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Dear Free Speech Salespeople,
Over the years whenever people have tried to reform our campaign finance system to get big money out of politics you have boldly stood up and said that if we limited wealthy donors abilities to write checks we would be limiting free speech.
Strangely enough I had always believed that free speech was, well free. You have set me straight however, now because of you I know that free speech depends on the ability to write a really big check.
Unfortunately however I have a hard time finding out how much you charge for free speech, so I was wondering if you could give me some rates.
Do you charge by the word, or do you have another method of figuring out how much it costs to be taken seriously? I know that Republican game show host Pat Sajak is on your side on this, so I thought maybe you would use his policy of only charging for vowels. I mean just think, if you charged just $100 per vowel it would only cost me $3900 to get you to take this sentence seriously, what a bargain.
Do you charge more for some words and phrases than you do for others? What is the going rate for me to say something like, oh lets say "please send more money to Halliburton"? What about "we need to cut back on environmental regulations"? "Liberate Iraq and protect the oil fields"?
Please let me know what the cost of something that you say is free is. I look forward to your prompt reply.
Sincerely, A Citizen
(I intend on sending this letter to several politicians, if any DUers are interested in the rates charged by any individual person let me know and I will consider sending the letter to them.)
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