A Day in the Life of President George W. Bush

6:00AM Wakes up for morning pee

6:07AM Finishes morning pee, goes back to bed

8:00AM Wakes up when Laura sends Dick Cheney in with the cattle prod (she's been up since 6:30)

8:10AM In the shower, singing Louie, Louie into the showerhead, off-key

8:30AM Daily briefing with advisors; Condoleezza Rice slowly sticks her foot up Bush's trouser leg while he discusses pre-emption doctrine and Barry Bonds stats

9:00AM Morning jog; Secret Service agents in tow, pointing subguns at anyone who even remotely looks like Cindy Sheehan

9:30AM Back at White House to greet visiting dignitary from Mongostaniraniqa; garbles the name of nation's newly-installed ruler

10:00AM "XBOX Hour" with Karl Rove

10:15AM "Hey, uh, Rockstar Games? I'm George W. Bush, and I approve of Grand Theft Auto. Uh, could you make a New Orleans version? Yeah, and put some more black people in it. And I want to be able to jump over more ruined houses, too...wha? What do you mean 'negative public image?' Karl, would you talk some sense into these people while I pull out the Halo disc?"

10:30AM Humiliated in live Halo combat by "rleeermeyfan18" of Truth or Consequences, NM, who's all of 14 years old and playing hooky from school

11:00AM Places daily call to Barbara and Jenna - "How's it hanging, girls?"

11:02AM Barbara and Jenna flip the finger at the telephone while still taking to Dad

11:30AM "OK, General, tell me what you need down in Fallujah...uh-huh...uh-huh...uh, General? Don't you tell me how to do my job, Goddammit! I'll tell you what you need in Fallujah - a good kick in the ass! Hey, Dick, that was a good one, wasn't it?" "Hilarious, Mr. President."

11:35AM Morning mail delivery at White House - crate of Xanax and Virginia Slims cigarettes from Canada arrives for Laura; George complains about the shipping cost

12:00PM Lunch at the White House - it's Tex-Mex Day (for the third straight day)

12:30PM Bush in the restroom - he always overdoes it on the salsa

1:00PM Time to take Barney and Miss Beasley for a walk on the White House lawn - the dogs communicate to each other as to when they should leap for George's throat

1:30PM Time for another signing statement for another bill, to which he now adds "Suck it, McCain"

2:00PM Afternoon nap

2:30PM Quick phone call to Condi, kept down to a whisper despite fact that nobody else is in the room

3:00PM Laughs at latest round of anti-war protesters being arrested in front of White House for trespassing

3:02PM Rushes out to White House gate waving unreleased Abu Ghraib pictures at arrested protesters; has to be restrained by Secret Service; Cheney has cattle prod ready

3:30PM Laughs with Rumsfeld as they watch latest video from Operation Swarmer; "Hey, Don, lookit that kid's arm fly up in the air like a retarded buzzard"

4:00PM Photo/video junket with Laura; lots of garden shots posing with Iraqi children whose parents are held at Gitmo

5:00PM Supper time; Ken Mehlman discusses Diebold/ES&S strategies for rigging voting machines for 2006 campaigns while BBQ is served

6:00PM Places quick call to Victoria's Secret to ensure delivery made to "Condolina Wright" at PO Box in Annapolis

6:15PM The work day is over, it's TV night with Laura

10:00PM The Bushes turn in for the night; George "takes" his Ambien, actually stashing it in hem of his pajama cuff

10:30PM Bush tiptoes out of bedroom, eluding Secret Service agents, heads toward Oval Office

10:38PM "Harder, Condi? You want it harder? Who's your Daddy, brown sugar? Who's your Daddy?"

10:39PM Out cold, snoring peacefully on Oval Office desk - Rice calls two trusted Secret Service agents to carry sleeping Bush back to his bedroom

10:50PM Back in bed with Laura; both are snoring peacefully

10:52PM Laura opens one eye - she knows; she always knows - reaches for secret stash of Thorazine, goes back to sleep

Glad you enjoyed it!

:applause:

Thank you!

:thumbsup:

Drug and/or alcohol abuse. When in such a busy schedule does he have the time to snort and tipple?

Otherswise, sounds right on.

What a loser.

(My theory is that he slipped on the soap while dancing to it in the shower -- that's where the infamous "pretzel bruise" came from.)