This was forwarded to me by a friend.
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the
illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus
among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray,
and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to
see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists, and Unitarians
crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer
huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage
borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me
if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have
any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but
the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush
Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still
got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the
Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the
border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not
prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one
carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa
Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy
cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping
buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizen passengers on Perry Como and
Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't
identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious
about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an
organic broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art history majors does one
country need?"