***DUzy Awards for week ending November 9, 2007***

On a thread by Poll_Blind:

      What basic trades are YOU learning to prepare against economic collapse?

response #1 by Webster Green:

      I already know how to do everything..
I'm ready.

response #8 by Turbineguy:

      I was thinking
about taking up singing but maybe it would be better to practice dentistry on republicans. Sorry, no novacaine today. Also, the drill is the foot operated kind.

response #10 by GloriaSmith:

      I want to become popular so I think I'll make beer and wine
:D

response #16 by datasuspect:

      i know how to use firearms
and know lots of crazy people who have military training, are expert hunters, or are ex-cons.

we'll probably band together and take other people's shit.

response #29 by Uben:

      I'm stocked up!
two bags of tortilla chips, a can of chili, and some ravioli! Bring it on!

response #45 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      I'm going to open a combo tanning/nail/gym/gourmet cooking/center for the new bosses.
For when they're not busy "spreading democracy" or indulging in other good causes like torture.

response #57 by historian:

      cannibalism
trouble is i have to acquire a taste for politicians and i just cant seem to quite do that.

response #91 by shadowknows69:

      I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue
And I'm not above being a manwhore for rich older women.

response #92 by Buns_of_Fire:

      I've been hoarding Bic lighters
I figure I'll travel from town to town, bringing them the gift of fire (for a small fee) so they can cook their food, keep themselves warm, heat their water, cauterize wounds, temper their steel, and burn down the village just down the road so they can steal all the livestock.

In other words, I'm screwn.

response #95 by lonestarnot:

      I can turn my arms inside out, no wait...
arthy... ack they're stuck. Nice.

response #110 by tomg:

      I love playing the "What will you do
when the end of the world comes" and it's been so long. Last time I played was in 1970 or so and my answer was "stock up on acid and go to the woods." Since I am much older and more mature and far more prepared, my current answer is "stock up on vodka and go to the woods."

response #132 by impeachdubya:

      I'm really good at waxing Cassandra-ish about how "we're all doomed" on the internet.
That's gotta be worth something, to someone, right?

response #144 by Evoman:

      I've got absolutely no useful skills.
I suppose the only things I'm really good at are cooking and skulking. If I had the right equipment, I might hack it as some sort of agricultural biologist. I could also do paternity tests and things like that as well: now that the population is migratory and with all the rampant prostitution in the mad max word, it could come in handy :shrug:. Anybody doesn't let me into their community....thats where the skulking comes in. I'm quiet...so I sneak onto your yard, kill you, and steal your food/livestock/weapons for myself.

On edit: If we are going to have an apocalyse, I want it to be a zombie apocalypse/killer virus. That way, a lot of people get sick/turn into flesheating zombies all at once, leaving the canned food for the rest of us.

GD, November 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2194043

OP by Tab:

      The threats to my marriage
Real or potential:

- Inability to get along with my wife by compromise or acceptance
- Substance abuse (me or her)
- Physical abuse
- Incompatible extended families
- My dogs don't get along with her cats
- Loss of affection or trust
- Adultery (leading to said lack of trust)
- Not making time for each other, diverging, growing apart.

It's late on a Friday, so that's all that strikes me at the moment, but you get the idea.

Hey, I just saw on the news how Terrance and Philip down the street are a threat to my marriage.

How do you figure?

response #11 by Joanie Baloney:

      It's easy to figure...eh!
Terrence and Phillip are Canadians. They're a threat to your marriage just like they're a threat to our borders.

Q.E.D.

;)

response #19 by eridani:

      Blame Canada!
You unclefuckers.

GD, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2195901

On a thread by romantico:

      Dead parents better than gay ones says Romney
"A candidate for the Republican party nomination for President of the United States has said that he thinks a child would be better off with a dead parent rather than a gay one..."

response #1 by Mabus:

      I'd like to put Romney in a pet carrier, attach it to the top of my car, go on a 12 hour drive
and then go Thelma and Louise with the car. Better yet, I'd like for Rudy and Fred to be driving.

response #12 by CrispyQGirl:

      Fred should drive.
A better chance he'll fall asleep at the wheel.

GLBT, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x59643

Poll question by struggle4progress:

      Dead parents better than gay ones says Romney

:bluebox: Romney sez to tell the kids: at least Daddy wasn't gay

:bluebox: Then there was that study showing Mitt's dogs were happier after being put down

:bluebox: Repubs will do better with a dead candidate than with Romney

:bluebox: He oughta come out of the closet and admit he's only pretending to be alive

:bluebox: Could off meself if Mittsy wins -- but would off meself fershur if I wuz Mittsy

:bluebox: Translation: Romney wants Larry Craig executed for the sake of the children

:bluebox: Cemetary Gazette Exclusive! Gay parents better than Romney, say dead

response #1 by Ezlivin:

      Dead ones don't make a fuss over how you dress
And will let you eat pretty much anything that moves.

response #2 by impeachdubya:

      What if your parents are gay deadheads?

At press time, "Repubs will do better with a dead candidate than with Romney" was winning with 37% of the votes.

GD, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2198634

On a thread by oktoberain:

      A moment of your time in regard to sexist language
... The example I'm going to point to specifically is the most common one, which consists of some variation of "_______ needs to grow a pair", "_______ obviously has no balls at all", etc.

To be perfectly forthright--equating testicles with courage is both offensive and untrue. There are better ways to express your outrage at members of both genders, without implying that people who lack testicles are cowards. It might seem like "PC" nitpicking to some people, but to others (like me) it's like a subtle slap in the face that is repeated over and over again every single day. None of us would dare to equate cowardly behavior with race, so why is it considered acceptable to equate it with genitalia...?

response #2 by graywarrior:

      Man, I feel like such a boob.

response #16 by GrpCaptMandrake:

      So, in this lingusitic circus
General McAuliffe at Bastogne should have replied to the German surrender demand "Almonds!" as opposed to the now classic "Nuts!"?

The physiological fact is that testosterone (and its primary source, the testicles) is a source of aggression and generalized male behavior ('roid rage, anyone?) that has, from the most ancient days of animal husbandry, been equated with masculinity. I'm guessing here, but I can only assume the OP has never seen the difference between a stud horse and a gelding (a castrated horse). A stud is/can be mean, cantankerous, hard to control. A gelding will let anything be done to it by anyone, including letting itself be mounted by a horse that still has "a pair."

To say as an insult that a woman has no balls is oxymoronic and a contradiction in terms. It's dumb, and a poor use of language. It makes sense that one wouldn't use the phrase in regard to a woman who, to make things clear, has no testicles in the first place. To use the term in regard to a male is, however, rather colorful English, and certainly not an insult to the "testicularly challenged." It is an insult to the person to whom it is directed, most usually a male.

What the OP is actually doing is asking us to emasculate language (i.e. to castrate) in favor of a more neutered, weak-kneed, watered-down, soggy milque-toast alternative, even, it would appear, where the language is appropriate. This is a sexism of a far ranker degree than suggesting that a cowardly male lacks testicles. It is an attempt to linguistically cleanse males and their masculinity from the language.

As some hoary (no, that's not a gender-based degradation) old sage once put it: "An insult is like a drink. It affects one only if taken." It would appear to me that the OP has a straw in a bottle that wasn't even passed to her.

response #17 by Didereaux:

      LOL that is the most verbose 'she has no balls' ever. I totally AGREE! heheh n/t

response #21 by GrpCaptMandrake:

      Verbose?
Oh, you wound me! I was going for "clarity." :crazy:

On the other hand, I just re-read and can't believe I spent five minutes of my life throwing that together. I could've been doing something constructive, like hitting myself in the head with a ballpeen hammer.

Oh, dear! I've done it again! "Ballpeen" has simply GOT to go, on both syllables. Sorry.

response #142 by Raejeanowl:

      I Am A Woman With "Balls"
And I was a feminist before you were born. Deal with it.

response #146 by herbster:

      Then you know how it hurts when they get kicked, right?
:kick: :crazy: :crazy:




:hi:

response #164 by Raejeanowl:

      Yeah!
Especially when it lands right between the quotation marks.

:hi: yourself!

response #169 by Magic Rat:

      well, i suppose one could say "guts" or "spine"
but guts might be offensive to people with gastric bypass surgery and spine might be offensive to invertibrates.

;)

response #170 by quantessd:

      Who wants balls anyway?
They sound like a lot of trouble. Like when getting into cold water, or falling off a bike seat, or having to restrain them when you go running. Mostly, they just kinda flop around, don't they? One always hangs lower. And they get sweaty. They are vulnerable and floppy the same way breasts are.

Since everyone is having this hearty discussion about "balls", I just thought I'd chime in.

Good grief, I can't believe people are still discussing this. 168+ comments about whether to say "balls". :crazy:

My vote is to say "balls" less, and to say "douche" more. As in, Glenn Beck is such a douche. Try saying it, it's great!

response #208 by TAZller:

      Apologies...
By participating in this thread it has been brought to my consciousness that my signature line "Say NO to Bush!" could be read sexist or misogynistic and hence offensive. Therefore I believe an explanation is in order. I believe Bush and bush (as in female genitialia, and over+grown pubic hair) is icky...because I am gay, a democrat, and neat. It is the poly-meanings here. You see I don't like B/bush. I do not like bush (or Bush for heavens sake) on my men. I do not like bush on a hen. I say, cut down on the B/bush and I like it when B/bush is cut down....although I do like most bushes, in the sense of those growing in dirt. Don't cut down those. But we should strive to leave Bush in the dust. I don't like dirty bushes (we should all cut down on those). And even thinking of a "dirty" Bush... Blech!

I do believe refering to someone as either/or a B/bush is insulting... As in "you're such a B/bush..." but if I chose to say that, it would say more about my democraticness/gayness then my sexist...ness. I just wanted to make clear that even if you are a "bush" or have a full grown bush (between your legs not under you window), I may not want to sleep with you-although I have slept under a bush outside a window once-that doesn't make you bad. Just in case you read my signature line... and thought "but I have/am/like/ bush(es) so he believes me inadequate...how rude" that isn't because I am sexist it is just because i am a gay, neat, democrat. Of course if you are, or you like Bush, you are icky and inadequate without regard to your posession or lack or fullness of bushiness and probably on the wrong board.

Although being a Bush supporter I cannot support, being a bush supporter I just find confusing, unless it is in the tree hugging sense... That I get.... Hope that clears it up and removes all possibility for offense.

GD, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2197154

On a thread by Poiuyt:

      BREAKING -'Martial law declared in Pakistan'
"In Islamabad, troops entered the Supreme Court and were surrounding the judges' homes, according to CNN's Syed Mohsin Naqvi.

The Supreme Court has declared the state of emergency illegal, Chief Justice Iftikhar Mohammed Chaudhry told CNN. He said he and an eight-member panel of judges decided the declaration was unconstitutional, and that Musharraf has no power to make it..."

response #6 by Junkdrawer:

      Don't think of it as a Fascist Coup, think of it as an aggressive Friend of the Court Brief...n/t

response #23 by IDemo:

      This is probably giving * a stiffy

GD, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2197081

Poll question by BlueIris:

      My new goal in life is to win a DUzy Award. Tell me what it will take.
Screw finishing my novel, finishing grad school, starting my own business, climbing a mountain and taking over the world. All of my attention will now be fixed on securing myself one of those awesome DUzy Awards that make me wet myself with laughter every week. Tell me, Loungers, what's the best way for me to get a DUzy?

:bluebox: Swap your brain for that of a witty person

:bluebox: Drink magical "Witty Water" for at least three weeks

:bluebox: Kiss JeffR's ass a lot

:bluebox: Bribe JeffR

:bluebox: Bribe JeffR and some of JeffR's friends

:bluebox: Stop posting those damn poem threads

:bluebox: Other

The correct answer is: make the Academy laugh like gibbons on a nitrous oxide bender. And they did.

The Lounge, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7100848

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Duane "Dog" Chapman's tape-recorded tirade has cost him his TV show.

response #4 by MilesColtrane:

      So, can we say that Dog has screwed the pooch? n/t

response #14 by misanthrope:

      NEWSFLASH: Dog the Bounty Hunter is a supreme redneck...
...NO! Say it ain't so! Next thing you'll tell me is "the Earth has one moon."

GD, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2196232

OP by Ellen Forradalom:

      As a woman who was raised by a pack of wild dogs
feel that Hillary's in-your-face sophistication shames those of us who bay at the moon, eat raw meat and pee on tree stumps.

response #1 by XemaSab:

      Word.
BTW you forgot "live in an earthen hole in the ground."

It's cozier than you would think. :)

response #5 by cleveramerican:

      I am too uncouth
to appreciate her nuance.

Got to go, there's that music in the walls again.
Funny thing about that music
Every time I go a'looking for it
Somebody knocks on the door?
Don't that beat all?

response #12 by chefgirl:

      I'm sorry
I'm sorry, but you seem to be forgetting that the original intent of the 'Pack of Wild Dogs' movement of the 1970's was to fight for your right to be sophisticated AND still choose to bay at the moon, eat raw meat and pee on tree stumps.

If you were a TRUE 'Pack of Wild Dogs-er' you would know that.

Good going, Ms. Forradalom. Now you've shamed us all. :spank:

response #14 by Capn Sunshine:

      I worked with the Wild Dogs in the 70s
Those were heady times. They felt free to reach out and take a bite out of your ass whenever they wanted. I have the scars to prove it.

And many's the time I woke up with fleas.

GDP, November 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3679470

OP by The Straight Story:

      So anyway, I was waterboarding one of my kids today
trying to find out who spilled the juice on the floor.

Children's services busted in and told me they were taking the kids.

I explained to them that the US govt says it is a valid method to extract information, that my kids are under my care, showed them this same fact online, and they shrugged and left.

After waterboarding each kid, each one confessed btw.

Now off to that old lady Henderson down the street who I think called children's services. Her ass is getting some serious waterboarding let me tell you :)

response #1 by seabeyond:

      i was gonna slap my kid for cussing, but i was told i have to taser them for cussing
or my kids would be taken and i would be in trouble if i dare to slap. slapping is abuse, tasering is not

response #3 by proud2Blib:

      What size board did you use?
I am going to start waterboarding in my classroom. But I hate to waste money and buy a board that is too big. :)

response #8 by BushDespiser12:

      In my classroom, I do the waterboarding while taking our "moment for Jesus"
seems to save time.

unnumbered response by Bozita:

      Suggestion: Waterboard every kid who skips "under god" in the Pledge.
The fundies will love you.

response #59 by krispos42:

      I Pledge Allegiance, to the Flag,
of the United States of America.
And to the Republic,
for which it stands,
One Nation,
<gargle> <choke> <gasp>
Indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for All.




Something like that, mayhap?

:-)

response #85 by bikebloke:

      Not to split hairs...
but isn't it "for witches stands". I know that's what I said as a kid in grade school.

response #18 by TwoSparkles:

      Save money...
...and just use the playground teeter totter. It's right there on the playground and it can
be easily tipped, if you have a teacher sit on the lower end during the waterboarding.

Perfect!

I love it when you can legally torture AND save some bucks.

It's the American way!

response #70 by Dr.Phool:

      I just sent this thread to my wife, who works for Child Services.
She said, yes. Waterboarding is acceptable in Florida. Just ask Bill Nelson.

response #97 by orleans:

      i just had my daughter renditioned for not cleaning up her room
i figure i've got about 6-18 months to clean the room up so when she returns it will be in tip top shape!

response #22 by cordelia:

      I'm in Atlanta, and
because of the drought, people in my zip code can only waterboard on Tuesdays and Fridays.

response #38 by spanone:

      that's funny, i was waterboarding my great grandmother when i read this! Bwahahahaa

response #42 by Contrary1:

      When waterboarding elderly relatives...
Do we need to remove their dentures first? I would hate like hell to get sued for a replacement set.

response #58 by GloriaSmith:

      My first child water boarding was a complete disaster
no one ever tells you that the Glad Press'nSeal gets slippery when you pour water on it. I took the time and care to press the stuff firmly on his face, but once the water hit...well it was just a big mess.

I went for the fancy stuff because I wanted everything to be perfect, but the cheap generic saran wrap works best. Live and learn I suppose.

response #81 by lame54:

      I waterboard myself to remember...
where i left my keys

response #103 by piesRsquare:

      We need a waterboarding smilie n/t

response #104 by The Straight Story:

      here it is:
:spray:

More. Much more.

GD, November 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2204317

On a poll by MyPetRock:

      Are you offended when somebody posts a correction to your grammar, punctuation, or spelling?

response #1 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      Noe.

response #2 by trotsky:

      No way, just embarrassed that I didn't catch it first! n/t

response #7 by Lautremont:

      I wouldn't mind it...
if I ever did make a spelling misteak! But I don't, ha ha!

response #11 by TomInTib:

      wHat a ass nine pole.
If we was suposd to be purfect. then we wood have been borned jesus,

response #12 by truedelphi:

      Every since that crowd that killed JFK, staged a landing on the moon,
Put flouride in the water, built interstates over the most fertile cropland, and stole two elections
finally got around to my keyboard and sabotaged it, I have had to defend my typing.

It is simply unfair.

response #14 by Sabriel:

      You're missing the spaces after your commas in the subject.
And the comma after "police" goes inside the quote mark, not outside.

I'm just sayin'....

response #38 by TheDoorbellRang:

      I do believe you meant "quotation mark"
:rofl:

response #29 by MethuenProgressive:

      I come from Maine, and spell phonetically.
You're lucky you can read this at all!

response #42 by valerief:

      I come from Maine, and spell phonetically.
You're lucky you can read this at all!

response #78 by Perry Logan:

      People who criticize my grammar always die mysteriously.

GD, November 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2205570

On a thread by 133724:

      Chevron Profit Slips 26% as Costs Increase

response #7 by wtmusic:

      Isn't there something we can do to help?
:rofl:

GD, November 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2206363

OP by mcscajun:

      Waiting for Go(RE)dot.

Long, so I won't reproduce it here. Go the the link for a good read.

GD, November 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2205413

OP by The Straight Story:

      Breaking: Santa outsources toy making to china, package delivery to parents
or: The commercialization of Christmas

After Santa Clause's company went public that same old ho-ho-ho went flat, as has the company's stock.

Union Elf costs, transportation of raw materials, fuel costs, and environmental laws have led to skyrocketing costs for the once Jolly old elf.

A company spokeswoman stated that there "would no impact to the usual delivery date of December 25th" but declined to comment on exactly how the new policies might affect outlying regions which have traditionally been delivered to via magic sleigh.

One insider told us "It's about pleasing a few stock holders now instead of the children of the world" and told us there would be bad news to come but could not comment on it for fear of his identity being found out.

What was once a bustling charitable organization the Christmas tradition of giving became an investors dream, one where buying has replaced giving and goods made by family members/elves became less appealing. As the demand of children for bigger and better toys climbed during the tech boom the ability of the organization to afford such toys became less and less.

And then in rode the investors who promised not only to be able to deliver all the goods, but turn a profit on via advertising on toys, cost cutting, and a 5 year plan to 'streamline' operations. A win-win for everybody we were told.

Donations dried up and became stock shares, and people wanted something back of course. But costs kept rising, people were not as willing to give their time freely, they wanted something in return for their efforts as well - why work for free for a company and then they get large bonuses and paychecks?

Santa today announced he was stepping down and that he was not needed anymore. He regrets now going public and says he was only trying to do it to help the children of the world, and promised to donate his exit bonus, rumored to me in the tens of millions, to the salvation army and other charities.

Santa Inc (SIN) dropped 10 points to 53.13 and analysts expected to drop further in the next few days.

GD, November 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2209579

On a thread by zbdent:

      Pakistan is a preview of what will happen under Bush if a new "terrorist attack" happens ...

response #3 by Dr.Phool:

      On the positive side, we can beat up all the lawyers.
:spank: :spank: :spank: :sarcasm: :hide: :spank: :spank: :sarcasm:

Damned sick mind. It will be the death of me.

