Alas the promised all-rimshot Lionel show did not materialize, so I had to listen to His Whineness once again.
Have fun reading, but also make sure to visit
Lionel's blog where you can select "Retard Voting Rights" as your very favorite segment of This Week In Lionel.
What we learned on today's Lionel Show:- If you don't prepare adequately (or at all) for a radio show, that means you're "wacky".
- Lionel doesn't want people to call up and "throw the subject matter off".
- Today is Day 4 of the great Thread/Blog/Spot/Post debate.
- 3545 dead in the Iraq war -- every day is memorial day on The Lionel Show.
- Unless it cuts into gay hand time.
- By the way, did you know your hand could be gay? (yeah, he followed the count of war dead with the gay hand thing)
- Lionel's rehash of the 10-year-old gay hand thing had "everybody walking around, staring at their hands like it was a religious experience."
- OK, maybe that was just Lionel and his crew.
- But the pictures are still up on the blog so you can check!
- Yesterday's show was "timeless".
- This one time, some woman was really really drunk.
- Lionel doesn't know what to do with that.
- Lionel's favorite crime is armed robbery.
- Some stoned guy did something dumb.
- If the vote had been counted, perhaps Al Gore would be president.
- That might have resulted in the country going down a different path.
- The supreme court had a lot to do with this.
- If you mention these things to Lionel, he "has no idea what you're talking about."
- Lionel doesn't want to be rude.
- The supreme court decided passengers in cars have legal standing.
- This. Is. Big!
- Much bigger than any other recent supreme court ruling.
- But not so big that Lionel will provide us with any pertinent details.
- Brian really likes Lionel.
- Hi, My name is "moiety" and I'll be the first word Lionel will be misusing today.
- The only way to know if Lionel dislikes something is to listen for the cricket noise.
- You will also hear this if something on his show "really stinks".
- That constant cricket noise must play at a pitch higher than I can hear.
- "Hey, why not blog versus...finding a friend?"
- Glen Beck is the "Niels Bohr of stupid".
- Lionel doesn't like it when people with accents call his show.
- Lionel doesn't like to make fun of people with accents because... (ready for this?) they often speak another language.
- Lionel hopes that by saying this you'll forget the part where he just made fun of a woman because of her accent.
- "This is gonna be a looong day."
- Marijuana suppositories are ridiculous.
- Lionel read a book on pot once.
- William Randolph Hearst and Dupont were instrumental in making marijuana illegal.
- The above factoid is the single most informative thing I've heard in four days of listening to The Lionel Show.
- "Marijuana...Mexicans...got it?" (This one? Not so much.)
- George Bush could shoot and kill Laura on TV without being arrested.
- Lionel likes this.
- Lionel did a google over the break, which is why he suddenly has tons of information on cannabis-related web sites.
- Next week: a segment on marijuana lifted in its entirety from one of these sites.
- Playing boring calls from drunk people with the Benny Hill Theme in the background is HI-larious.
- The name "Bob" is a palindrome.
- Yep, Word of the Day Toilet Paper pointing right at "moiety" today.
- Lionel thinks that ridiculing black children's funny names makes him seem hip and not the least bit racist.
- But pulling his examples from commonly known racist tropes just might.
- Also, if you call them funny "urban" names, no one will figure out that you're talking about black people.
- Listing many uncommon names in a row makes for some great radio.
- Irish and Sicilian people also have funny names. But less so than black people.
- Coming back from a break still talking about funny names is a great way to hold your audience.
- Soap opera characters and pole dancers also have some funny names.
- Mark Green's secret plan for Air America resurgence? Funny names.
- "Hue" is also a funny name.
- Damn, I miss the gay hand bit.
- Lionel actually believes that none of us have heard the "Placenta", "Shi-thead" and "Vagina" name stories.
- Heheh - black people are funny cuz they're dumb.
- Tip for Radio Professionals: when you tease a guest's appearance for almost a full week, make sure you give them no more than three minutes to speak before you cut them off and move on.
- When an interview goes badly, it is hardly ever due to the poor interviewing skills or lack of preparation of the host.
- You know what would also be a bad name for a black kid? Jim Crow. (Yeah, he really went there.)
- Taking calls from crazy-ass whack jobs and making fun of them is also great radio.
- Blogging is for people who are shut-ins, not allowed to drive or are phobic about human interaction.
- But calling Lionel's Drunk Dial Line means you're really really cool -- let's hear some more!
- You know what else is a funny name? Mo!
- Mo with the funny name hated Lionel at first, but now he likes the honest way he deals with "guests who suck".
- Lionel's show can be played "in any order on any station at any time."
- Sadly, he's not taking suggestions on this.
- Blacks also don't pay their child support. Funny!
- No Lionel Show is so jam-packed with sick racial stereotypes that is doesn't have room for More Words that Lionel Doesn't Understand. This time we get "bowdlerize" and "emend" used as synonyms for "delete".
- Huhuh -- a gay guy said "hard".
- Knowing those gay guys, they're probably into ripping each other's testicles off. (I shit you not)
- Asking "what's gotten into me" is also a funny gay pun.
- You know, you can never get enough drunk dialing in one show.
- Lionel thinks coconut and palm oils are trans-fats (they're not).
- Gay males tend to be in relationships with other men.
- Gay guys have really good taste. This may be somewhat stereotypical.
- Not all gay men are talented, but there are a lot of them in the fashion industry.
- Luckily, they don't have many funny names.
- Ah, quadrisexual joke! How I've missed you.
- Crazy people are almost as fun to ridicule as 'tards.
- When you get a young female caller, make sure the first thing you ask her is whether (or not) she's ever seen a grown man naked.
- For some reason, when people mention same-sex weddings, Lionel thinks of anal cleansing pads.
- "Sue ya" kinda made me chuckle today.
- I'm lying, it still sucks ass.
What we didn't learn on today's Lionel Show:What animal noise Lionel makes when he likes something.Whether Lionel is the Paul Dirac or the Louis de Broglie of annoying.Dick Cheney may have done something that a progressive radio audience might be interested in.
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