Study: Iraqis May Experience Sadness When Friends, Relatives Die (The Onion)

Study: Iraqis May Experience Sadness When Friends, Relatives Die

July 25, 2007 | Issue 43•30

CHAPEL HILL, NC—A field study released Monday by the University of North Carolina School of Public Health suggests that Iraqi citizens experience sadness and a sense of loss when relatives, spouses, and even friends perish, emotions that have until recently been identified almost exclusively with Westerners.

"We were struck by how an Iraqi reacts to the sight of the bloody or decapitated corpse of a family member in a not unlike an American, or at the very least a Canadian, would," said Dr. Jonathan Pryztal, chief author of the study. "In addition to the rage, bloodlust, and hatred we already know to dominate the Iraqi emotional spectrum, it appears that they may have some capacity, however limited, for sadness."

Though Pryztal was quick to add that more detailed analysis is needed, he said the findings cast some doubt on long-held assumptions about human nature in that region. "Contrary to conventional wisdom, it seems that Iraqis do indeed experience at least minor feelings of grief when a best friend or a grandparent is ripped apart by a car bomb or shot execution style and later unearthed in a shallow mass grave," Prytzal said. "Last December's suicide-bomb killing of 71 Shiites in Baghdad, for example, produced unexpected reactions ranging from crumpled, sobbing despair to silent, dazed shock...."

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...Psychologists and anthropologists have thus far largely discounted the study, claiming it has the same bias as a 1971 Stanford University study that concluded that many Vietnamese showed signs of psychological trauma from nearly a quarter century of continuous war in southeast Asia. "We are, in truth, still a long way from determining if Iraqis are exhibiting actual, U.S.-grade sadness," Mayo Clinic neuropsychologist Norman Blum said. "At present, we see no reason for the popular press to report on Iraqi emotions as if they are real."

(more at link) <http://www.theonion.com/content/news/study_iraqis_may_experience>

Dictator Slays Millions In Last-Minute Push To Be Time's Man Of The Year

December 13, 2006 | Issue 42•50

RANGOON, MYANMAR— Than Shwe, the brutal dictator of the southeast Asian nation of Myanmar, dramatically increased his already horrific rate of murdering citizens this week in a late, desperate attempt to become Time magazine's 2006 Man Of The Year, who will be honored in the Dec. 25 issue.

"I vow to do everything in my power to make the great acts being carried out in this great country known to all the world on this day and every day until Christmas Day," Than Shwe said in a speech broadcast on the state-run Myanmar News Network. "No longer will we stand in the shadow of better-known perpetrators of genocides, purges, and ethnic cleansing. Print-news media outlets, take notice!" He then ordered everyone in the room shot.

Although Than Shwe is considered a sadistic and merciless tyrant within the borders of Myanmar—also known as Burma—his human-rights abuses have long been ignored in the international media. After he failed to make The Economist's list of Top 25 Worst Leaders, Than Shwe introduced a program of "random liquidation," doubled the number of rape and torture camps, and instructed aides to inundate news outlets with press releases in which he is referred to as "The Ripper Of Rangoon." Likewise, he recently added four ethnic groups to his list of subhuman residents, ordered his special police to drag thousands of opposition-party members from their beds between the hours of 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. to be machine-gunned, and has forced thousands of women and children to work on constructing a national welcome center before being beheaded and dumped in a ditch behind the new facility....

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...If honored by Time, Than Shwe, who has reportedly already set aside a special frame and a spot on his desk for the magazine cover, will follow in the footsteps of other notable dictators such as Adolf Hitler, Deng Xiaoping, and Joseph Stalin, who appeared on the cover twice....

(more at link) <http://www.theonion.com/content/node/56424>