GDP, November 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3686362

On a thread by Tuesday Afternoon:

      Will 2 brother Tom cats raised together since birth grow up to fight each other?
... I know I need to get them "fixed" but I am BROKE x(...

response #2 by CaliforniaPeggy:

      My dear Tuesday Afternoon!
Perhaps you can find a vet who will do the neutering on a sliding scale? Or something like that?

response #7 by ironflange:

      Wouldn't it be easier to neuter them. . .
. . .on an operating table?

This sort of exchange doesn't translate well into DUzy formatting. Snappy comeback, though.

The Lounge, November 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7108459

On a thread by Parche:

      Post Your DU Dire Predictions

response #6 by MethuenProgressive:

      Cheney resigns due to "health", Jeb gets the VP spot, runs as GOP nominee.
I thought that up after too much sushi and saki...

response #16 by onenote:

      others have thought of it without the benefit of either sushi or saki
at least you have an excuse!

response #8 by Husb2Sparkly:

      The Carlson boy will discover his penis, masturbate on live teevee, and lose his job as a result
Oh ... wait ..... you said dire.

Never mind.

response #12 by citizen_jane:

      My direst...
Dems lose the White House in the upcoming election
and Skinner tombstones over half
of DU due to the ensuing meltdown.

response #20 by Solly Mack:

      Splinters will abound from all the shoulder chips in GD
It's all fun and games until someone puts an eye out.

response #24 by otherlander:

      40 years from now...
Old people will listen to rap.

Gay marriages will be legal nationwide.

This will result in... GAY DIVORCE!!!1

Whenever the government wants to make something publically acceptable for them to do, they will simply show it on America's Funniest Home Videos, thus convincing the vast masses of idiots that it's actually funny.

Pot will be legalized.

It will be grown by overworked, underpaid illegal immigrants in California, just like strawberries.

Rebellious teenagers will smoke it in their basements while talking about how much they hate capitalism, utterly failing to grasp the irony of this situation.

response #28 by ruiner4u:

      a supervolcano will erupt in the plains states...
When? sometime in the next 40-50 thousand years...

response #38 by pscot:

      The Fat Lady Sings
Hurricane Brunhilde sweeps up the east coast, skips Maine and NoveScotia and dumps 47 inches of warm, tropical rain on the Greenland icecap. The ensuing floods inundate 21 world capitals, including NewYork, Tokyo and London. In the ensuing panic, somebody offers to pay me $45,000 for my aging Boston Whaler, thus proving the old adage, "It's an ill wind that blows nobody good".

response #44 by Neshanic:

      Two scenarios.One good, one bad. You be the judge.
That new surprise comet that gets brighter passes the earth and sprinkles special comet dust all over. The result is republicans turn into small squirrel creatures that have sex in the trees constantly.

Hillary wins in a landslide, we take the house, and then we take this place back.

A hint. I despise republicans, but having to listen to them having squirrel creature sex in the trees all night would be bad.

response #46 by EstimatedProphet:

      Cheney will make the moon crash into the earth so he can steal its resources

GD, November 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2211700

OP by ieoeja:

      George W. Bush Presidential Library
Read today they finalized the plans for the library. They decided to just steal Al Gore's home and use it.

response #4 by terisan:

      It's ok. They used the interstate eminent domain law they rammed through Congress. It is legal.

response #8 by Dr.Phool:

      Nobody is allowed inside.
Everything in it is classified.

GD, November 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2208558

On a thread by Squatch:

      Oh, dear God, God, God...
The Dancing with the Stars thingie is really bringing out the kooks.

Here's a "prayer chain" for GWB

BUSH BUSH BUSH, MAN OF GOD GOD GOD,
BUSH BUSH BUSH, MAN OF EARTH EARTH EARTH
MAN OF GOD? MAN OF GOD!
MAN OF EARTH? MAN OF EARTH!
HE IS SEATED AT THE RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT HAND OF GOD THE FATHER
HS IS RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT FOR ME ME ME AND YOU YOU YOU.
RAPTURE NOW? RAPTURE NOW!
RAPTURE NOW? RAPTURE WOW!
NOW! WOW! NOW! WOW!
GOD GOD GOD IS A AWESOME GOD
BUSH BUSH BUSH IS A AWESOME MAN!
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!
AMEN!!!!

Link

response #2 by tanyev:

      I thought Jesus was supposed to be seated at the right hand of the Father.
Did I miss another Supreme Court decision?

response #6 by Sentinel Chicken:

      Bush Bush Bush is their God God God.
Because they're Crazy Crazy Crazy.

response #8 by riderinthestorm:

      Well, those 14 exclamation marks mean God will really hear it now! nt

And these last two, posted simultaneously:

response #21 by MilesColtrane:

      If it says...
BUSHCO BUSHCO BUSHCO on the LABEL LABEL LABEL

You will LIKE IT LIKE IT LIKE IT on your TABLE TABLE TABLE!!

response #22 by MuseRider:

      Did anyone else immediately think
"When it says Libby Libby Libby
on the label label label
you will like it like it like it
on your table table table"?

This is totally whacked. Right hand of God? Gimme a frickin break. The only reason Bush** would be sitting on the right hand is so a left handed God could smack him good upside the head.

