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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 08:51 AM
Original message
Enemy Women: Left Behind
Enemy Women, Part 1: Left Behind

When I was discharged from the army, one of the many things I was relieved about was that I would never again, as the lone female in my unit, have to share transportation with the rest of the guys when we were on travel. I would never again have to listen to Howard Stern on the way to work. I wouldn’t have to sit, leaning against the back window staring into space, while the men bonded over classic commentary like this:

I just wanna take that piece of ass body, put tape over her mouth, and do things to her. . And then like, I reach in, I yank out her vocal cords and then she just orally satisfies me by the pool. Oh, she’s totally a mute Kim. And she’s totally nude. . And then I break her legs and position them in the back of her head so that she’s sitting, and they’re permanently fixed like that.

I would never again end up standing in a crowd, waiting for them to give me a ride home, while women line up to have cold water dumped on their tee-shirts, and my co-workers line up to help rate them.

As a woman in the army, I learned not to complain about those things. I watched as a civilian woman was denied a job interview in our office, because the LTC in charge checked her personnel files and found out she’d filed an EEO complaint once. He wanted people that could work as part of a team, not trouble-makers. I nodded in sympathy when he explained this. I could have spoken up; I could have made a stand and any of those particular things would have been dealt with. But I also knew if I did that, the attention would be directed at me instead of those other women. Men have a way of knowing how to yank out a woman’s vocal cords without ever having to touch her.

Interaction and Inaction

Not so long ago, there was a blog post circulating around the internet, which began:

Memorandum for Record: Military Spending Concerns
FROM: SPC Freeman, Milo; US Army, Iraq
TO: Senate Democrats, Republicans, and “American Idol” viewers across the nation.

1. You. Punk. Ass. Pantywaisted. Bitches.


It continued on with a fine anti-war rant intermingled with a bunch of stupidity about congress finding their testicles. It traveled around various lefty sites, and landed in an anti-war forum that I visit. An equally irate rant appeared from my keyboard echoing the language in the original essay, beginning with:

At the risk of pissing off every member of the peace movement, who apparently are all unanimously embracing this post at the moment, let me just say that as a “pantywaisted bitch” who has been searching for my testicles for decades now without any luck, I am not going to be following suit here …

One of the responses, from an anti-war activist whom I personally know:

Audrey, and all feminists who would wish to have everyone be politically correct when voicing their opinions on (this) group. Get a fucking grip! This isn’t about you! or your pantywaistes. Your acting like little bitches! . In fact to see (it) on this group makes me want to puke. .So stop being a pantywaiste bitch and get over it.

...


Continued at: http://stangoff.com/?p=523

This grew out of a post I originally made here, http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1002424">How Women Activists Are Silenced, so there's some repetition of themes. The comments I quote, with the exception of the Stern comments, all occurred in June, after I posted the initial rant.
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musette_sf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 10:07 AM
Response to Original message
1. K&R n/t
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bunkerbuster1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 10:09 AM
Response to Original message
2. K&R'd, although this is painful to read.
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #2
4. Thanks
I opted not to include a few of the more explicit comments I got last month.
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bunkerbuster1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 11:29 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. I assume you've been reading Doonesbury this week?
Edited on Wed Jul-18-07 11:33 AM by bunkerbuster1
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 11:44 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. Thank you for posting the link
Edited on Wed Jul-18-07 11:44 AM by lwfern
That page seems to be intermittent at the moment - it took a long time for your image to appear, but I'll check back there later today for more of the series.

The deal with the LTC was very odd, because he was looking for my sympathy and understanding regarding his status as a potential victim of false and unjust allegations of discrimination - as he was actively discriminating against a woman. Anyway, it was an effective way to send the message to me that if I filed en EEO complaint (in regards to his actions there, for instance), I would be perceived as a trouble maker and would get marked as unhirable/unpromotable.
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glitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 11:15 AM
Response to Original message
3. God how ugly. K & R nt
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donsu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 11:41 AM
Response to Original message
6. as that most excellent writer, Joyce Carol Oates has one of her male characters say


in the novel, What I Lived For

"Do women suspect, Corky wonders. What utter pigs, what filth we are. Do they have a clue."



we have a clue
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hfojvt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 12:45 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. that character needs to speak for himself
I am not a pig, unless by pig, you mean "an animal known for its value, intelligence, courage, self-reliance, kindly disposition, loyalty, and (if allowed to follow its natural bent) cleanliness,"
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 12:57 PM
Response to Reply #6
10. De Clarke read my first draft
and suggested a rewrite, because in the original version, in the last section with the buckets, I identified myself with the left, holding the buckets also, and it left her thinking that Stan had maybe written that portion, that it was a combined essay between the two of us or something. So I rewrote it, using "we" to refer only to women, not to the left, as a pronoun.

