I saw a man beating his child -- I followed him and gave him hell.

Hello everyone,

I saw a man 5'11" repeatedly whacking (not slapping) a little girl who was with him. She was definitely 2 or younger. He was in a parking lot across the street from me. I was so affected by this, I intentionally blew a red (looked both ways twice) and tracked him down. I got out of my car, and just lost it. I screamed at him (and I think I traumatized the little girl): "you do not beat children, look how big you are, look how little she is" ... "but m'am, I was just spanking her" ... "no you weren't I saw your hand way above your head come down multiple times" and on it went. I begged him to stop being violent, that we don't need any more violence in our midst.

Wanted to share .. in hindsight I wish I handn't raise my voice.

Peace.

after which, he'd be forced to take anger management classes, etc. (at least, that's how it goes here in California).

Of course, he's just raising another child beater, passing on the hate and self-loathing, etc...

I was beaten in public and private all my childhood and NOBODY hits my girl - especially ME! I put the family (both sides) on notice while carrying her that they should mind the fact that hitting my child was forbidden and they would deal with me, until she was big enough to deal with them herself. And if they were offended by her hitting them back for any blows received not to call me whining about it.
I also pointed out that since I was already 6 feet at 12, she'd probably be that or better so they'd be wise to take into account that teaching her that big people have the right to beat little people would come back to bite them in the ass.
If I feel the need to ever raise my hand to a family member I've gotta long drive to AL ahead of me, because I'm going back to the source not passing it on. This stops with me.
At 13, my girl has never been hit.

Not everyone becomes a beater. OTOH, as a fellow beaten child, I did have trouble as an adult with other people abusing me, not physically but emotionally. It took me much time and even more therapy to refuse to continue to be abused. So, we often don't come out totally okay but thank goodness many of us don't become the abusers.

It takes work to deal with all the abuse we suffered, but it's worth it.

:hug:

to do it. Unfortunately, though, statistics show that most child beaters were themselves beaten as kids. Not everyone -- by a long shot -- is as strong as you...

You are right of course ... it was after a *very* long day and at first I couldn't find him in the parking lot and then got out of my car. He was moving away from me. Things were moving very fast. Probably my subconscious knowledge (based on experience) that they wouldn't come rushing for this incident, but I could be wrong. Sigh.

in the mail for running the red light.

It will be interesting to contest this but if I do have to pay a fine, small price.

there's some bad luck involved.

:applause: :applause:

it takes a lot of courage to step up like that. Hopefully it will inspire others to do the same.

out of him! ;-) :rofl:

giving me "The Belt."

How times change.

How nostalgic..... Not!

that memory!

I'd never do that to my kid, but our thinking is totally different now.

I love my Dad. He was doing what he thought was right.

but you were absolutely correct in admonishing the cretin.

Hubby gets mad with me but I always get involved when I see adults hitting little children.

I want to say that what you did was heroic. I know it isn't that. But what you did may very well have changed the course of a young person's life.

This is what society needs. People who are not afraid to speak up and do what is right.

What you did is a very rare thing. You should be proud as anything.

Edit- And no, you should not have called 911. That wluld have been the last thing you should do. That would have screwed up everything. Cops are not what you want for a situation like that. The guy would have turned into something even worse. That's just my opinion.

a yound person now seems so barbaric to me. I have a 4 year old. Perpetrating physical violence is so repugnant to me. Spare the rod, develop understanding. I think it's more challenging as a parent to have to use your intellect.

I wish people would always report it when they hear/see domestic violence too. I know its not always wise to get involved, especially if you're a neighbor, but by calling the police when something is happening you might also save a life.

they often go together, not always

Maybe being a lot more careful with the domestic stuff. Once I was sunbathing outside in a park and I saw a man hitting a woman in a parked car. It was awful. I recognized them as people from my apartment building. So I went over to a man sitting nearby and asked if he would go talk to them while I calmly walked home and called the police.

So he went over and asked is everything ok and of course the man just said "She's having a bad day". He stalled and suddenly the cops drove up. The abuser never knew who called, and this was long before the days of cell phones. I didn't want the male bystander to get hurt or myself to get hurt.

