Ten steps to finding Jesus; a primer for the befuddled.

1. Obtain wealth and fame. Following this rule is crucial. Jesus just LOVED money and of course He sought fame; He was way ahead of his time.

2. Having a discernible career is not required (see: Paris Hilton).

3. Know you are special. Jesus doesn't hang with the average.

4. Forget the Book of Matthew; Matthew was a poser Jesus never really cared for. However, do not be confused, never be seen acknowledging Him in public or praying (unless it is on the field of your particular sport. He offers extra credit for that). That's the one thing Brother Matt got right (but for all the wrong reasons).

5. Jesus died for your sins, so by God, make them count!

6. Get caught doing something callous, stupid, cruel, or illegal.

7. Call your lawyer immediately. Jesus takes lawyer's call first and will only talk with your "people" at first, never you.

8. Pay bail. After all, you must:

9. Go to Rehabilitation, particularly in some lovely part of the world unknowable to the rest of His children. Jesus LOVES vacate! (Note: if your fuck-up does not involve actually being in a state of intoxication, you may skip this step, although it can be very handy anyway. You would do well to consider it).

10. Wait for the Westminster chimes on your doorbell to ring and welcome Him into your heart! Praise Jesus--He found you! (But never say that--remember, YOU have been seeking Him all of your life and have lived your life accordingly...).

I laughed out loud when Vicks revealed his new-found, old-time religion. .

K&R

Gospel of Thomas....

Being able to know "god" did not require priests, Jesus of Nazarath knew this. Thus the Gospel of Thomas and the Gnostics were destroyed by the early Church. IN one brief moment in history a massacre occured thousands were killed in a "purge" and texts were destroyed. Some were hidden until only recently.

I say to any Christian....you don't know Jesus...because he was a man and he is been dead for over 2000 years.

Love the man, love what he represents...but don't mis-represent who he was becasue of a text that has been editied more than George W. Bush's Wikipedia page.

I was supposed to be looking for him.

(Forest Gump)