But I also was careful, in that last section, to make sure I referenced those buckets as something "the left" carries, not just "men on the left" because it is a universal thing. Women do it, too, and I very deliberately did not write a free-pass for them into this. We all, myself included, have run-off from the culture we're in. It's silly to pretend we don't hold any judgmental views at all on how people are supposed to look or act, based on gender.
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hfojvt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 12:57 PM
Response to Original message
9. I think I try or I mean to try
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 01:10 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. That was a post to be proud of.
All those "like a girl" comments damage girls' perceptions of themselves, and influence how others treat them. It's a bad thing to perpetuate.

I remember reading an article a while back about "throwing like a girl." It was making the point that boys and girls alike often start out throwing in inefficient ways. But what happens is that with boys, people coach them with specifics so they can improve their form, because it's part of "boy culture." Girls, on the other hand, are often told "you throw like a girl" and they're dismissed.

“It's what everybody knows the problem as,” says Dr. Harding, a former Reds team physician. “I always couch the term very, very carefully when I'm talking about it because it offends children very much — little boys and little girls. I don't say "you throw like a girl.' ”


http://www.enquirer.com/editions/1999/04/14/loc_it_hurts_to_throw.html

(he's got the specifics on his website - those of you that can't throw a ball properly should try this as homework!)
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 03:18 PM
Response to Original message
12. ...egh. And that's the "PG" version of how women in the military are treated. nt
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 05:40 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. Yep.
I didn't bother including it because I talked about it in a comment way back on that blog already, but I was assigned a target designation number by the guys at one point, so they could alert each other and train the infrared sensors on me when I walked in front of the trailer. *joy*

And there were entire buildings I was warned just not to even bother going in, because I'd get harassed/groped/assaulted.

I was one of the lucky ones, though, so all that's not something I normally would complain about, it's just kind of accepted as the norm. I included it here to sort of make the point that I thought I was through with that culture of assumed male superiority when I quit working for the army. I am still kind of adjusting to the notion that I was wrong on that.
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Reader Rabbit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
14. My rec is only the 12th? That's a crime!
Brilliant piece of writing!

Do you have any idea if this type of misogyny is more prevalent in America? Or is it a common male attitude worldwide?

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annabanana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 06:18 PM
Response to Original message
15. Painfully well written.
I suspect that the women of DU understand, as do, perhaps, most of the men.
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Ms. Clio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-18-07 06:18 PM
Response to Original message
16. that's some sick shit right there
"And then I break her legs and position them in the back of her head so that she’s sitting, and they’re permanently fixed like that."

k&r
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 12:36 PM
Response to Reply #16
23. That's a direct Howard Stern quote.
And people on the left love him.

"Howard Stern in the morning, and TDS at night. perfect bookends to the day."

-- from another DU post. Not linking it, because it's not my intent to call that person out as an individual at all, just pointing out that as long as the speaker is bashing republicans, many people on the left don't have any problem whatsoever with the most god awful violent hate speech. (So long as it's directed at the right sort of people - i.e. women.)
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Ms. Clio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 12:18 AM
Response to Original message
17. threadkiller kick
sorry bout that.
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Karenina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 05:06 AM
Response to Original message
18. K&R!!!
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Katherine Brengle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 08:38 AM
Response to Original message
19. k&r
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Katherine Brengle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 08:43 AM
Response to Original message
20. Quote from the blog:
The argument goes something like this: “I’m not offended when someone uses a slur against me based on my identity as a male. So you shouldn’t be offended when I use derogatory language against you as a woman.” In other words, “I’m not offended when you dump water on me; why are you offended when I dump a bucket of water on you, and then deny equal opportunities to you because instead of doing serious work, you’ve been parading about in a wet t-shirt?”

I've never heard a better explanation of this dynamic - so perfectly said.

It is unfortunate that those who should probably be reading this MOST are the ones who will skim the OP and not go on to read the entire thing.
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Karenina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 09:35 AM
Response to Original message
21. BTTT
:kick:
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 11:14 AM
Response to Original message
22. another snip
"If the PC argument doesn’t shut us up, we’re told we’re distracting people from the larger more important mission ahead. They can’t stop being sexist now - there’s a war to be stopped! Treating women as equals rather than as sexualized objects for male gratification, or as metaphors for all that is weak and ineffectual, would divert valuable resources from the anti-war effort. After all war has ended, then the left will address discrimination against women - which they care about, deeply.

If we can’t smile while quietly standing in the puddles they make, if we rebel against our designation as enemy targets, they escalate the hate speech and make it more personal and sexualized until we retreat.
This doesn’t mean they’re misogynistic. They believe in equal rights, and they assure us they don’t need a lecture in how language affects perceptions, or how perceptions affect reality. The left allows us to be equal because they are progressive and open-minded about such things, and they’re even willing to keep treating us as equals, so long as we can show we deserve it - and so long as we don’t ask them to mop up the floor."
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atommom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-19-07 02:10 PM
Response to Original message
24. Powerful piece. Thanks for posting it. nt
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