Broken Dreams, my wife's diagnosis - part 2

I posted part one on May 9 last year:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1144775

My wife has been in bed most of the last 8 days, and her head shakes so much now our daughter notices it and ask why mommy can't stop it, and why is she in bed most the time.

She comes down here to my office and hangs out once in a while, checks in on DU and her entertainment news as well as her favorite sport, hockey.

The one thing on my journey in life the last few years I have come to better understand is how many of us are in the same style boat, just in a different pond.

You really can't tell what I am going through - but you have probably felt the same emotions I have, and that is where we as decent people have learned empathy. It is why the left is better off than the right.

I see stories of homeless people, or soldiers dying, or famous people, sick kids, racism, homophobia, and the list is near endless - and while I may not be able to relate to exactly what they are going through I can relate to how those same emotions have affected me.

Fear, stress, suicidal thoughts, depression, not caring to do anything, hopelessness, loss of a loved one and all it invokes, etc and so on.

I can't even relate 1 to 1 with my wife, she is living it and I am living with it. But I know the emotions, and how they hurt.

When the left cries out for more rights for workers, more health care for the people, and all those issues we care about it is not always because we ourselves are suffering through those issues - it is because we can see the pain in the eyes of our fellow humans.

We see the pain in the eyes of some of young kids being sent into a war, and we want them out. We see that homeless lady on the streets freezing, and then hear the rw radio pundits saying she is just lazy - and we know better.

Is my wife lazy? If I were not here and she had no family she would be homeless - she is not a young sexy blond haired girl that rw men would snatch up based on looks and take care of, if you aren't the pretty arm candy some people don't see any worth in you. And yet, she is a very pretty red head, one who dreams of seeing england, going to a hockey game, and not having this disease.

Compassion comes from either judging a person on their looks - or looking into their eyes and seeing that behind this flesh that covers our bones there stands a beautiful human who just wants to be loved and understood.

We all suffer in some ways at some points - and how we as fellow humans react tells me a lot about our species and where we are headed.

The odd thing though is - I feel a great percentage of us are decent folks, but somehow the ones who weren't got into power (and not just here).

You don't have to walk in someone else's shoes to know what it is like - you do though have to have walked in your own shoes and kept the memories of what your bad times were like because until you do that, you cannot map your feelings from your life to grasping the pain in someone else's.

Life is good. Life is bad. Life is our teacher. Sadly some have failed to learn, and yet they call themselves 'compassionate conservatives'

:hug:

All those good folks who think it's just a matter of personal responsibility would be the first to shed a crocodile tear for your lovely wife and you.

But they'd be thinking "It will never happen to me."

They're wrong. Can happen to anyone.

My wife's had MS for 20 years. Chronic disease SUCKS.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

As I sit here with tears in my eyes I can only hope and pray that we all learn compassion as you seem to have. You and your wife are so blessed to have each other. Your beautiful child is blessed to have you for parents. '



You are a very wise, loving and caring person. May you both have much joy and laughter in your lives.


thank you a million times over!!
:hug:


sincerely.
aA

kesha

I wish I could fix it. All I can do is give you a hug, and hope our side wins. If we win, we can advance stem cell research, to help people like your wife. We can provide health care and nurturing in the meantime.

Good needs to win.

:hug:

and for all the wonderful spouses who are doing what you are doing. I, too, have a chronic debilitating disease. If it weren't for my wonderful husband I would also be homeless. We choose those we love long before we come here for various reasons, for various learnings. Think of your love as one of the greatest loves of all time.

I stepped down as the manager of our data center and took a job with the company as a production support guy - I write code and design data bases around our business needs. I now am able to work solely from home, so we are able to move back to her hometown of Bakersfield where she has friends and family - I think that will help a lot. CA here we come!

Keep your heads down in Bakersfield. Spent a month there, one week a couple years ago. LA Cops admitting on local tv they'd travel to B'field on weekends to attend Klan meetings. LOTS of religious radio stations. Bakersfield equals "God, Guns and the GOP."

On the other hand, it's Buck Owens' home town. And there's the Sheepherder Restaurant.

her folks have a rent house there we are moving into.

She grew up there - and even those mostly R's there, her mom is an elected dem and her dad a union VP (was, retired a short while ago).

I might just hang me a sign out front "The amendments are not multiple choice" or something like that :)

It's great to welcome those with huge hearts here to our beautiful state.

"He who sees Me everywhere and all Me, I am not lost to him, nor he is lost to Me."
The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 6 Verse 30

Hare Krsna! Hare Rama!

