Murder On Sesame Street

Once upon a time there was a land called Sesame Street. This was an idealist land where everyone got along and lived happily ever after.

The leading citizen of Sesame Street was a cool frog named Kermit. Kermit had friends all around the pond and lived a carefree comfortable life; he especially enjoyed it when his girlfriend Miss Piggy shared her piece of bacon with him. He was a very satisfied, happy and complacent frog.

One day a slimy slug crawled out from under a Bush. This Slug was named Dick Baldy and he thought Sesame Street was the best place ever. He and his girlfriend Condi Lice figured out that they could become rich if they could persuade the folks on the other side of the pond to live like them. But the people on the other side of the pond wanted nothing to do with Sesame Street’s way of life and besides bacon was sinful.

Dick and Condi invited all the local business men to secretly give them advice. A plan was developed to surprise the bacon haters by jumping over the pond. Once on the other side of the pond they believed the average bacon hater would love them & start making the bacon with them.

At that very moment, happy-go-lucky Kermit came hip-hopping down the road; he had just shared another piece of Miss Piggy’s juicy bacon and was happy to stop and listen to the star-crossed slug and his louse. They told him their plan to get rich and he replied, “Live and let live; I am happy on my side of the pond” and then he hopped on down the road.

This was not good enough for the two lovers; they knew what was best for all the creatures living around the pond. They told the local business leaders, “Lets take Kermit and throw him in a pot of water and cook him; we can then use his frog legs to jump over the pond.”

It just happened that the next day Kermit was hip-hopping along again. They grabbed him and threw him in a pot of warm water, but old Kermit hopped right out because he was no fool and he knew that if he stayed in warm water he would be cooked. He quickly hopped on down the road.

The next week he was again hip-hopping along and Dick and Condi told him they were sorry for last week and that he looked hot and dirty, so why not climb in their pot of nice cool water and clean up and they would give him a new uniform of clothes to wear as an apology. Kermit thought this is a great idea; Miss Piggy will probably give him more bacon if he was all spiffed up & in a new uniform. While Dick and Condi engaged Kermit in a witty conversation, Dick’s old buddy, Rum Smells, slowly began turning up the heat. Kermit never noticed the slow clever buildup of heat. Before Kermit knew it, he was boiled alive. His legs were amputated and Dick and Condi jumped over the pond to find their wealth and fame.

My Fellow Americans, we are a nation of Kermits; we are being boiled alive in Dick Cheney’s quest for fame and fortune - can we still jump out of the pot or are we too complacent to save ourselves?