WE MAY HAVE FOUND MY NIECE!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, thank you for all of your well wishes, prayers and help. You have been a wonderful support group just when I really have needed it.

My sister-in-law got an anonymous message on her cell phone yesterday and it was some rap song singing that "she is gone....she is gone...she is gone...and you're never gonna' see her again."
My sister-in-law called the cops and they were very worried and said they would go over to the Grandmother's house today.

They went to her house and she put them in touch with the boyfriend who put them in touch with my niece. My niece has agreed to meet her mom and my mother-in-law in my mother-in-law's work parking lot. I am holding my breath waiting to see if she appears and they can get her safely back.

That is the good part. Now the bad part: They are afraid she will try to run away from home to be with the boyfriend again and so they are planning to commit her to the mental ward of a hospital. So she claims abuse and they are in denial so they send her to an institution????? I told my mom that my Uncle came onto me and she never believed me. Years later it is still with me and still hurts me. What effect does it have on an abuse victim when you claim abuse and you are the one who is punished? (rhetorical question)

I am so elated that she may be back with our family this very hour and I am so heartbroken. We told the stepfather (the only person who was home) that we would be happy to take her so she would be away from her boyfriend and in a safe place. He screamed at my husband and hung up on him. How can such great news as my niece's safety make me so heartbroken over her situation?????? I'm so sad at what may come next.........

...or whatever you believe in!

I hope her parents listen to her and figure out a way to make this work - I'm sorry this is such a mixed bag for you.

deity is it gets her home safely.

I don't believe that she can be committed without a judge's order.

Which means that, if her parents take that line, she will have to testify in court to show that she is "of sane mind," and she might just need you and other family members who are against the commitment to witness for her.

Terrible that your family even sees that as a solution. It's hell--utter and complete hell--to see someone go through the commitment process.

Check your state laws. I don't know if parents in your state have the right to commit a child without at least a guardian ad litem to represent the minor's interest. If you can openly and vocally advocate for your niece, and against the commitment, I hope you'll do that.

I'll gladly testify on her behalf. I live in NC, does anyone know the laws in this state? I am honestly not usually this 'lazy' but I am emotionally drained from the last few days and now this even has me crying because it is just a crime what they are trying to do to her. I am committed to do whatever it takes to insure her welfare.

Or aren't you in a position to do so? I also wonder if she can ask to have parental rights terminated?

I am so sorry.

my mother came to where I was with the police and she made the mistake of telling them I was 16. No, it was not with a boy. I had a job and a place to stay. They told her as long as I had a place to live, there was nothing they could do. I've been on my own since. You could call the Police department and ask what the law is in your state.

They can't just stick her in an institution if there isn't a reason, this isn't 1950.

Allegations of abuse should be taken seriously - always err on the side of caution.

I hope things get worked out - I know how hard these family drama situations can be.

I honestly have no idea what someone can and can not do. It is hard to err on the side of caution, though, when everyone around you has blinders on.

When I was an abused kid, they sent me to an institution. My dad got to stay home and have a life, a house, a car, freedom. He was the abuser and I got sent away. It sucks but was still better for me than having to be in the home of my abuser. Plus, these days, they won't keep her very long and so she will be back in her abusive stepfather's home soon enough. I find that more worrying and upsetting.
Lee

abused? Is that the reason why she ran away? If your sister-in-law wants to place her in a mental institution, try to get a court appointed lawyer for her. It might air lots of dirty laundry but this child has to be protected and her abuser be held accountable.

The boyfriend's family said she claims to be abused but I am not sure if that is physical or sexual and I have not had a chance to talk to her yet. Even though I have not talked to her, I still believe she has been abused. And, yes, that is the reason the boyfriend's family gave for her running away. I will do what I can although the family is keeping us at a distance - justlike they did when we accused another family member of abuse. For crying out loud, these are kids, stick up for them!

I understand you concerns and wish the best.... Just take things one step at a time. That is the best you can hope for in situations such as these.

to help her. Maybe talk to your S-I-L instead of the step-dad...Is he the one abusing her? I'd take her to the police station so she could file an abuse charge against whoever is abusing her. Don't tell the S-I-L that is the plan, but get the girl away from her abuser!

Just offer your home as a place for her to clear her head or something and immediately get her help.

I'm so glad she's alright!:hug:

You have been here from the start posting and keeping me sane. I wish we could get her away from her family. I fear for tonight. My mother-in-law has talked to us and my niece will be going home with her tonight. My niece has agreed to see her mom tonight. I am fearful the stepfather will show up with the mom and order my niece back to her house. My mother-in-law would stand by and let this happen. I fear for my niece.

I'm so relieved she's been found. I hope your M-I-L can see through the stepfather and do the right thing by defending her granddaughter...her blood and kin.

but worry about the home situation, tremendously. In an earlier thread you described excessive control behavior on the part of the stepfther. I would try NOT to communicate with him at all, and instead speak directly with your sister-in-law. How is your mother-in-law regarding her view of the stepson - is she concerned, or does she take him at face value, and thus take sides with that couple/family? If she is concerned, I would try to mediate conversations about alternatives (such as the neice living with you) to an institutionalization. If she takes sides, I would go to social services and try to get your neices complaints of abuse documented. Getting her into an evaluation situation (per the abuse) would put her in the pipeline for guardian ad litem services. Given their extreme response (institutionalization), she really does need an advocate (legal).

Bless you for all that you are doing to try to help your neice. May she survive and receive the services that may be required to heal from her ordeal(s).

talked with my husband and told him there was no abuse. She explained about three years ago he took a belt to either my niece or her brother and my mother-in-law said, in no uncertain terms, that was inappropriate and only her daughter should punish her own children. I think she was talking more as a therapist (her job) than as someone afraid of abuse. She told my husband that everything has been find ever since.

Let me allow you to see small window into her soul : a few years ago ANOTHER sister-in-law got hooked on crack and we were looking after that one's children. She claimed she was better and took back her kids. She had a relapse and one of her sons got hurt. She locked him in an office building while she went out on a crack run and the boy hit his head against the glass doors until they shattered. He had to get stitches. We got the boys again and the mother-in-law came to us saying her daughter needed the supp rt of her children right now and we should give them back. Yes, the night after this child of about 9 years old bloodied his head, we were asked to give them back BY THE MOTHER-IN-LAW.

We fought the family tooth and nail because that sister was also involved in an abusive relationship but we were the ones who ended up being ostracized rather than admit children in the family were being abused. We didn't go to Christmas gatherings or anything else for a long while. These people know we will go to great lengths to defend the children and I think that is why we are being kept at arms length.

I think they are past the institutionalization at this point. Maybe they found out they could not do it? Anyway, she is staying with my mother-in-law tonight. School starts tomorrow, for my niece, so I am not sure if maybe I can somehow get to her and speak with her. I wish school did not start tomorrow. At least I am reassured that she is alive and well. (for now)

It is a place where kids can go who need distance from their families and a safe place.

Here is the link:

http://www.ccys.org/

If you contacted them they may know of a similar place in your city.

Or, most cities have 211 Help lines that can help you fined resources.

I will look into this tomorrow. Although, I guess a shalter is open pretty much 24/7. I am cooking dinner but will look into this in a little bit. Thank you. Of course, she also has a safe place here with her Uncle and myself. I will keep all avenues open as well as my mind. I only want to protect her.

good for her to get some help in how to deal with her home situation. Think of it as keeping her safe and figuring out wtf was going on, then make sure you tell them what you know and make sure she gets the help she needs. Good luck.

Good news that they found her and she's safe. Hope it all works out for the best.

If she's being abused at home, you should tell the police about it. They'll refer her to someone to get her the help she needs.

put her in a mental institution? Punishment?

And BTW, they wouldn't just take their word for it. They (the institution staff) would talk to her, test her, etc., to see if she DOES warrant being put into the facility. What a thing to go through, though. Maybe the police should take a look at the parents here.

she is in a losing situation with her parents though. I hope she can find a decent way out of it.

about the niece,

Horrible about their plans.

Can she get a court-appointed advocate? I know this is tough but can you complain to local DFCS about the family?

Wish you could be there to meet her as well. Sorry about this tough time for you.

As I would one of those private, for profit, "bootcamps" for "at risk" kids..

Once kid gets put in one of those, it can be well nigh impossible to get them out again.

Glad your niece seems to be ok.

I am not sure how much the police would do. I truly think to do something like that I would have to talk to my niece and bring her down to the police station to file a complaint. That may happen yet.

Tried to respond, but emotional issues.

Mom will protect boyfriend.

Courts will commit daughter to mental ward.

Stepfather will lie.

If stepfather whipped niece - it is a control mechanism over niece. If mom doesn't interfere then she is aware of what has been going on - but will not speculate further. Suspect if something sexual did occur - it would not have been the first time, nor the first victim.

If niece is not protected now, this will affect the family for a lifetime. Sadly, it is going to affect family anyway...

If you get guardianship - there will still be at least two sets of issues (1) healing the niece and her issues; and (2) fighting with your niece's mom & stepfather over what you may discover;

Good luck.

I am sorry to hear about all the conflict and upheaval in your extended family. That can't make it any easier. Guess the prayers ought not to stop, 'eh?

...wherever that may be.

:hug:

Hekate

however you can.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Please keep us up to date.