So says Ghandi. I suppose he might know something I don't, although it sometimes feels like he can't be right. But he is. I would hug you if I could. I will send all of you good vibes. I learned about grace from my dad and mom, married for 57 years. I learned about love when he passed away July 23. I learned it never ends. My dogs taught me about faith and unconditional support. I am better for them all. I hope you and your family, your wife, have peace and hope and love. You surely do have it from me and mine.

Awful things happen. So much of life is utterly out of our control. What is under our control is how we react. And not always that.

But our civilization could not exist without "good," which is the coming together of people to help each other survive and cope with all those things we can't control.

There are always fearful people who believe that the way to prevent bad things is to control everything and everyone (in America, we call them Republicans). But that's a crippling way to live...so much so it could be labeled a disease in itself.

Good wins every day. It does. When neighbors of different races and faiths team up to buy food for a family (of a completely different race and faith) that's had a death. When someone takes the time to call and check on an elderly relative, or drive a sick one to chemotherapy. When a block organizes a street fair to buy an alarm system for one building that's had a series of rapes. When one neighbor goes across country and brings back the runaway child of another. When a family offers to take every child in the family of distant, never seen relatives, if civil war breaks their country. When the boss's wife rearranges her schedule to drive the store manager to work whenever he can work, while he's fighting cancer. That's a few things off the top of my head from my memories.

Good wins whenever we look into a stranger's face and acknowledge we see him, beautiful or not.

So Gandhi was right about this.

"Good wins whenever we look into a stranger's face and acknowledge we see him, beautiful or not."

Those skid row people who never talked to authorities lined up to tell about that ambulance dumping that poor homeless man. Good is everywhere. We mustn't be so sad we cannot see it sometimes. It can
lift us up and keep the feet going, even when it seems nothing can.

And you are so right; we don't have to be in a person's shoes in order to feel compassion for them. We can identify instead with the pain, anger, feelings of hopelessness, etc. And that is what urges us to reach out to them, to try and help in some way.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Straight Story. You are right about remembering our own bad times. Misfortune overlooks no one.

Some people think because they got through hard times it made them stronger, when in truth it only made them harder. Yet they call themselves "compassionate conservatives."

:hug:

that most people have in their entire being.

Bless you and your wife, and your daughter...

And bless every single one of us who are weeping as we read this tale, because we all could use a little blessing, right?

Thank you for sharing this.

that a great percentage of us are not decent. That selfishness, callousness, cruelty, laziness, and greed abound. As the book "I had one wish" said - "We are not even kind to the people we love". This, the hero realized after watching a group of kids fighting while decorating a Christmas tree after a dying homeless person told him "Your world is not kind to strangers".
And it's even worse at the average hockey game.

We are blessed by the telling!


Your Love SHINES!

I also remember a picture of your wife that you posted. She might not be blond, but she is beautiful, and in my younger years, I was a redhead, too. Ok, so I'm biased. Last Sunday, a person who fills me with joy, and who lights up my heart with happiness, came to visit. She is a year younger than me, and she is my cousin, the sister I never had. She also weighs about 350 lbs. I have seen people look at her, and I can almost hear what they think.

I wish they could see her through my eyes, the love, the caring, the compassion she feels for the less fortunate in life. Last Sunday, she came here because, as she told me, my home is the only place she can be where somebody is not placing demands on her. She comes here to escape. I have threatened to kidnap her, and keep her here for a weekend, and I'm only half joking.

Your wife, my cousin, and a whole world of others are souls that we love, and who make our lives better, and yet there are others who are not able to see beyond their own narrow points of view, the value our loved ones fulfill. I would rather be like you, Straight Shooter, than to have all of the money that Halliburton has ripped off from us, because at least we know how to love, and how to feel blessed just to be in the presence of the ones who matter to us. I don't care what others think, they can point and say things behind my cousin's back, but I know how fortunate I am to have a beautiful person like her in my life.

understand what you are dealing with.

Not certain about Bakersfield however...just passed through there a few days ago and the most polluted town have ever seen.

BTW...make sure wife is taking 1200 mg COQ-10...best line of defense and also excercise excercise...can't say enough.

I understand as I am divorced and I just found out today that my mother is going to have to go through her second hip replacement that will very likely put her in a chair or bed for the rest of her life. It scares me and I can only imagine what it is doing to her during these times.

My love to all that have to face these things.

when it comes to life mates, your wife was a winner.

bless you, and bless your wonderful wife.

This must be hard for all of you. :grouphug: