I have tickets to a Spring Training game. I will have to update

my Will and put my affairs in order. Will I need to arrange a funeral, or will they just have a mass grave? Can I order a death certificate in advance just in case? I could stay home, but then THE TERRORISTS WOULD WIN. So I will go to the game and take my chances like a true American.

Does anyone sell MLB body armor? I am so fucking scared!

First of all IF the terrorists decide to blow up a baseball game on the particular day that you happen to go to a game, would be coincidence enough. The odds against them picking the same day as you are about 40 to one.
Secondly, the terrorists would have to choose between a game in Arizona, and a game in Florida. That right there doubles your chances of survival.
Third, even if the terrorists pick the same state that you're attending a spring training baseball game, the odds are still probably 6 or 7 to 1 against them picking the game you chose to attend.
Fourth, even if the terrorists DO choose the same stadium you are attending, on the same day that you are attending, then you still have to consider which section you are seated in.
Most of the spring training stadiums only have five or six sections, so I figure you are at least five or six times more likely to survive this baseball game.
Multiplying all of these odds together (40 X 2 X 6 or 7 X 5 or 6), leaves you with at least 2880:1 odds of surviving this game.

Just stay away from any games he attends and you'll be fine.

entirely different sections (assuming we can swap our box seat tickets) then the odds of any one of us surviving the game would be 2880 x 4 to 1?

What a relief, I think I will have two hot dogs since I probably will live through the game (seemed a shame to eat if I was just going to die).

Besides, the terrorists will probably do the Yankees game.

If the four of you split up and sit in different sections, then you increase the odds of ONE of you being blown up by 4X. Therefore three of you will definately survive, but the unlucky one will only have 720:1 odds in their favor. Those odds aren't too bad, so even the unlucky one in your party should enjoy the game.