GD, November 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2216484

On a thread by Squatch:

      It's been 25 years since Michael Jackson's "Thriller"
This month, he's on the cover of Ebony magazine...

response #1 by KurtNYC:

      Only in America
could a young African American boy grow up to be a rich white woman.

response #3 by Viva_La_Revolution:

      omg. not only am I old too,
but Jackson is now prettier than me! :cry:

response #19 by AngryAmish:

      25 years and still not an effective anti-zombie protection force
America's shame.

Entertainment (moved from GD), November 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=210x20665

OP by HypnoToad:

      Instead of condoms, let's give out vasectomies and tubal ligations in middle school kids
If the fear of that doesn't reduce unwanted pregnancies, nothing will.

Mind you, not nearly as many people would be able to make those cute little balloon doggies...

:popcorn:

response #1 by rucky:

      They don't really need sexual organs at all at that age.
Isn't there a procedure where you can keep them in a jar until they can be used responsibly?

I believe it's called "marriage".

GD, November 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2222419

On a thread by Lochloosa:

      Motion to Table Vote Results on HR 799. The Names.

response #12 by TahitiNut:

       Something I've NEVER seen: "... Knollenberg, Kucinich ..." voting the same (Nay).
Time for a figure skating competition in Hell. :crazy:

response #14 by blondeatlast:

      Bring your umbrellas--there's gonna be pig poop everywhere.
Shadegg--NAY?! :wtf:

GD, November 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2222184

OP by CorpGovActivist:

      I Voted Against Impeachment, Before I Voted For It
Dems should run those ads against the GOP tricksters today.

GD, November 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2224448

Poll question by bridgit:

      What is America? A melting pot? A stew? A hash? A gumbo? A bouillabaisse? What?

:bluebox: melting pot...

:bluebox: hash...

:bluebox: stew...

:bluebox: gumbo...

:bluebox: bouillabaisse...

:bluebox: big tent...even though it doesn't seem tasty eating a tent...

:bluebox: hunter's stew...

:bluebox: shepherd's pie...

:bluebox: mish-mash...

:bluebox: boiled thistles...or other you choose...

response #5 by Basileus Basileon:

      Hash.
It's high in fat, largely comprised of the excess parts from various other dishes, it doesn't really melt together (though it does blend a bit, and the flavors seep into one another), and it's pretty damn tasty.

response #32 by Buns_of_Fire:

      A riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a crunchy corn tortilla. (n/t)

response #48 by kwassa:

      Freedom Soup.
bouillabaisse, indeed.

At press time, "boiled thistles...or other you choose..." was winning with 30% of the votes.

GD, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2225150

On a thread by Eugene:

      Drop in Baghdad violence sustainable: general
"A reduction in violence in Baghdad
over the past few months represents a sustainable trend
that will allow fewer U.S. troops to protect the Iraqi
capital, a top American general said on Wednesday..."

response #7 by superconnected:

      I take it everyone is finally dead.

LBN, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3057469

On a thread by The Straight Story:

      Big sister beats little brother for mayor in Ohio village
"MONTEZUMA, Ohio (AP) -- Score one for the big sister in the battle of two siblings running for village mayor.

Charlotte Garman, mayor of this western Ohio community for eight years, held off a challenge on Tuesday from her brother, Daniel Huffman, to keep her office.

She got 43 votes and her brother had 24.

Huffman, a carpenter and electrician, had admitted that his decision to challenge his sister for the seat probably didn't sit well with her.

But the two kept the sibling rivalry friendly and there was no bickering or name calling..."

response #1 by Buzz Clik:

      The defining moment in the campaign occurred when Charlotte tickled Daniel until he wet his pants.
Clearly, her strength appealed to the voters.

response #3 by CT_Progressive:

      Daniel's counter-move of "Stinky Feet" failed to hit its mark.

response #4 by Blaze Diem:

      Following her brothers concession speech Charlotte stuck her tongue out
at her little bro and coyly replied,"girls rule, boys drool. Nee ner nee ner nee ner, danny's got a weener." A red faced Daniel vowed to seek revenge at the next election.

response #6 by Buzz Clik:

      Playing the gender card? How cheap.

response #5 by MrCoffee:

      Thanksgiving is gonna be awkwaaaard

GD, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2227256

On a thread by originalpckelly:

      HA! Creflo Dollar just got nailed on CNN! "Why are you riding around in a Rolls Royce...
while some of the people who donate to megachurches cannot afford cars for themselves?"

response #11 by IanDB1:

      He's selling the Rolls to buy a giant needle, big enough to drive a camel through. n/t

response #2 by hatrack:

      Who?
Granted, I don't follow the Megachurch Wolf Contingent all that closely . . .

response #3 by wake.up.america:

      He worships the Almighty Dollar himself

GD, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2228486

On a thread by Fierce:

      Australia's Chinese-made Toy of the Year contains 'date-rape' drug
"Australian officials ordered a popular Chinese-made children's toy pulled from the shelves after scientists found it contained a chemical that converts into a powerful 'date rape' drug when ingested.

Three children have been hospitalized over the past 10 days after swallowing beads from Bindeez, named Australia's toy of the year at an industry function earlier this year..."

response #4 by Dr.Phool:

      This will be high on the Freeper X-mas gift list!
China fires the first shot in the War on Christmas.

response #6 by Javaman:

      This just in...
The popular toy, "easy bake oven" has been recalled by china. It was found that in the correct combinations several of the recipes could manufacture crystal meth!

response #12 by DeSwiss:

      At this rate.....
.....as the Chinese continue on their path toward eventual world economic and financial supremacy, they will awaken one morning only to find that they've killed all their customers.....

response #18 by MNDemNY:

      Well, if the Chinese are going to ...
fuck us, I'd rather be drugged while they do it.

response #26 by JVS:

      They finally invented a toy that makes kids take their naps!

LBN, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3057400

On a thread by pamela:

      Critter sizing? Has to be a Freeper.
I heard that there was an uproar on the Dancing With The Stars message board last night about a comment one of the judges made about Bush. I decided to check it out and found an hysterical thread that absolutely had to have been started by a Freeper...

"UM I THINK THAT CRITTER SIZING OUR PRESIDENT, *****OUR****** PRESIDENT, MISTER QUOTE UNQUOTE "BRITISH", MISTER I THINK I KNOW IT ALL!!!!!11 ALL!!!! DURING A TIME OF WAR??? ON TERROR????? I DON'T ***THINK**** SO!!!!! I DON'T ****THINK****** SO!!!!!!! THIS IS A VIOLATION OF THE **PATRIOT ACT**** AND THAT IS A BIG FAT GOTCHA, BRITISH AND LIB SYMPATHIZZER'S! YOU CAN **NOT** SPEAK OURT AGAINST OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF!!! BY LAW!!!! SO PRISON OR DEPORTATION, WHAT IS YOUR QUOTE UNQUOTE "PLEASURE"???????"

response #2 by Cerridwen:

      I swear I thought this was about
taxidermy.

:rofl:

response #57 by hootinholler:

      I was thinking overweight pets!
Working out with your poochie!

response #66 by yardwork:

      This has to be performance art.

response #12 by TahitiNut:

      What's the life expectancy of a keyboard ...
... with that much spittle on it? :dunce:

response #15 by pamela:

      That reminds me of a joke...
Q: What did the freeper get on his SAT?

A: drool

response #24 by Elrond Hubbard:

      They don't get much stupider than that...
in fact, any stupider, and she'd be banging on the keyboard and screaming incoherently at the moniter, trying to make words appear on the magic screen that can aqequately express her rage and her burning desire for a corn dog.

response #97 by MilesColtrane:

      Hey don't knock the critter sizers.
You think it's easy to run a tape measure up a rhino's inseam?

A menagerie of other funny responses...

GD, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2224788

On a thread by walldude:

      AL GORE IS NOT FUCKING RUNNING!

response #14 by liberalnurse:

      Expecting and anticipating Al Gore to run in 08 for President is
like performing a daily home pregnancy test, in hopes of a positive pregnancy after you have had your tubes tied or a hysterectomy.... O8)

response #26 by K8-EEE:

      And your fucking point is?
Major pet peeve with people drama-queening their subject lines with F-bombs.

I fucking know he's not running.

response #31 by CT_Progressive:

      AL FUCK IS RUN GOREING NOTING !

response #39 by Juniperx:

      My crystal ball can beat up your crystal ball...
That is all...

response #41 by Labors of Hercules:

      I would hope not...
Fucking while running can be very dangerous, especially on wet pavement. :rofl:

GD, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2228989

OP by CatWoman:

      I know we are not supposed to ridicule people's looks
but Brit Hume looks like a giant pickle.

response #12 by VancSouthpaw:

      That's from all the gherkin off

George Oilwellian capped this thread by providing a link to his latest video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmP_eX2X5M8

Absolute must-see stuff!

GD, November 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2232275

OP by Kurt_and_Hunter:

      Talked to a Dodd supporter today
I was on my way to my volunteer work at an old-age home for lame pets when a guy in a "Vote Dodd or Suck It" t-shirt and sporting a twirly waxed-mustache jumped out and started laying this rap on me about how Dodd was going to annex Canada so we would all have government subsidized maple syrup.

I asked him why Dodd had co-sponsored legislation that included urging the State Dept. to designate the Iranian Revolutionary Guard a terrorist organization.

He said, "Bomb those bastards back to the stone age... short trip, right?! Don't you get it, man? Chris Dodd is all about trusting Dick Cheney. Cheney Rocks!"

I asked whether Dodd really believed all of that, and the guy said, "Of course he does! Otherwise, how did I get this t-shirt?"

I shook my head sadly, walked away and resumed my everyday life as the most virtuous person on the planet.

response #8 by geek tragedy:

      I don't believe this story.
I don't think Dodd supporters exist in real life.

response #14 by NoPasaran:

      If Dean had been elected we would already have universal maple syrup
Sic transit gloria wafflae

GDP, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3697836

On a poll by Bleachers7:

      Is it appropriate to call Democratic candidates assholes at DU?

response #8 by IanDB1:

      Other: Only if they're Joe Biden. n/t

response #9 by Bleachers7:

      lol
That's cheating.

response #18 by IanDB1:

      Shut up, or I'll tell Biden that you swallowed a microphone...
... and he'll tear you apart so he can speak into it.

GDP, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3696293

On a poll by quinnox:

      Age poll - How old is too old for president?

response #3 by Gman:

      Don't trust anyone over 30
I haven't trusted myself in over 20 years.

GDP, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3697238

On a thread by sweets:

      5-7 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
does anyone really eat like this?

response #9 by adsosletter:

      ...vegetables...fruit...?
:wtf:

response #25 by joe_sixpack:

      I eat about five or six
different flavors of life savers each day, does that count?

response #90 by Rincewind:

      I do
If you consider cows vegetables.

response #92 by Ellen Forradalom:

      I've had three servings of fermented grapes this evening.
*Hic*

GD, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2239964

On a thread by daninthemoon:

      Mom: Chemical-laced toy made son 'drunk'
"A woman whose toddler son ingested a popular toy that contains a chemical that turns into a powerful 'date rape' drug when eaten said Thursday she knew he was ill when he began to stumble, seemed drunk and started vomiting. The mother, Shelby Esses, said her 20-month-old son Jacob, fell down and was limp after getting into his older sister's Aqua Dots, a Chinese-made toy recalled Wednesday by the Consumer Product Safety Commission..."

response #5 by jgraz:

      Damn, I never got cool toys like that when I was a kid
I was stuck playing with lawn darts and BB guns. :cry:

response #9 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      I would have thought that the dead giveaway...
Would have been when he started playing Industrial Music on 10 on his Fisher Price CD player. ;-)

response #12 by merwin:

      My Fisher Price CD Player goes to 11!

response #28 by Frank Cannon:

      Coming soon from China: Teething rings crafted from plutonium
This whole Chinese poison toy/food thing has gone beyond absurd. When I was a kid, we used to joke about cheap stuff imported from Japan, but none of it ever KILLED us.

LBN, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3059260

OP by smoogatz:

      Enough with the stupid little "gotcha" stories, for fuck's sake.
I don't care if Hillary left a tip, or if she cackles when some Faux Nooze dipshit asks her a stupid question. I don't give a rat's ass if Obama wears a lapel pin or puts his hand over his heart. I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut hole about the price of Edwards' haircuts or the size of his house: he can wear a wig made of Princess Di's pubic hair and live in the frickin' Taj Mahal for all I care.

I don't care that Kucinich's wife is a foot taller than him and has a tongue stud (!), or even that he saw a UFO. Politicians are people and people do all kinds of weird human shit, and that's just fine with me. I care about their ideas, I care about their ability to lead the country and run the government, I care about what they're going to do about Iraq and the looming fiscal crisis (advice to investors: sell!) and global warming and healthcare and national security. I don't give a shit about the rest of it, and I don't understand why half of DU seems to think this picky little bullshit matters. If someone could offer up a rational explanation, I'd appreciate it.

Rant off. Thanks for listening.

GD, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2240795

On a thread by ruggerson:

      I want to finally WIN the culture war. I don't want to negotiate a truce.

response #1 by Sparkly:

      Didn't I used to disagree with you all the time?
Why do I now agree with you most of the time? :hi:

response #9 by ruggerson:

      One of us got on better meds?
:P

GDP, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3699717

On a thread by brooklynite:

      FBI: Al Qaeda May Strike U.S. Shopping Malls in LA, Chicago

response #21 by Journeyman:

      At last! Shoppers to the Front Lines! Credit Cards at the Ready!. . .
Charge at Will! . . .

response #34 by Akoto:

      Oh man, someone protect the Cinnabon! n/t

LBN, November 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3059314

On a thread by kpete:

      BUSH: "The decisions I have made will make it easier for your grandchildren to live in peace."

response #2 by DS1:

      as long as they adopt gills
yeah, thanks buddy

response #7 by maddiejoan:

      maybe he meant --
REST in peace.

'Cos I'm sure most will wish they were dead.

GD, November 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2247043

On a thread by Richardo:

      What happened to Limbaugh yesterday??

response #12 by hvn_nbr_2:

      His anal boil exploded. Yellowstone is gone. nt

GD, November 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2246712

OP by Apollo11:

      Al Gore on Hillary Clinton: "Well, she's certainly no Tipper!"
OK so in the interests of accuracy I will admit right out that this is not a real quote...

GD, November 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2245806

OP by Bucky:

      shit, I'm so busy planning my war on Christmas that I completely forgot to attack Thanksgiving
Plus we're supposed to try and run a pilot "War on Hannukah" program this year too. Good Lord, where does the time all go?

response #12 by EOO:

      What about the war on Tet?
Oh wait, Buddhists don't believe in violence. That's right.

response #18 by Bucky:

      But we still go after them in retaliation. It's called "Tit for Tat for Tet"
During which season we celebrate King Tut...




who died as a tot...


;)

GD, November 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2248158

On a poll by MyPetRock:

      Are you offended when somebody posts a correction to your grammar, punctuation, or spelling?

response #42 by valerief:

       Know.

GD, November 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2205570