The End of Thinking

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," She said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, and her lower lip began to aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors, they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's", the week before, it was "Animal House". Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I made the final step. I registered to vote as a Republican.

PB

I think I best go "join" him after such a good read! :P :evilgrin:

This is the best thing I have ever read on DU.

What a creative person you are! I thoroughly enjoyed it...

so much so, that I'm afraid I'll think about it and then think some more..

uh oh

Link: http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/door.html

Enjoy!!!

:hi:

:hi:

:applause:

:headbang:

You're thinking too much...:headbang:

I'm thinking of joining a program and everything.

Rec!

if you are just collecting information. You need to actually put it to work, for it to be of value.

Just my 2 cents.

absolutely fantastic post ... thanks so much ...

K & R!

please make a video of this and post it on youtube so I can watch it. Thanks.

:spray:

Thanx for the funny, creative post.

because there is no thinking involved at all. Just let Faux News and the "leaders" of the party dictate how you don't think.

...i'm not talking about the delivery service.

Then you must recognize you're powerless to stop thinking on your own, and that only the Higher Murdoch can remove your problem thinking.

The next step is of course to immerse yourself in Faux News to the exclusion of all other media exposure except of course, for a heavy dollop of Rush Limbaugh. Allow the nonthinkers' propaganda to flow over around and through you, saturating your every thought, killing thinking brain cells instantly on contact.

When you're ready to take that step and register as a Republican, you will surely be in a state of bliss, knowing you're effectively brain dead for the rest of your days.

Proud to K+R

Because it reminds me of James r Lileks.

watch Dubya on the teevee for a few minutes!

:rofl: :D

that's guaranteed to know 20 point off your IQ :)

:rofl:

Still giggling over this. Thanks for the laugh.

and indeed I don't make any money!

"It is serious," she said, and her lower lip began to aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

Or are you just one of those type who THINKS that $60,000 a year is 'no money'?

Because I am thinking that if I knew how much they made, I would have stayed in graduate school.

Reminds me of a poster I have hanging by my desk - "Great Minds Like a Think". :)

(No, I don't want to yet.)

Or is it forget to think?

See? It's working already!

I've always been wondering if there was a name for my problem.

I can think...

It was quite a serious problem.

:spray: :rofl:

Damn you, helderheid!!!

:toast: MKJ

I myself don't have a thinking problem. I can control it...