Tactical nuclear weapons approved for American consumers (satire)

Tactical Nuclear Weapons Approved for American Consumers

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
Washington, D.C., October 9, 2021

Marking what may be the final passage in a series of groundbreaking weapons bills, Congress yesterday signed into law the Homeowners Fission Liberty Bill (H.R. 9985: To totally actualize the second amendment rights of all Americans), permitting the legal possession and use of tactical nuclear weapons for hunting and personal protection. While tactical nukes have been previously permitted under certain special conditions, the Homeowners Fission Liberty Bill for the first time extends that right to all American citizens....

"We're obviously delighted with the passage of the Homeowners Fission Liberty Bill," said Lenny Fallaught, press spokesman for Lockheed Martin, a leading manufacturer of tactical nuclear weapons for both the military and consumers. "Not only does it further vindicate the rights of weapons enthusiasts around the nation, it also opens extensive new markets for our products."

Mr. Fallaught said Lockheed Martin hopes to sell up to 100,000 0.01-0.5 kiloton tactical nuclear weapons to American homeowners and hobbyists in the first year following the bill's passage....

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from criminals. "So what if they've got assault rifles? I've got a NUKE."

There goes the neighborhood. Literally.

...People Against the New Independent Century