GRANDPARENTS RAISING GRANDCHILDREN

GRANDPARENTS RAISING GRANDCHILDREN
We're in our second year of raising 5 grandchildren from 17 - 5 and have seen it all. In our state, unless you're a licensed foster parent, the state may provide some funds, but you cannot receive foster parent payment. Let's see, the difference between $150 per child vs $900 per child. But money is not the issue here. We are 65, living on pension and SS disability. We've taken our kids into our home, a single wide mobile home, and we've provided structure, security and lots of love. These are great kids, but all suffer from some type of mental problems due to mom's drug use, including sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect. The oldest has spent almost 4 years in institutions for her "bad" behavior. Of course, Department of Human Services who have custody of the children were unaware of mom's drug habit, didn't realize that "home" was really a crack house, that utilities were shut off, or kids were hungry. The governor of our state finally intervened before the kids were removed temporarily from mom. And now the greatest injustice of all - DHS mission of reuniting the family at whatever cost. And after spending $1,000's on lawyers etc,and even winning the right to intervene through the court, Grandpa and I have no rights again. We are considered babysitters and the department and mom call all the shots and our concerns re the kids go unheard. Is there anyone out there going through this, have you found any advocacy group that can help you? We need some help here - fast.

that is a huge responsibility you have taken on. Have you tried going to your local state legislator and congressperson for help? They might at least be able to direct you to the correct agency or group. It would also help others here if you said what state you are living in so if they knew something they could offer help.

Don't even need an answer from the OP.

Where else?

My husband and I have two adult children who are each single parents and we end up doing a lot more "babysitting" etc. than we excepted. However, both of our kids are employed and good parents. They just need us to be available so they get a bit of down time, which single parents really need. So, I have the greatest admiration for what you and your husband are doing. I can't imagine the stress you must be under. The children are so lucky to have you loving them.


That being said, I would suggest you contact AARP (American Association of Retired People). They have some amazing resourses at their fingertips and may be able to point you in the right direction.


I wish you the best of luck.

Edit to add link: http://www.aarp.org/families/

I am surprised that, under the circumstances, you have not been granted full and irrevocable custody of these children. You will need the parents' permission for that, however. If they balk, I don't know what you can do about it.

As for Dept. of Human Services, they hear your story probably from everybody and cannot be relied upon to trust their judgment on a case-by-case basis. What I mean is that sometimes people lie to keep children away from the parents. even if there is no reason to. Sad, but true.

Your best bet is to go online and search for others in a similar situation. I'm sure there must be an advocacy group somewhere that can offer solid advice.

Good luck, and I hope the children realize how fortunate they are.

edit typo

I can assure you from personal experience that the children WILL thank you someday and be grateful for the love and stability you're providing.

I agree with the poster above that getting full custody is the best option - is there any chance mom might have a lucid moment and sign the paperwork? You might try appealing to whatever maternal instincts she may have left....something like "it would really be great, since we are with the kids all the time, if we could have the power to make emergency medical decisions," something like that. Or maybe AARP could point you toward some low-cost legal advice?

....not a grandchild but a foster baby I've had since she was 3 hours old. (she's a year this month) Her mom relinquished her parental rights and the father fought and won custody. She went with him 2 months ago in spite of a long list of criminal behavior including attempted murder and 3 counts of spousal abuse. Anyway, she came back to me in rough shape: she's been traumatized, starved, left alone for long periods in her crib, bruised and battered from "falling down a flight of stairs" and a diaper rash that would break your heart. She's been left regularly with a convicted child molester and I shudder to think of the possibilities there.
But, get this:
The worker called today to let me know she may be going home in a week!!! I want to board a plane with her right now for Mexico.

Anyway, here in Canada grandparents may take the foster care training known as kinship care. After completion you get the full per diem but even better, you have access to all the services, programs and resources offered by your local agency. Another advantage to becoming a foster parent for your grandchildren is having a standing in the court system. Here in Canada a foster parent has the right to be heard after the children have been placed for 6 months.

Your grandchildren are so lucky to have you.

sadness and grief you will feel if you are forced to relinquish your care of her again not to mention the nightmares that you will have about her health and well-being.

....I'm praying for divine intervention.

like it has a lot of contacts:

http://www.grandparentsasparents.com/


and a support group that may help with contacting the right people:

http://home1.gte.net/res02wo7/

we raised our granddaughter for almost 6 years and later found out in the state of illinois we had more rights than the parents because she lived with us and our address was her legal address. we also could have been taking state and federal tax deductions for those years. there are a lot of groups out there you just have to start looking..google is a great start,state agency for the disabled and seniors,do you have a local senior center? i know what you are feeling so hang in there and start looking for good help..it`s out there...

I understand what you are saying (although I haven't experienced what you're going through I have worked with grandparents who have tried to do what you are doing) and know that it is truly an uphill battle.

DHS often is no help since the belief is that mom & dad will always be better than somebody else. On paper that sounds good (just because grandma & grandpa have more money or own their own home or are still married or one of them stays home all day should they be able to remove the kids from mom & dads house?)but when you get into drug use and abuse shouldn't the child's best interests come into play rather than 'mom & dad are best'?

I have seen several grandparents as parents web sites and support groups, but unfortunately I don't think they will help you any in the end. Where you are I think the best thing to do is try to work with mom to get her to let the kids live with you. It's really the only way I've seen it work.

Good luck :hug:

d.

Has social services suggested that you become licensed as foster parents? If not, check it out. Also, I assume you've applied for Social Security for the minors. Alternatively, if the children have significant emotional problems, I assume there's been a mental health diagnosis, so you should also check out SSI.

And what's with waiting two years to start a re-unitement plan? I thought that was supposed to have been accomplished within 18 months. Aren't there federal standards to that effect?