The thing is, I must have heard this couple fighting ten times before that but I never knew which apartment the noise was coming from and apparently no one else had ever called police. This womans face looked like she had been beaten and she was saying, "I'm having a bad day".

But looking out the window I saw the guy got hauled off at least that once. I hope she got some help.

I've worked as an activist on both issues, and I've never seen the two conflated -- EXCEPT if the children are also at the same time the spouse is being battered. In what universe are what has been described here one and the same with "domestic violence"?

No matter. The very clear connotation, if not denotation (and I believe denotationally as well) is that "domestic violence" is violence between spouses/mates and child abuse is -- child abuse.

If there's a home where the child(ren) are being abused, it's not referred to as domestic violence, it's referred to as CHILD ABUSE. If there's a home in which the spouses are violent withe one another, or one TO another, no one calls it child abuse, even if the children witness the violence.

So, cough up your documentation.

I'll say one more thing: It doesn't help ANYone or any of these problems to conflate them and mislabel them. It DOES help to call child abuse just that and not conflate it with domestic violence between intimiate partners.

child abuse being one form of it. pming you.

You may be technically correct, but I am ADAMANTLY opposed to calling child abuse "domestic violence" unless it occurs absolutely contemporaneously with said domestic violence -- IOW, the man hits the woman and then go hits the kid.

AND, yes -- any child having to witness or just be in any home where domestic violence is also being seriously abused by virtue of that passive act, but I don't know of any children removed from homes because of it.

I was constantly beaten and verbally abused as a child. One thing I can assure you of, you never really get over it.

Thank you for your courage.

This kid is probably 4 years old and hollering. Mother is walking along and in a harsh tone she tells him "I wish you were older so I could smack the beat the hell out of you".

Just lovely...

The woman told her daughter (around 9), "you tell your brother to come out from behind the bushes or I'll smack the hell out of him."

I was so disgusted.

I would definitely do things differently the next time around. I so wanted to take her home with me and just show her love. We have lots of that in my home.

The child would have been better served if she was truly being beaten for you to have called CPS.

I didn't see his car, I didn't have my phone when I got out of my car. I was so shaken by what I saw that I didn't think about the consequences for myself. Not that I'm the most selfless person in the world, it's just that this particular brand of violence resonates with me.

No offense to CPS workers, who often have the most thankless jobs, but if you call CPS instead of the cops, that means the abuser walks.

I'm tired of child-beaters walking, aren't you?

to think of a grown man hitting a 2 year old girl.

This is a symptom of great sickness in our culture. It's no wonder we have no problem starting wars whenever and wherever we please. This is not unrelated.

1-800-4ACHILD

Keep this number for future reference.

:hug:

I wonder whether anyone's ever called him on his behavior before.

As a parent of a strong-willed and very bright three year old I understand parental frustration first-hand.

Context is important here, Given the local. It may well be that the kid wandered beyond arm's length in a parking lot. That is something that is terrifying to parents. Getting spanked in instances like that is completely appropriate and given a circumstance like that the tendency to want to emphasize the point can be extreme.

He might well be a very loving dad who had an adrenalin rush. Unless you are a parent you might not have a full appreciation of what might have come next.

There is something to be said for being genuinely concerned for the well being of a child. and that is laudable. But Getting in someone's face without knowing the circumstances might be a bit...I dunno....inappropriate.

Me. I would have waited for the light to turn. pulled into the parking lot and done a very slow drive-by and not said a word.


Calling 911 I think would be a mistake without knowing more context. This might have been as I suggest and without the cops seeing th context, there might be a) a lawsuit b) DFACS getting involved unnecessarily or something Eliseo that might be unnecessary.

Not saying what you did was completely out of line, just a note that presumption can be a dangerous thing.

Oh if it has been a fist I would have beaten you across the street.

BTW... try spell check. Your post is a nightmare to read.

spell checked (thanks)

From the description of the event in the OP, this was more heavy handed than a spanking. Not being there myself, I cannot validate that this is the case. My personal life experience has never needed the threat or action of physical violence in regards to disciplining children.

My father beat the hell out of me on a regular basis. Was it okay because he was "a parent"?

Julie

because it has an effect on how you perceive the situation.

If you've ever been hit by a parent, you know how it feels, whether or not you have children of your own.

The OP is describing abuse. It's not discipline to hit a two-year-old repeatedly with a hand stretched over one's head. It's abuse.

Julie

so she was at least 50 yards away. ANd again n one knows the context and how the dad generall treats his kid.


Given the unknowns I am inclined to hold the word "abuse" very carefully. A closed fist.. hitting in the face etc is a different matter and is abusive.

I am just saying I would have watched for a minute before I got so directly involved.

The last and only time my son received an actual spanking was in a parking lot when he ran out into the middle of an aisle and almost got hit by a car. He was completely oblivious to the danger that he was in and ran back to my husband and I laughing. He got about 4 or so swats to the bottom before we got back in the car and my husband didn't care who was watching. We haven't had a problem since with him breaking away from us and running out into the parking lot.

Of course, I can't really judge the OP's actions because I didn't see what she saw but to see one spanking and cry "abuse" is a bit presumptious in my book.

A slap in the face (or a beating to the face)...(which the OP is describing) is an ENTIRELY different 'animal' than a 'few swaps to the bottom'.

repeatedly whacking (not slapping)

We could mince words all night long, but I think we can all agree that there are parents out there, who are abusive to their children. (and this example is one). Face it.

I will not pretend to know the context. I am just not prepared to call this dad an abuser. It the guy is hitting a child any where other than the butt or punching I am going to call 911 and put myself in the middle of it...but if the kid is being spanked. I am going to watch before getting involved.


four or five spanks might be completely understandable and perhaps appropriate if the kid ran out into traffic.

The store clerks did that when my Mother was slapping me, screaming and spitting in my face. There's not a store in my hometown that I wasn't beaten in while the clerks and other shoppers found something else to do. When my Father did it people actually cleared the area so as not to draw his attention to them.

Silence = consent when watching an abuser at work.



And, I am a parent. And I was a nanny for 14 kids of different ages before I had my own daughter. I've NEVER raised a hand to a child. I don't rely on force when I have intellect and life experience.

Thank you for stepping in like you did. Great big :hug:

A family tradition
The strength of this land
Where whats right and wrong
Is the back of a hand
Turns girls into women
A boy to a man
The rights of the children
Have nowhere to stand.

k.d. lang

Been there, done that. It's what it takes to raise awareness. Slowly but surely --

,...as in, "STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!!! STOP IT!!!"

I never get in the middle of it,....but, my objections always end the violence, at that time. I accept my objection doesn't end it, entirely. But, I'll always protest violence.

I would have done, or been strongly tempted to do, the same thing as you did, but I read that if you are dealing with an angry person with so little self control, and you tell them off in front of the child, the offender may become more angry and take it out on the child after you are out of sight... just something to think about (though unpleasant, for sure).

....and they're gonna REMEMBER that there's something out there that is 'normal'.....b/c what abused kids know is 'not normal'.

Speaking as a 'Survivor' of Sorts,
M_Y_H (*thanks* MOM/DAD~you were abused too~you passed it on well~ meaning you abused ME....I hope, have tried 'very diligently' not to pass it on to 'the next generation' - MY children - who you don't even give a shit about)

as sweet as pie to everyone outside our home. She saved all her abusive insanity for her kids. So I grew up not knowing whether this happened to all kids or whether we were just "lucky." I can't tell you the number of times people from our church would tell me how lucky I was to have such a nice lady for a mom. When you're little that really fucks you up.

What you did was very brave and may very well have changed that baby's life forever. :hug:

Thank you!

take a pad and a pen and write down the tag information as well as the vehicle info and a description of the people involved.

When you confront them, show them what you've written down. Tell them that you're taking all of that info to the folks in charge of child protection.

Make 'em sweat. Then do it.

i don't understand the story, either you thought the child was really being beaten (in which case you should have phoned the cops immediately) or you didn't (in which case you should MYOB)

if you think someone is a violent psycho you don't go up and hold a conversation w. them, good way to get yourself shot one of these days

no place for that type behaviour in a civilized society . . . or any society for that matter

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confronting a person opens you up to violence yourself. That person could have done anything.

The police take this stuff seriously.

just my 2 cents.

I went out and loudly advised her that I was calling the police and that my neighbors and I would do that every time we saw a child being abused.

I'm not down with kids getting beaten. :(

and area.

:cry: