JOKE: A Vermont Dairy Farmer encounters an RNC consultant

LOL!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

A Vermont dairy farmer was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the farmer. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the farmer says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant for the National Republican Party ." says the farmer.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business........ Now give me back my dog."

:rofl:

I'm going to print it out for my Grandfather who is a Vermont farmer, he will get a huge kick out of this :D

:rofl:!!!

I'm going to giggle for days now. "You don't know anything about my business . .. " Great!

:D

But I re-posted this on another board where a LOT of Bushbots hang out. I need "equal time" when a Kerry/Kennedy joke was posted there today.

Thanks.

I got it in an email so it's fair game- spread it far and wide :)

And if you want to annoy the Bushbots even more, be sure to post this:

http://tvnewslies.org/html/day_in_the_life_of_joe_middle-.html

:evilgrin:

that maybe a bit too much for them to swallow right now. I'm working slowly to bringing them out into the light. It's working though, I got a couple of them to dis-Faux news and get pissed off at Ann Coulter over the past few days.

Ain't progress wonderful!!!!!

with GOP consultand edited in.

you can use lots of professions.

That's a keeper, very funny :rofl:

:rofl: 'give me back my dog' :rofl:


Be The Bu$h Opposition - 24/7

....but the first time I saw that joke, the RNC staffer was a Democratic consultant.

Sorry if it makes it not as funny to me at least. I wonder if the ass who posted it for me to see changed it to fit his own beliefs.

Republican

Democrat

and generic politician

As this was the first time I've seen it.

everyone's email distribution list. ;)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

And even though I've lived in Boston for almost 10 years, I'll ALWAYS be a Vermonter :) (The blue bus in my signature belongs to my 76 year old grandfather- a life long Vermont farmer :D )

...I'm forwarding this now to another dozen people who need a good laugh. :)

:D

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted
a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're 840 feet above sea level.
You are at 31 degrees, 14.29 minutes north latitude, and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes
west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "YOU must be a democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

The balloonist answered, "Everything you told me is technically correct,
but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I am still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "YOU must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going.
You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, then you expect me to solve
your problem. You're in exactly the same situation you were before we met
but, somehow, now it's my fault."

:rofl: