I am a teacher, I have a Master's degree and I would LOVE to be a stay at home wife/mom

I love what I do, but I wish I had the opportunity to stay at home and take care of my family and house.

My husband makes more money than my dad did and he and mom raised 6 children on his salary.

Together my husband and I make double what my dad did, and we live comfortably but can not afford extras


what happened?

I raised my kids during that mess. We both worked two jobs and had to budget for my husband to buy a pint on Saturday night. Reaganomics.

It is SOOOO desirable to go out and work!

SOOO fulfilling! Your own money! Go out and shop! It's great!

The kids are fine! Don't worry! Plenty of day care (which you can ALMOST pay for with your teacher's salary)!

Someone planted the messages in our minds that taking care of our families wasn't as imortant as being independant.

Someone planted in our minds that we should move out of our parent's home when we turn 21 (2 homes, 2 refrigerators, 2 cars 6 tvs, twice the energy consumption, etc.)

Someone told us we shouldn't sleep in the same beds as our children.

Someone told us we should stick our parents in nursing homes, instead of living in a multi-generational household so wisdom and tradition could be passed down and the mother really could go out and work and not fear that their children were being institutionalized...

That's what happened (among other things).

that is exactly what happened...and
Someone told us we should kill fellow human-beings in some far-away land, to defend our country.

in an interview that one of the Rockefellers claimed credit for the feminist movement, and it was so they could collect taxes from the 50% who were not paying them.

Staying at home with children is my idea of hell for me. I am so thankful that biology did not set my destiny, and that I could live my life as I saw fit.

Buteven though we don't realistically have that option, I tried to keep my post gender neutral because I recognize that staying at home isn't for everyone.
Of course, not having children is also an option.

However, it is difficult to argue that children wouldn't be better off with SOMEONE (Mom, dad, grandma or grandpa) staying home with them.

Among orangutans, the mother and child stay together for 8 years!

It's nice to imagine some far-off time when women had it "easy," but that time never existed. Even women who wanted families wanted more than housework and runny noses and the endless, mindless drudgery of repetitive, meaningless tasks. Not all men had the chance to work at fulfilling jobs, but they at least often got some say in what unfulfilling job they took! Not so with women, who until recently were expected to have just two jobs: wife and mother - no matter is the woman in question wanted additional or other jobs.

If they did, perhaps more mothers that wish to work could do so.

Believe it or not, some men would like to stay at home. Like me. I have changed my life to stay at home. I make much less money than I could have otherwise, but I feel my life is more fufilling. I've been at home working from a computer for 12 years, ever since the birth of my first child.

Some of us would have been screwed if the opportunity for women to work had been stifled. I love my work and I would probably have killed myself long ago if my only option had been to stay home, have kids and "take care of" my husband.

I'm sorry that some people have been hurt by the way the economy has turned out but it's not the fault of women working.

LOL Our salaries as teachers have never kept up with cost of living increases. When I was in high school, gas was 50 cents a gallon and cigarettes were a quarter a pack. A brand new car was $2000. I remember nickel a loaf bread when I was a kid.

My dad was a principal and he was earning $35K a year when he retired in 1989. I make a lot more than that now but I sure don't feel wealthy.

cook and clean and read novels inbetween, once I was at my retirement age. We own our businnes, so my husband will never retire. But I now have a grandson and I have taken care of him from birth so his mom can work. The luxury year might never come, but I have had the best time of my life helping to raise this wonderful little person. Damn those drawers that never got emptied and organized. Oh well...maybe in ten years!

Economic and Federal reserve policies established after the gold standard was abolished in the US have basically continuously devalued the US dollar. It is not as much that we've had inflation over the last 40 years, it is the fact that once of the gold standard our Federal Reserve has been able to print dollars as they wish....the rest of the world is not stupid...they are offering less and less to buy dollars. Currency devaluation has an insipid effect on society and especially the middle class. It saps their wealth and spending power to the benefit of the oligarchy.

Could you do with one car? Could you (and your children) ride a bus or train? How about that annual vacation? Do you really need to go somewhere? Would it be cheaper to take a few family day trips? Could you feed your family more cheaply if you baked and cooked and froze and grew your own veggies? How about having a small home tutoring business? Or developing some other small home-based business that you could run while your children are home with you? How about a smaller house? A less expensive neighborhood? If you are home your children may do better in a school that isn't recognized as being so good -- because you spend time with them and enrich their educations. Are there things you buy that you could make?

One caveat: based on my experience, you may find that staying home doesn't give you more time to read. Living on less money takes time. Without the extra car, you walk more -- and that takes time. You buy the cheaper cuts of meat -- that take more preparation time. Forget restaurants -- even McDonalds if you have more than a couple of kids. Oatmeal is cheaper than bran flakes and just as good, but, it's best cooked and that takes time. You buy more raw as opposed to frozen vegetables and fruits -- and you time your trips to the store so that you get the best deals on the stuff they are almost ready to throw away. You eat more things like beans and homemade spaghetti sauce that take more preparation time. Your kids' snack is going to be popcorn or peanut butter sandwiches not ice cream or cookies. Popcorn and peanut butter are cheap. Oh, and growing your own food keeps you very busy.

There is a tradeoff. You spend more time with your family but you are working during much of that time. Still, you can organize your day to take more walks and have playtime with your kids, etc. You may not be able to afford the dance and piano lessons, etc. if you are not working, but unless the children really want music or dance lessons you can make up for it with other activities. And some places have free dance or music lessons if you have a flexible schedule and can take your children at given times.

So, you can stay home, but you have to change your lifestyle -- and prepare to do a lot of things for yourself. Forget the cleaning lady. I bet your mom didn't have that. Oh, and learn the beauty of second hand. You really don't have to have everything new. Children's' clothes and appliances in good condition are especially plentiful at second hand stores, and looking for bargains can be fun -- but takes time. You'd be surprised how your parents raised you on one salary. Your mother probably did not have half the wardrobe you do.

"You really don't have to have everything new. Children's' clothes and appliances in good condition are especially plentiful at second hand stores"

When I was a kid, my siblings and I--and all the kids we knew--wore hand-me-downs. Or clothes my mother made for us. (Nowadays that probably wouldn't be cost effective.)

"Your mother probably did not have half the wardrobe you do."

Probably not.

...raising children and taking care of families is "doing nothing" in 1996 ~ 10 years ago. And anyone who thinks this only applies to poor mothers, well then I guess it is just fine in a democracy to direct laws toward a certain class of people and not to another. All done without a whisper from upper income people who supported it and haughtily thought it would *never* apply to THEM why that is for poor black mothers, not, well not for upper income people, doncha know. Corporations loved it because it forced into the market a bunch of desperate women and trapped them in their crappy dead end jobs, even the government loved it when they use these people to undermine their "overpaid" civil servants by putting welfare-to-work people, who are expected to work for their welfare check (full time for around 440.00 a month) and kick out their union-based workers. So now, with this lovely law, what was traditionally women"s work, raising children, taking care of family, and weaving community, is "doing nothing" and it is even "better" to work a low paying McJob than to take care of family! Welfare Reform, is all about women's traditional work being denigrated into not contributing to Community ~ but you can bet your rent that flipping burgers is contributing, especially if you work for little because working for a pittance is "better".

It is sick but true.

My 2 cents
Cat In Seattle

I do not want that for myself (to be a SAHM), but he would love to be a SAHD and I desperately wish we could find a way to make it work financially.

We don't have kids now, and not 100 percent sure when we will, but if we could guarantee his presence in the home, it sure would sway us to get a move on the whole reproduction thing.

Edit: Just wanted to add a plug for this book... "The Two Income Trap." Talks about why middle-class families are finding this to be a more difficult dream to attain.

If we want equality, options must be extended to men as well.

I stay at home, but still have to work like a maniac. The door to my office is always open and I help out a lot, but it's not exactly the SAHD experience per se.

When I am busy, I work 14-16 hours a day. When not busy, I am free though.

This is about supporting the family unit as they work to raise their children, a decidedly nongender-specific issue. It has been made out to be something that only concerns women, but I agree that the discussion needs to be reframed.

Or at the very least, not enough of an economic incentive to work, if one so chooses.

We've done the math before, and after you take into consideration the expenses of working - clothing, auto expenses, more eating out, childcare and more taxes (by pushing you up a tax bracket), for us the net income at the end made little sense.

Of course, this is not true for every couple, but for many it is.

That said, if one chooses to work not because of finances but because they love their career, this is moot.

takes you off a career path and reduces the income you will make when or if you go back to work. So there might be long-term financial benefits to staying at work, particularly when kids get old enough so that school eliminates child care expenses.

There are a lot of things to consider when making such a choice. Although, I would argue that child care expenses don't end when the children enter school, unless you are working from 9am to 2pm.

As with most things, in the end it boils down to priorities.

...you just do not get paid.

IMO this country really needs to redefine "work" to include unpaid work because otherwise it is as if you "do nothing" and you and I know this is not true. You work your butt off 24 X 7 and it is even more than a paid wage earner if you are at home and raising kids and taking care of family or taking care of elder family members. Work should be anything that contributes to Community because you are raising the next generation to take over this country when we are too old to do it, you are taking care of family members, if you volunteer in the schools or the Community, you are also giving back a great deal. The frame of mind needs to be unpaid workers "work at home" or workers are doing "unpaid work" because you are contributing and are very valuable not only to your family but to your Community.

The question needs to be what is "work" and my definition of "work" is anything that contributes to Community. Because they value this important work, other countries define work this way, Venezuela is even paying stay-at-home parents a wage for contributing, and European countries value family so that they use their tax dollars to support families, not only industry.

My 2 cents

Cat In Seattle

Your husband makes more than your dad did. Is that in real terms or nominal terms? $30,000 in 1974 is not the same as $30,000 today. Sorry for pointing out the obvious. Also as to homes and things. How many of these items did your childhood home have - VCR, DVD, cell phone, cable TV, internet service, all rooms carpeted, microwave, two or more cars, newer cars with more gadgets, multiple microcomputers, answering machine, etc. (what am I forgetting)? Some of that is fairly cheap (answering machine for example) and some of it is monthly expenses, but we do have ways of spending our extra money.

I grew up in the 1970s. Dad finished the basement with his own labor. We carpeted one room at a time. We only had a beater station wagon with no air conditioning until we bought a new one that was just used for camping. During the energy crisis my dad bicycled to work and mom bicycled to the grocery store and library (being in a small town helped there). Mom darned socks and made mittens for us and hats and we wore hand-me-down clothes. We used a clothes line and cloth diapers. We walked to school even carrying our band instruments. We had no xbox or playstation. We added to the house - a screen porch, a 2nd garage, two rooms in the basement. We bought eggs directly from a farm. We had a large garden, and an apple tree and a strawberry garden.

I cannot say how universal that was, just my own childhood. Sometimes I think we compare the way our teenage years are to our own starting out time and are unaware of how our parents started out.

if my mother needed the car, she had to drive dad to the foundry and then later pick him up.

We had a huge garden and we canned tomatoes, beets, beans..
We also grew our own onions and other vegetables.

My uncle owned a dairy farm...so we got stuff from there too.

My parents replaced things if they wore out...for example we wore out the living room carpet (you could see the jute) before it ever got replaced.

The same drapes hung in my room from my birth until I was getting married and they had literally fell apart.

We never bought gadgets and rarely went on vacation.

When my dad died...it got tighter..and then mom went to work.

However my mother was saving the entire time and helped put three of us through college and...she is retired..granted she lives frugally still BUT she owns her home and she gets by just fine.

Believe it or not, there was a time, some decades ago in the Empire but still within my lifetime, when $10,000 (Yes, ten thousand dollars) was considered a really good salary.

http://www.energybulletin.net/25951.html

Pretty good read I think.