 horses, 3 dogs, 5 cats).

:)

:hug:

It's so strange here on DU -- sometimes we all feel like family and that we know each other, yet often we know absolutely nothing about each other's lives and it's so sad when we find out about a fellow DUer having problems.

I know this must be a very difficult time for you, and I hope everything works out once you get through it.

Thank you, Sharon. :hug:

And you're welcome!

:hug:

The human mind is so complex, and sometimes so delicate. Hang in there. We're all hoping for a good resolution for you. :hug:

and emphatically state that mental illness is the cruelest of all. There is sometimes no way a damaged brain can be repaired.

I'm so sorry, Beth. If I can help you in any way, PM me.

:grouphug:

you know and I know how many of us deal with it.

It will work out, somehow. But, we need to attend to this. We need not to leave it to other people.

I sure miss Doug but more, I sure hope that where he lands is a good place. And I have no confidence in that. It's hard to see one of your family members out there.

Life is life. Or as my niece says, life is not perfect.

:hug:

:grouphug:

You are brave for posting this. Best to you.

:)

:grouphug:

...and I totally understand.My ex dropped off the face of the earth...left me and the boys not knowing where or what happened to him(he was arrested).It is hard,but it helps to know there are kindred spirits out there.PM me if things get too bad for you...I've got your back.
:hug:
Beth

Ditto and double ditto

:hug:

:hug:

:hug:

unfathomable, yet you understand what happened & most probably why. This sounds so difficult. Any illness changes the dynamics of a relationship, my husband is going through cancer treatment & all the empathy in the world does not equal their experience. Illness of the mind is not so concrete, does not lend itself to pat answers - I feel for you & am sending my best healing thoughts to you.:hug:

:hug:

hugs and wishes and prayer and all the good vibes I can muster are sent your way.

:grouphug:

:hug:

And your soon to be ex should have a long talk with his doctor about his recent behavioral changes.

the doc won't even blink.

But, that's okay. This will work out. We've worked so long and so hard, hard as it feels right now, it will work out.

Thank you.

and incredibly strong. I know you will fine, I pray that your old friend will be properly treated and there will be resolution between you for the best.

Love the cat addiction, by the way. :loveya:

:rofl:

and always keep us laughing while annoying the f out of us. They serve a purpose to keep us grounded. I haven't lacked feline company since I moved out from home 32 years ago. As a matter of fact, I've had cats outlast a husband and a beau or two! My most beloved tuxedo boy had to have a tumor removed in early December which thankfully turned out to be just a fatty tumor. It cost about $700. My friend said "You are too good. I wouldn't have spent the money." She has two Jack Russells and no cats . She doesn't understand the hold a cat can have on a person.

By the way, how long ago did you leave SF?

Thank goodness! lol

after all the damage had been done, the lies told, the divorce inevitable.

If she'd done it sooner, maybe we'd still be married, I dunno.

But hang in there, be well, and let us know how it's going...

we've wrecked everything. :hug:

My best to you, your patience and to today. :toast:

:grouphug:

I hope things get better for you soon. :hug:

I'm okay and appreciate your support.

Every day, I walk my new little puppy, who is not my Buddy, to the ocean and try to just take in the beauty of the water, the birds. A little better every day.

But the main thing is, our families are struggling, with all our might. We could use a hand here. :)

You think you know a person and then he/she leaves when you KNOW they're not sane/balanced/centered.

It's hard to trust anything after that, somehow.

Loyalty, sure, that's hard.

But what do you do when the object of that loyalty disappears beneath you?

I feel for you.
:grouphug:

:cry:

:hug:

:loveya:

:hug:

You must be very patient and kind hearted. I wish you the best and hope that things work out for you.

makes all this infinitely more manageable.

I can't tell you how much it helps.

is a conspiracy to destroy people that are weak by the pharmaceutical companies. Every other advertisement on the boober is for more meds and if you don't need that one they'll dream up something that could be wrong with you to sell you that one. :hug: hang in there. This too shall pass.

