Young Turks: Study Says Romantic Comedies Destroy Relationships

Run time: 02:18 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN0KHzflfZA   Posted on YouTube: December 25, 2008 By YouTube Member: Views on YouTube: 0   Posted on DU: December 27, 2008 By DU Member: CherylK Views on DU: 3129

 
I think there is some truth to this!

:evilfrown:

I don't think Cary Grant, etc. destroys relationships.

(at least for women). Now I AM wishing that I could choose to be gay! :banghead:

That men are learnign about sex from the wrong sources. Rather than learnign form porn, they ought to be learning from romance novels of all things.

The sex in those (while still unrealistic) is a lot more female-centered. If a guy read more romance novels, he'd know how to pleasure a woman and still get pleasure out of it for himself. Definitely better for his sex life.

I am so screwed. :p

But I will not sit by and let somebody denigrate porn, dammit. :) Ok, I will, I guess.

I would have to strongly disagree, the relationship between me and my hand has never been better................. :rofl:

Not for the lack of trying.

Yes, Yes - I comb, I shave, I brush - no dice with the Oprah picky woman that inhabit America today.

I didn't have a hot bod and I had a weight problem......a sweet little daughter. I had a good job as a Nurse and they always seemed more interested in that.

I wasn't looking for Prince Charming and was happy to settle for Prince Adequate but the guys that I dated always seemed to want something else. And it wasn't my imagination either. One of my sister's steadies told her one day that although he loved her-she would have to choose between him or her 5 yo son. And he seriously expected her to give up her son. :wtf:

I finally found a guy that lacked the need to be macho, thought I looked great as I was, and worshiped my daughter. He always asked what he could do to help me. Always tried to involve my daughter in our activities or helped pay for a sitter for alone time. He is not American (Indian) and was just more mature and realistic than most of the American guys I dated.

I don't think women in America are picky-I just don't think they are as inclined to put up with crap these days. They tend to get stuck with the kids so they have been to the puppet show and seen the strings so to speak. Don't think that I am insulting you but there is a lot of crap out there. There are a lot of women out there that can be foolish but women mature at an early age and I wonder if some guys ever do.

I'd keep looking (in different places) but if it happens too frequently-I'd do some soul searching and personal reflection.

Men AND women need to have realistic expectations.

Relationships in real life are not slapstick comedies.

However, guys don't like REAL relationship movies that resemble REAL relationships. The only way a guy will go to a romantic movie is if Hollywood makes it funny, otherwise Hollywood will LOSE money and the movie won't do well. So Hollywood makes ALL romantic movies into slapstick, shallow, stupid movies in which the couple lives laughing ever after.

Therefore, we end up with romantic movies all being slapstick, shallow-ass comedies.

Okay, fine.

The problem with this is that we are all highly influenced by what we watch on TV, movies, etc.

Since all romantic movies are comedies (for $$$$ reasons, as I just stated, or guys just won't go see them), we end up seeing only romantic comedies, AND eventually believing that ALL relationships are somehow supposed to be these shallow, slapstick bs crap things.

Then we're faced with real life and real romance, and when these don't turn out to have this hillarious back-and-forth repartee, these really stupid, shallow situations which are easily fixed, and instead real life turns out to be intense and imperfect, we end up believe our relationships are wrong because they don't resemble those shallow comedies in the movies.

So we kill our relationships.

What movie about real relationships are you talking about? I can think of a few that my wife and i both like that aren't slapstick comedies, but was wondering which movies you were thiking about.

I hated several of the movies these two mentioned in the TYT clip. So, your theory doesn't really work for me. I think there are lots of guys who don't like the silliness of these movies and would happily watch Steven Segall beat someone up before they'd watch The Runaway Bride or the Wedding Planner. (I know i would!)

But, there are movies about PEOPLE that would still be romantic comedies wherein the guy is NOT a buffoon, and the movie is not a cartoonish farce.

What movies were you thinking of that "guys" won't watch. (Not accusing you of anything. I understand the use of generalities!)

over this stuff I am so glad I am not subjected to romantic comedies. It might very well ruin relationships but I will never find out.

anymore. It seems to me that the stuff that hollywood is producing these days is particularly bad. Once in while I'll go into the video store and look for something and more often than not I'm so disgusted by the rows and rows of violent, gory low-budget stuff that I leave without getting anything. Mostly I get foreign films these days.

One example of a serious romance that I watched awhile back is Charlotte Grey. It's basically a romance set in WWII among the French resistance. It was an entertaining movie, but I'd still categorize it as escapist romance.

note to self... No more pie in the face on first date and leave the seltzer bottle at home.

movies end with guy gets girl, girl gets guy, etc.

relationships really start there. No one makes movies about the work it takes to be in a longterm relationship and so not only are there unrealistic expectations, but no models on which to base a marriage.

the simply idea that people grow and change and that is normal and a good thing but requires work to adjust and tolerate and accommodate is beyond the movie-makers' abilities.

usually, anytime a long-term lover is deemed to have "changed", the answer is simply to end the relationship. as if a stagnant relationship should be the norm or the ideal.

i know because my first wife was heavily involved in the study of it. the romance myth helps explain why 11 year old girls are every bit as interested in and as good at math as 11 year old boys, but score much lower on both counts by the time they're 13. by then, their expectations have already been acquired by from a culture deeply invested in the romance myth, and the female role is to be pretty, charming, attractive, and if anything, a bit helpless and ditzy. if anyone is to be smart, it's the man.

those vapid romance novels, whose readership is probably 99.9% female, are huge offenders as well. they stick very closely to a small number of classic romantic storylines, changing only the venues and characters and time periods. the few plots remain the same, with extremely rare exceptions (usually met with angry letters from readers).

the idea that the initial lust and passion and the thrill of discovery only lasts a short time doesn't play well in the movies.
the idea that communication is actually REALLY, REALLY hard doesn't play well in the movies.
the idea that you can spell something out seemingly very explicitly and yet still not get through to an otherwise reasonable partner doesn't play well in the movies.

the fact is that movies, books, tv, etc. are all just stories, and real-world long-term relationships can't be summed up adequately in short stories. so there are inevitable simplifications, and the standard ways of simplifying is to focus on the initial part, which is not at all conducive for teaching people how to behave with an eye toward the success of a long-term relationship.

...esp long-term relationships).

I had no idea. Humph.

TV in general destroys your mind which in turn destroys everything else including relationships.....not all TV...i have to have my Christine Amanpour. i think the rise of indie-media is great and that will replace the crap-in-the-box we are subjected to.

:nuke:

:kick:

by Samuel Johnson.

I've been with my wife for 17 years and I can't say a romantic comedy has lead to disagreements. Then again my wife is a pragmatist, and doesn't fall for much. Perhaps I just don't connect with the medium.

I do have to admit music touches me profoundly. If people can get something out of movie to enrich their lives, or any piece of art for that matter, great. But expecting a real person to behave the way someone pretended to in a movie is unrealistic and setting oneself up for trouble imo.

Like Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead sang in "Scarlet Begonias;"

'Well, I aint always right but I've never been wrong.
Seldom turns out the way it does in a song.
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right.'

I just stared at it and said, "Why can't YOU render like that?"