:rofl:

:rofl:

:toast:

OK, that doesn't suffice, but....

:pals:

:toast:

:pals:

However, I don't want to derail sfxpat's very important thread.

I hope you will bring this up again, because it needs to be discussed.

:mad:

In a way, I can relate with my daughter. She's 30 now, but she's had major depression throughout her adult life. When she's down, she takes her meds, then gets better, stops her meds. Vicious cycle. It's so difficult to talk to her, her mind is so fragile, anything might set her off. I'm more at peace now, this is her problem to deal with. But being mom, I'm always here, when she gets down, again. Take care, and in a way, it's nice he left the furry pets for you. :hug:

has no awareness of their own situation.

I have the utmost respect for you and for your efforts, DemReadingDU. And I hope you'll post in the mental health forum if you should ever need some support for yourself.

Hey -- staff should have equal access, right?

:hug:

I am so sorry to hear this, Beth. I know from your writing and perseverence that you are a strong woman. I hope that knowing you have many friends at a touch of a keyboard will help you through this difficult time. Peace, my friend.

We keep on, dear mod mom.

PM me if you don't want to post it.

left me nearly speechless. This appears to be another of those times.

What a wonder you are-I have no doubt your powerful approach to life and silky smooth understanding will serve you well yet again and aid you in this crisis.

We all salute you.

"All will be well and all manner of thing will be well."

Which clearly leaves me off the hook. :)

Still.

:hug:

:hug:

;)

I've been reading your posts on this topic for a while and my heart breaks for you and Doug. :hug:

we need to know what we're looking at.

Some of Doug's friends take this as a break up of a romantic relationship.

And I wonder, will they take him in when his roommate gets irritated? He's not a kid. Where do aging, mentally ill, talented people go?

I guess I need to do a lot more work on this, because people are not getting it.

Some of us need support because we have mental health issues. That doesn't make us freaks and it doesn't make our families natural targets. :(

Our "rugged individualism" is killing us, literally.

What "more work" do you need to do?

Seems like it's time for you to have a well-deserved R&R, and let others do "more work"!

People aren't getting A LOT OF THINGS. :banghead: I've never used that emoticon before, but it is the only thing that fits here.

HOW to get people to listen... with their hearts????

Anyway, you are one incredible person, as all the testimony here proves.

:hug:

it is well taken. Believe me.

I also realize you weren't seeking sympathy, but I can't help but feel very sympathetic to your plight.

I would feel the same no matter what the circumstances, but it just so happens your story is eerily similar to my own right down to the seven cats and an old dog. It's 8 + 1 for me.

My thoughts are with you.

to my husband kept looking at me as if to ask, "what the heck is going ON around here?"

That was one of the hardest parts. They're better now. They were really anxious for a while. :(

:hug:

:)

-s

Sharing your experience may make a difference to many who feel alone. Pure humanity at it's finest. Thanks for that.



May we all find peace.

:hug:

:hug:

:hug:

... remember that you are never alone. We are all here with you.

:hug:

... "We won't let go, until you're safe and sound."

:hug:

:hug: :cry: :hug: So, so true.

he's damn cute so somebody will likely take him in. he is adventurous and loves to check out the neighborhood. i feel bad tonight, but i have to say, sister, that hearing what you're going through sure puts things into perspective.

you've done a lot through your time here to teach about mental illness. hope somebody hears something tonight that will make a difference in their own lives. even if it just stirs their compassion for the mentally ill and their families.

god bless...............

Do you live in a place where you can put up flyers? I'm so, so sorry.

((((((sojouner))))))


I still owe you a book. I still have the info and will get on it. You will get a good chuckle, reading the tone and knowing the outcome. That's okay. We do what we can.

plus i've called my animal communicator friend. she's found lots of lost "babies". i'm hoping she'll have a clue 'bout Jack.

in the meantime........

(((((((((( beth )))))))))) .......... wow! look at how those ripples of love spread out to the corners of the universe. amazing!

medical community, but I can't. I'm fighting my own battle for medical care that is being denied. It does seem to break the piggy bank though. I'm glad to hear that your can interact with a doctor who cares. Take care.

has gotten really horrendous NOW. Clinicians do the work of three people AND they are losing support staff every day. Insurance companies -- well, you know.

Good luck, midnight. I hope you get what you need and I hope our Dem Congress restores the care we have lost.

:grouphug:

Prayers and best wishes for your situation. :hug:

Hekate

Hey, I'm in SF too. Please let me know (PM) if there is anything I can do. Anything. Seriously.

incl your animal companions and your oldest friend

from the little you have said it sounds like you are surviving in some of the same ways you did before this traumatic turn happened
you have quite an amazing spirit and heart - i trust that you have someone(s) that you talk to about all that is going on in your life
even very strong people - like you - need a loving shoulder sometimes

your post strikes a chord for me - my dream is to live on an animal sanctuary so i have an especially tender spot for animals while living in the city keeps the dire needs of people squarely in my sights as well

i am sorry for what each of you are enduring
please do let us know how you and your little ones are

When my girl died, I lasted about a week and just couldn't stand this place with no yellow dog. It felt a little crazy to get a puppy when I could still barely force myself to bathe and change my clothes. But, I'll tell you, this little hellion has been so good for me. And she makes people smile every day.

That's pretty cool I think. :)

and as we know they rescue us all the time~

thank you for sharing that beth
i sure am thinking of you

Not only for you, but for your husband, and all who care about him.

I understand very well how those with mental health problems (and you who care for them) can be overlooked. Unfortunately, mental health problems are still greatly stigmatized in this society. People are uncomfortable about them (mostly because they don't understand them), and thus are uncomfortable with those who suffer from them.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope things will work out for you, and that your husband will be eventually be okay.

:hug:

Because there are so, so many families trying to deal with them.

:hug:

/oops

I'm so sorry. Here is a hug for you. :hug: You seems like a strong lady and in the end, you'll make it through,

and hold down the floor, preferably near a sunny window.

lol

:hi:

with you. Your wonderful sense of humor is going to help you through this, you know?

Oh, nuts. I'm crying. :cry: :hug: Sorry about all this.

We'll all be fine. We will. Watch.


But we really need to mind all these families. Because they are barely managing. :shrug:

I have my eyes on them, too. We'll pull thru it, so I'll try not to cry. Your story hits close to the bone for many of us. And it casts humanity onto situations so many are in but so few articulate in the manner you just have.

It shows you have a heart.

Take it from one who is *not* able to cry.

Your tears are a precious gift.

:pals:

This has to have turned your world upside down. I'm so very sorry.
:hug:

But you know, life is more than that.

It's my local elections. It's my local Coalition for the Homeless. It's watching my two sons engage. It's bringing up trees on my defoliated block.

It was bad, is hard -- but, what can we make of it? That's where I'd like to go.

/oops

:)

My gf is severly bi-polar, among other things...I'm with ya :hug:

I know about your situation. I think about you a lot. :pals: :loveya: forever.

seriously...thinking about you bunches tonight...you up? ;)

i wuv you :loveya:

And MAUDLIN! And I have a song I'm playing for broken-heartedness in general.

This is for y'all:

"Put a candle in the window, cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though Im going, going, Ill be coming home soon,
long as I can see the light.

Pack my bag and lets get movin, cause Im bound to drift a while.
When Im gone, gone, you dont have to worry long,
long as I can see the light.

Guess Ive got that old travlin bone, cause this feelin wont leave me alone.
But I wont, wont be losin my way, no, no
long as I can see the light.

Yeah! yeah! yeah! oh, yeah!

Put a candle in the window, cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though Im going, going, Ill be coming home soon,
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light."

-CCR
:hug: :loveya: Lemme know if you have any ideas about crying & drinking over the phone, loviebaby. I'm up for it at this point.

I'm up and about! Phone is on, and I'm here! :bounce:

And I'm drinkin' ;)

*yr number* *once more*? WILL CALL. :D

and waiting :D

other than to tell you that I empathize. I have a daughter that suffered from major depression and I know how hard it is for the care givers. I'm so sorry that you are suffering. :hug:

For some reason, it's so important.

Thank you, cally. :hug:

Sending healing energy your way!

:hug:

I wish you well and for happiness to come a knock, knock, knocking at your door.

:hi:

Just recently, I worked for more than a month on a really hard project at work which pretty much destroyed my emotional stability. Through all of this my wife has stayed by my side. I worry a lot that I'm wearing her out and even though she would not leave, I don't like doing it. Hell, having my mood change multiple times in a minute - from one extreme to the other - wears me out!

So to hear that your husband told you were a horrible person and left is just unbelievable to me. It actually makes me quite angry, even though these things affect people differently. So I'm sorry, and I hope he comes around to appreciating you as he should.

-mwalker

In any partnership, there has to be some kind of recognized balance. It can be asymmetrical but it needs to be there.

Easy to say, hard to do. Well, how do we get to Carnegie Hall?

My best to your family.

So I will say a prayer for you. :hug:

I posted but there are so many families dealing. Please keep them in your thoughts.

:hug:

:grouphug:

you got to roll with the punches and hope to god you stop standing up. you take one day at a time cause there is`t nothing you can do about tomorrow.peace be your friend

Bob and weave, lol.

:hi:

May I give you another persecutive? I had a brother three years younger than me. We were as close as twins, and had gone through an emotionally abusive childhood. He married my sister-in-law in 1967, not long before their daughter was born.

He was always fragile, always in danger of slipping away from us. My sister-in-law kept him going for so many years, but in the end, he had a love affair with a woman much younger than he, a woman who made a great deal of money, and who, in my opinion, was intrigued by the image of my brother as an artist, and thus anti establishment.

Although I could not break a confidence and tell my sister-in-law very much, he was in anguish at his divided feelings. His heart was with my sister-in-law, but the allure of a wealthy, attractive, much younger woman was powerful.

I talked to him several times about his love for his wife and daughter, and his attraction to to this younger woman. He was, as I have said, torn in his feelings. My sister-in-law was the one who truly suffered during this period of their lives. I always credited her with keeping him going as long as she did. She and I are close to this day.

If your husband was that insecure, and unstable, then it might be that the only thing you can do is to remain a friend when...not if, but when...he hits bottom. Regardless of the outcome, you do not need to sacrifice your own happiness, and well being, to someone who has that many problems. I am not trying to come across as cold, or unfeeling, but sometimes, we have to let loose of the ones who push us away.

My words are nothing, but my love, and prayers, are with you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

To know that the med change caused this behavior of rejection towards you.

All the while, you have been the stability.
You, trying to keep the whole thing together, because you care and you love.

And to think that he left while you know full well that he is not fully himself.

What a nightmare.

I am so sorry.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

It felt like nightmare.

But it's no more than many families tilt with every day.

We really need to do better than this. We need to stop building prisons to house mentally ill people and to just deliver some tech and to support some families.

It's a helluva lot more simple than waging fake wars for Halliburton. :(

I know about mental illness all too well...I lost my mother to depression back in the day when there was no medication for it. One thing I've learned through the years, it is through tragedy that your most soulful learning experiences can occur. I'm sending peace and good vibes in your general direction, a few purrs for the kitties, and a belly rub for the Lab. Take care. Oh, and I'm so glad you have a beach to wander. :hug:

And I want to hike that wonderful wish to all the families that are dealing.

:hug:

I don't know what to say other than I'm here for you. :hug: :pals: :loveya: :pals: :hug:

coming your way. :hug: I don't have any words.

We really have to do something for these families because they are sitting ducks.

I'm as you would expect but okay.

:)

In the bay area it can seem kind of isolating when times are dark personally. Deeply sorry for what your experiencing now. just try to get up and move forward and go for walks if you can. Have some tea and treat yourself to a little pampering to nurture yourself.

But let's send a thought out to our bay area families who don't have a bullhorn like me.

They go through so much when all they need is medical care.

We can do better than this.

:hi:

away suddenly and it's been a long, hard 6 years now. She's got a great psychiatrist who has worked with her and wiped out what was practically quarterly suicide attempts to zero in the last 2 yrs. I've seen the effects of many of the drugs they've tried in all combinations over the years. Most made little to no difference.

I hope your best friend wins in his battle with himself and is able to make your lives right again.

If you'd like to talk privately, PM me. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sons and critters.

recommended

do the same?

:hug: to you. And the DU Mental Health forum is a wonderful place.

It took them a full hour and a half to mock you at the other site.

Mental illness does strange things to people. Please try to understand that he probably didn't mean to hurt you, and don't let your own well-being be hurt by all this. Stay strong, you've got us to lean on.

My god, that's the LAST thing I would have come up with upon seeing this thread. Who needs to hear that about the "other site"? Nobody.

lol

We all need to stick together.

spontaneous crap like this might mean a major leap out of the former state to something that may become fruitful and positive. at any rate, i wish you the best and offer a bit of solace: things always work out for the best if you make them work out for the best. for that poor bereft fellow, i hope he knows that at least one person in the world loves him, even if he's mucking up her life.

The mentally ill and their families in this culture are on their own. And that is just wrong.

This has been an extremely turbulent month. We've all had loss and grief. This is terrible for you. But we're all together. We pull each other through these difficult trials. I'm grateful that you posted this. I think it's important that we come together. Be united in our lives.

This month has been so hard for me I can say that I understand. I experienced the first true loss in my life. And bitter disappointment just yesterday. In several ways. Perhaps the worst day of my life.

There is something so painful about these injuries. And yet so very much an integral part of our lives. It seems so unfair.

I can tell that you have what it takes to see this clearly, and to work with it. You are pretty damned amazing. That is, courage and strength. And nonjudgement.

Just remember that from one angle things look horrible. But there are other angles. And other solutions. We all see things from different perspectives. By sharing, we can learn the answers.

I hope you find your way through this.

but I hope to know.


Not today but another day, we can talk about turning what has happened into something we and others can use.

:toast:

:hug:

Just what you need - more upheaval.

I'm so sorry to hear this!

Imagine how many more families will be ripped apart like this - when the mental deterioration and battle-stress sets in with those of our veterans "lucky" enough to survive Iraq. SHEESH. I wonder if people really appreciate how debilitating mental illness is - not just to the patient him/herself, but to all the friends, loved ones, and colleagues in his/her orbit. Heartbreaking all around.

Shit. I'm so sorry... I hope he'll be okay. I hope YOU will be okay, too. Sending my love...

:hug:

I had to threaten to sue Los Angeles County and wave all our stuff to get him any care AT ALL.

Our families are stessed out and tired and we're encouraged to break up even as ws're asked to hold all of this. :shrug:

NOBODY. NOBODY needs such added, unnecessary grief. That's just nuts. You should NOT be up against shit like that, TOO.

Something else intriguing to start making a stink about, methinks... I wouldn't mind a bit - brainstorming about it with you.

But you know, I have a pretty complete day by day record of the whole thing. Enough to scare the pants out of a few clinic administrators and practitioners.

This probably isn't the correct time to mention this, but there is only one politician thus far, that has come out and said he will include mental care in his health care plan. To be covered just like a medical condition. We have to hold their feet to the fire. You should not have had to wave all of your stuff to get him any care at all. That's just plain wrong. Please take care of yourself. People forget that the care takers are in pain too. I too live near the ocean, and a walk along the beach can sometimes help to heal a wounded heart.

Shar

is insane, literally.

We are constantly told we should disband AND we are expected to do most of the real work.

:crazy:

Frankly I'm happy & lucky I never took the pain/arthritis meds doc's offered me...Half of them are proven dangerous now. Mota is my medicine...
Damn sorry to hear that you had to bear this unnecesary pain...I for one believe the medical system needs far more than just an economic overhaul....

my hugs and healing thoughts to the many you have already receieved. We all know how strong you are, but please lean on us when you can.

I care.

:hug:

Victoria

because this is DU.

Thank you, Victoria. Let's please see what we can do for these families.

much gratitude,
Beth

But I would not give them away for anything. As the old cat poster used to say: Hang In There!

who keep me on my toes. :)

I have one of them lives with me. Bossy little person in a furry suit, too.

:hug:

A nuestrss familias. To our families.

:hug: my dear Swampy.

In case white light works, I'm sending you some.

hoping you remain strong...how sad this is...just take one day at a time...
windbreeze

:hug: much love :loveya:

m.

And we keep moving for our people, too.

You know I :loveya:

Hope the thread wasn't a mistake.

And you know I :loveya: and you are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

How could this be a mistake? How can it me a mistake to reach out for some understanding and love, and to ask to be reminded that you are not alone and that folks care?

The mistake would have been to let it eat at you with so many of us out here willing to listen and care. :pals:

More than anything, let's be real.

:hug:

but they can never accuse us of "not being real" - we are too real for our own good. ;)

You know where to find me if you need an ear and a voice of sorta, sometimes, every now and then, of reason. :silly:

:hug:

I just read your post and I wanted to let you know
that I see a woman with tremendous courage and grace.

You have amazing insight.

I know you are hurting right now. I know it must
be so difficult. You will get through this. Please
remember to pay value to yourself. Please remember
how strong, resourceful and clever you are. You have
a very big heart. You are light years ahead of most
human beings on this planet, and that says a lot
about you. You see the big picture, and I think
that's the key to being resilient.

I think you're an "old soul".

I just wanted to share my thoughts and to let you
know that I hope the best for you. If this is
a med-induced reaction--I assume that there is hope
that things could change for the better--as quickly
as they went South. Is that right?

he doesn't know what happened and because he might feel shame about not knowing. There are things that happen for him that he can't know or they would be too terrible.

But, tonight, my main thought is, if I am dealing with this, how many families are?

We have every means to help these families - if we only had the will.

:hug:

...and forgiveness and understanding.

Bless your good, kind heart. :hug:

will bounce love and peace vibes from Sugar Land tonight in your direction.

oxo,
E

:)

:hug:

:hug:

All you can do is what you need to do to take care of yourself.

If you need anything, my phone number is on the back of the New Years card we sent you -- or you can PM me.

Prayers of endurance and strength being sent your way.

Depression runs rampant through my family, and didn't pass over me. I sympathize. :hug:

For what it's worth.

Sorry, Beth.

:hug:

:hug:

You do what you need to do to take care of you. And if that means posting about it here...you know there are a lot of us who will listen and talk to you if you need it.

Our families are only together because of spit and gum -- I know you know that. :hug:

if you don't already have someone who you can really talk to about how all this is making you feel...consider talking to a professional...a counselor or social worker or something like that. Someone who is trained to listen and help you cope with everything. Even just letting it all out with a good friend who will listen and be non-judgemental is good.

I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now. So I worry. I'm a worrier. You know that. :)

And I think it's amazing that with everything happening to you personally...you've can see the big picture, you can tie it all in to the serious deficiencies in how our society deals with mental illness. Wow. :)

how to manage its ending. Isn't that something?

My little support group of Borderline families has been splendid, from the early days when I felt shattered and then to the goofy days where I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. Our families deal with these situations often. (((((Our Families)))))

Thanks, VelmaD. :)

We're here for you; vent, rage, scream, cry...whatever you need to do.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

:hug:

to go moon Junior on the 27th. lol


But, it is true that families dealing with mental health stuff are screwed.


Thank you, my friend.